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Date Posted: 09:20:10 06/26/06 Mon
Author: Liz
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 12.31.208.217
Subject: Re: Frustration
In reply to: Richard 's message, "Re: Frustration" on 23:37:38 06/25/06 Sun

I doubt I could get him to a counselor. He is typical male who thinks men solve problems and never seek help. I do see a counselor myself. I'm not sure what you mean by the difference between "negotiating an equal exchange" and "compromising each other." Isn't compromise about negotiating an equal exchange?

I hear you on the older house. I believe they don't make them like the used to, structurally at least. But the man-friend doesn't want to look at anything older than 2003! And in some respects he is right, you aren't dealing with old plumbing and wiring and hvac systems (I have had to deal with all of those in my previous homes, one built in 1972 and the other in 1944.)

I do appreciate your advice about how to do a relationship. We aren't the best and we aren't the worst. Luckily he handles me pretty well most of the time, with humor when I go over the edge and start lashing out. The thing I have to work on is not keeping things pent up until they come exploding out, usually at the wrong time.

For example, he constantly gives me updates on how the Astros are playing. I like baseball but I am not obsessessed with the play-by-play of every game. For a while I have been countering his sports commentary with dead silence, followed by a complete change of topic. You'd think he noticed? Ha. Last night (because I was already tweaked by the house issue) he started telling me about the Astros game and I said, "did it ever occur to you that if I was interested I would be watching the game and that I have as much access as you do to the latest Astros information"

Dead silence. Then he said he would never mention the Astros to me again. That wasn't my intended goal, although I could accept that. My point? This has been bugging me for a long time -- because he uses trivia like talking about the Astros to fill up our brief time for conversation and avoids talking about things like making plans for the future. But wouldn't it have been better to quietly mention this to him in a nice way, rather than spewing venom because I was feeling low after more than half a weekend spent alone and some miscommunications about the house search.? Yes it would.

Sometimes I feel very bad about myself.

Liz

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