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Date Posted: 07:55:57 06/09/06 Fri
Author: Liz
Author Host/IP: cpe-24-175-42-10.houston.res.rr.com / 24.175.42.10
Subject: Re: Pressure, guilt trips & the "woe is me" attitude
In reply to: Sandy 's message, "Pressure, guilt trips & the "woe is me" attitude" on 23:35:59 06/08/06 Thu

Glad about Toupe. Been thinking about him. Puck has feline acne, yes cat acne.

About Gary, are you being really clear or are you sending a mixed message? I know we don't like to hurt anyone, but asking for space while you think about things isn't the same as saying, it is over, it is impossible, please stop coming around.

Because if you have already said that, you may need a restraining order to get the message through. I had to block Mark's e-mails and phone calls and finally be really brutal to him on the phone about how over it was.

Of course I didn't work with him. And months later I wished we could have stayed friends and wondered how he was doing but I knew I couldn't risk calling or emailing and asking because it would make him hope for things that were still impossible.

Sounds like Gary has some good points and you aren't 100% sure of your feelings and he is picking up on that. Being loyal and persistant can be cute in some ways, when I would tell Mark that I was too depressed to get out of bed and he would come over and make me a fresh fruit salad, it really touched me as much as it annoyed me.

If you are very sure you don't want to be with Gary, be very clear so he can't possibly harbor hope. If you are still debating your feelings, then you may have to put up with him coming around and not giving you space while you try to sort things out.

I think Gary really likes you a lot and is tryint the only way he knows how not to lose you. He is afraid that out of sight is out of mind (whereas perhaps absense really does make the heart grow fonder. It would be good if you could get away for a week or two to assess how you feel.

Hugs,

Liz

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