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Subject: one night later

Author:
kristen

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Date Posted: 22:59:14 01/24/05 Mon
In reply to: suz 's message, "tonight..." on 22:15:23 01/23/05 Sun

Suzanne, thank you for responding. It always means a lot to me when people respond to my postings on this chatboard.

For a moment this morning i felt that feeling of surrender. Of "oh yeah this is their divorce, not mine, i have a life of my own and they are a big boy and girl, my parents." I really thought this. That I surrendered and that i made the oh so mature and healthy decision to back out of trying to help my parents through their divorce, of trying to save my mom or give my two little sense/cents.

Then boom before i knew it there i went - picking up the phone, gone in for more. And felt the ugliness smacking me. Then to deal with that, i went to checking out. Completely. Now I am numb.

Parents divorcing after 35 years, this one is a whopper, i must say. Has anyone out there been through parent's divorcing that wants to share about it? I am 30, shouldn't i be all healthy about it and clear and uninvolved and unaffected?

What the fuck (pardon me but) is happening? What is the right way to be?

I know ultimately the right thing is take care of me, follow my own desire and the rest will handle itself...Be the love blah blah blah,....sometimes i just wish i never came across this community and the whole idea of living in the truth because it feels so challenging and upheaving. And so black and white.

Today I just want to run away to Hawaii and do yoga all day and have a man take care of me. I really am a lot like my mom. i just want to fast forward and have my mom wake up, be happy, and have me wake up and be happy and have my dad come out about having another relationship. Ugh. I know also i like this distraction from my life, and this focus on their problems avenue, yet another way to non-confront what is in front of me, inside ME.

Kristen

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
hi	marvin	09:43:12 01/25/05 Tue
marvin -- Kristen, 08:44:37 01/26/05 Wed
our conversation....	suz	10:41:47 01/25/05 Tue
Suz -- KB, 17:01:21 01/25/05 Tue