| Subject: Re: Changing my life / Becky -- telling your mom |
Author:
Deb
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Date Posted: 21:11:41 10/16/04 Sat
In reply to:
Becky
's message, "Re: Changing my life / Becky -- telling your mom" on 22:41:33 10/15/04 Fri
>Thanks Deb,
>So I told my mom today, and it was definitely a roller
>coaster with emotions. I gave her the letter and told
>her to read it and that when she was done I would
>answer any questions she had. She came into my room,
>and I couldn't understand the look on her face and it
>made me scared. So at first we just kinda talked
>about it and I thought things were going pretty well.
>Then all of a sudden she started crying and left my
>room and I asked her why she was leaving and she
>responded with "I just need to"
>
>I gave her about five minutes before I went looking
>for her and when I found her I asked her why she left
>and then she just started accusing me of all of this
>stuff. Then she was like "you are so intelligent..."
>and basically she was calling me stupid for doing
>this, although she insisted that she wasn't when I
>said "so basically you're calling me stupid?" She
>just doesn't understand and when I told her how it
>kind of chose me, she just didn't get it. I don't
>expect her to understand it, but it makes things so
>hard for both of us.
>
>We talked for about two hours then. And then later
>we talked for about another two. A lot of things were
>said. Some good and many bad: she said a lot of
>things that made me question why I was even talking to
>her about it, she accused me of things and yelled at
>me for things. I understand that this was very hard
>for her to listen to, but I guess I just wish she
>didn't say a lot of the things that she did. I mean
>she was basically telling me that I wasn't going to be
>able to "recover" w/o getting professional help. Ok
>so that may be true, my chances of a better recovery
>would increase with help, but I feel that I need to do
>this on my own. I also told her that if I ever find
>myself faultering that I would tell her to make me an
>appointment.
>
>I will never forget the obsessions, and the horrible
>life I was living, and I don't want to go back to
>that, even on my most serious and strict "ana days" i
>hated how I was living, so I don't want to ever be
>like that again.
>
>However what was said and done, is in the past and I
>am looking foward to tomorrow! Because I can eat!! To
>give myself the abiltiy to do that, is such a great
>feeling! I know that is has only been four days, and
>four days is nothing, but once again I am happy...I
>hope it lasts, I love feeling like this...it has been
>so long.
>
>I decided that in order to be happy I need to be
>healthy, not skinny. I also understand, that I will
>have my bad days, days where I will regret becoming so
>open about all of this, and i know that because I ate
>well for four days doesn't mean that I am cured. I
>understand it will take a long time for better
>recovery, I know I won't ever be fully 100 % recovered
>but I am striving for 99.9% of a recovery!!! I can do
>it!! :) Thanks everybody for everything!!!!
>Be happy, healthy, and strong!!
>Becky
Sounds like you have a good handle on it, Becky and I'm impressed with your insight. You'll do fine ~ I know you will. You remember to take your own advise... and be happy, healthy and strong, too!
Deb
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