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Date Posted: Thursday, June 02, 05:33:35pm
Author: Sher
Subject: Headlines Of 2004

These were sent to me by Chris / BlooeysBabe, they made me laugh so hard... thought I would pass them along for others to enjoy also.....

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
(imagine that!)

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
(no, really?)

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(now that's taking things a bit far!)

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly]!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy]!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
(no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
(see if that works any better than a fair trial!)

War Dims Hope for Peace
(I can see where it might have that effect!)

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
(you think?)

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
(who would have thought!)

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
(they may be on to something!)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
(you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)

Man Struck By Lightning Faces BatteryCharge
(he probably IS the battery charge!)

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
(weren't they fat enough?)

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(That's what he gets for eating those beans!)

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
(Taste like chicken?)

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
(Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
(Boy, are they tall!)

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
======================================================================================================================
Did I read that sign right?

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

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