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Date Posted: 21:54:34 07/26/06 Wed
Author: Hope
Author Host/IP: 71-212-201-67.hlrn.qwest.net / 71.212.201.67
Subject: Midlife

I can totally understand why they call it "the change". It truly is a journey into a new chapter. The part I'm stuck at now is accepting that I am not where I'd hoped and dreamed I would be when I was a youngin starting out. I have to let go of those unfulfilled expectations and it is soo hard. Gut wrenching disappointment and sadness prevail. Despite that, I have no choice. I have to let go of the past and embrace the future with open arms while balancing myself, no grounding myself here in the present. The trouble is, oftentimes the present doesn't feel so good. I am unable/unwilling to make certain changes. I am done with the risk taking part of my life. So that leaves me stuck.

Just sometimes it feels too much. There is more coming at me demanding my energy and attention than I can handle. I keep trying to schedule my inevitible breakdown but I just don't have the time. I have no support system. No one else to step in and take on my role. I guess that most of us are in that same boat. Though somehow if I crept out silently into the night life would go on.

More when I get the chance....

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