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Date Posted: 19:03:12 09/10/06 Sun
Author: Mikki
Author Host/IP: 24-236-239-50.dhcp.bycy.mi.charter.com / 24.236.239.50
Subject: Richard
In reply to: Mikki!!1 's message, "Re: Long legged women..." on 14:30:31 09/08/06 Fri

I guess it is good in a way that you don't want to be "disabled". I try hard to hide my "disability" from the world. Sometimes it peeks its ugly head through though.
So a little of that is good, just as long as you don't over do it. You have a very fragile system........not just the bowel syndrome, but with all the other physical ailments as well.....Disabled? Nah.....just have to be careful so you don't get hurt.

Yeah.....lunch would be great. I'll let you know soon. I have to turn myself into the "authorities" (Jim and Doc) tomorrow for another evaluation. Suicidal thinking is very strong.......stronger than it has ever been. I bet I'm not coming home tomorrow, and will be at the Port Huron Hospital Hotel for a few. I don't want that....I'm hoping doc will just drug me up with more antipsychotics to make these feelings pass. The hospital doesn't help me anymore, I've done the program so many times already. If transcranial magnetic stimulation is something doc wants to do, I'll end up at UM. I just need sleep....I can't sleep for shit anymore, and I am just so down that it is a chore to be alive.

It's all centering around the past therapist. I ran into him at the dermatologists office, and we just ignored each other. 10 years, and it comes down to ignoring one another. I can't believe I trusted him.....I can't believe I had feelings for him, I can't believe I was so friggin stupid. Ignore me? What's that?

Anyway, thanks for the space.....I'll work it out somehow.
I just hope that my God is listening.

Love ya, Mikki

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