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Date Posted: 16:48:01 01/12/07 Fri
Author: Rhonda K
Author Host/IP: d207-216-214-186.bchsia.telus.net / 207.216.214.186
Subject: Muh...I agree with Sandy
In reply to: Dave 's message, "In The Name Of Lonliness" on 07:07:54 01/12/07 Fri

We do jump in with both feet, when we are desperate for love and those relationships usually end in disaster. Or, if you are the type, you stay in that bad relationship and are still very very lonely.

I know for me, I needed to take time for me, it took me almost 4 years...of self help...and esteem building before even beginning to look and when I did, I found Lynn. That was not a healthy relationship and I did not know how to end it. We both suffered with depression and that just makes for a very toxic mix. Though we understood one another, neither one of us was healthy enough to help the other. As we both had to concentrate on our own needs.

With any relationship...there are risks...friends, lovers, family...they all need work and commitment. Most people are not willing to put in that time or are afraid to try.

I know personally, I needed to put alot of work into my relationship with Lorne and I really had to put myself out there and learn to trust him. I still have times when I close myself off and he feels very vulnerable then and it scares him...but he admits that to me...and I really do try to talk...sometimes it works, other times it doesn't....

There are days, when he walks in, I am on the verge of tears, I grab the car keys and all I say is "I need some time"...and I just leave. I can only imagine how scared he is when I do stuff like that...but in the moment, I just don't think...and after a few hours, I find a phone and let him know I am ok...and will be home soon...that I just had a "melt down"....what I need is a friend, that I can go and see...when I have times like that.

Have you tried any of the online sites...for matching up people in your area? You may be surprised. If you decide to do that, be really really honest...and if she sounds too good to be true...she probably is!

For now...like Sandy mentioned, is there a vet club or legion? Before my dad passed away, we finally got him to join the local Legion...and he was really happy...he loved going to have coffee and just BS with all the guys his age. And pick on the young ones...he also got involved with some community stuff...which he found interesting...they did fund raisers through monthly flea markets...dad would volunteer to keep the coffee on and help in the canteen...he was pretty good.

We also found a library close to where he lived. My dad loved to read....and do crossword puzzles..but wanted to get out of the house to do that...so he would walk over...or bus over, when his leg was really bad...and he would read the magazines...papers and copy out crosswords to take home with him.

It kept him busy..took him too long to really get out there and socialize..but I think it helped his mood.

Write or call if you need to talk ok...

Love and hugs
PS..Dayels first day of preschool...was horrible for me, my heart totally felt broken..leaving her there was gutwrenching, I didn't even think of taking any pictures. I went to the library in the same building, got a library card..and then went to the washroom a couple times to cry. How sad is that!? She of course was fine...and she has claimed your Christmas card for her "collection" she thinks it is way cool that she has an Uncle Dave...so far away, she even saved the envelope~!

MUH MUH MUH
You are loved...but totally understand your feelings right now...and you are so entitled to them...but finding someone, means getting out there and looking...like I keep telling my niece...they are not going to find you at home!

Hug
Rhonda

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