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| Subject: friendship | |
Author: sweetsong | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 4/01/07 12:26 i have made a new friend recently i met at a new years even party we get on so well and have e mailed loads since we met but because of this is get insecure that the more she gets to know me the less she will like me. everytime we e mail if i don't get a reply straight away i think she has gone of me. it really is upsetting me. anyone understand? and is there any visualisatons that can help. when i make good friends i get scared of being rejected i guess i'm abnormal. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
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Author: Ash [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 4/01/07 13:51 I am exactly the same, and that is probably why I have only like 4 friends. I would say just try to remember that rejection isn't the end of the world. The four horsemen are ;) So unless you befriend four men, on horses, with scythes and black robes and other cliches...you'll be fine ;D [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sam spaniel [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 4/01/07 22:07 everyone is scared of rejection in some way and to some degree or another, all you have to do is be yourself honey, if it takes a day to get an e-mail reply don't fret, she may be busy, i don't get time to be on line and check my e-mails every day and i am sure others are the same.... at the end of the day, if you get a reply, then she's your friend... just think how long (or short) a time you have known her, friendships can take years to build. be patient... be your true and be you.... she will respect you for being you.... and at the end of the day, if she does decide she doesn't want you as a friend any longer, then that's her loss, just remember, you still have all your friends here in the garden xx love sam x [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Lilly from the Valley [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 5/01/07 10:44 Hello Sweetsong I think Ash & Sam are right - rejection is something most people fear. You need to remember that she liked you when she met you, so unless you do or say anything to make her think otherwise, why would she not like you now? Sounds to me like you need to build up your confidence a bit. I used to stand in front of a mirror every day and make affirmations to myself when I was at a real low and had no confidence in myself. This worked for me but Im not saying it will necessarily work for you. Also, finding something that you are really good at (everyone is good at something) and getting really involved in it will boost your confidence no end. I have friends whom I have known for years whom I dont always see a lot of or speak to very often. One of whom travels all over the world (lucky girl) and I dont see her for months. She'll pick up the phone out of the blue and say "is the kettle on"! She'll then come and see me and its as if we only saw each other yesterday. There are no conditions to our friendship - I understand her lifestyle and she mine. What Im trying to demonstrate here is that you dont need to be inside each others pockets - true friends, and as Ash rightly says it can take years to build a bond, are there for each other whenever and whatever. Take care hun & stop worrying. Lil [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: whitewolf [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 7/01/07 3:57 There's not a lot a could add that wouldn't simply echo what others have already said... but do try not to fret so sweetsong - just because someone doesn't reply straight away doesn't necessarily mean something negative. She may be busy, or perhaps she hasn't read your emails yet, or she may be waiting to reply when she is in the mood to - which again, isn't a negative thing :) I have friends (and I know I am also like this) who I don't hear from for ages and out of the blue they'll resurface to say hello and, more often than not, it's like we've not been apart. When we're not in contact I'm not worrying that they no longer 'like me' and I'm sure they wouldn't be thinking that I didn't care for them simply because they hadn't heard from me. We're all individuals, try not to expect others to act how you would. Give your new friend space - and try not to let negative thoughts niggle away at you. As Lil said, perhaps some daily affirmations would help you. ((hugs)) [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sweetsong [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 8/01/07 12:21 thank you everyone for being here. well she still hasn't got in touch but i will try affirmations. i think i get a bit clingy to people how do you balance this sort of thing? im never meeting the right people and when i do i think i overpower them then i over analyse the whole time. how do you trust and go with the flow and know whatever will be will be when you have been hurt before? [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: zenwind [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 8/01/07 21:32 Sweetsong, *hug* I have always since a teenager been honoured to have friends confide in me and share their hearts with me; but equally have been hurt in the past when I have noticed that a few of them, when things are going well for them, may not contact me for long periods, that is until some other crisis in their life occurs and they pop up again! Now I used to be full of expectation, I guess without even realising it, on some level, I was expecting an exchange. I had my concepts of "friendship" based on what I viewed it as.....and when people didn't fit into this rigid framework I was upholding, I got hurt. I felt rejected. But I learned my friends aren't objects whose purpose is to fulfil my own concepts....and gradually over the years I came to know that experientially. I guess the moment we create something with our minds, all those "shoulds," the experience of being with a friend or ourselves properly...is gone. We see the thing in our heads, see the notions we think "should" happen and miss the wonderful reality of that living, breathing, beauty of life unfolding before our eyes. Never to be quite that way again. Ahhhhhhhhh, the magic! :) (don't miss it). That is not to say we cannot have people in our lives that share our way of relating, we can, but we cannot expect it from everyone. As others have said everyone relates differently to others and each relationship between people is unique. It takes time to work that out for each person we meet and time to see how the bond between us and others manifests itself. So don't take personally that which may not have anything to do with you. Trying to mind read others is self defeating.....struggling against the current hurts even more so. May Kuan yin bless you [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sweetsong [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10/01/07 13:12 i am never anybodys special friend though. i am sure all of you have special and best friends. and the man i want to live with forever has an arranged marriage he is looking forward too on top of that and does not want me that way which makes me think paganims not hinduism is my future path also. i am so down. is this normal to want special exclusive friends or because i don;t love myself enough. thanks for listening and for replying to me i bet i sound a loser. do our friends complete us? i always felt they do? [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Pilgrim [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10/01/07 14:42 You don't sound like a loser. I have never thought anyone else can complete us. Not friends, family or even a spouse.We are complete in ourselves and these other people are welcome happy additions to our lives but not competions of our person. Just my opinion though. I know lot's of people who feel a spouse is the completion of a person but I just don't agree with that. Pilgrim [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Lilly from the Valley [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11/01/07 8:22 Hello sweetsong - poor you. No wonder you are feeling down. Loving someone who doesnt love you is very painful. He obviously doesnt have the feelings for you that you do for him and you need to let go, particularly as he is looking forward to his marriage. Sometimes we cling on to things in desperation and fear of being alone but you never know what might be round the corner. I went through a very bad divorce a few years back and at my age with a child I really thought that I would be on my own for the rest of my life. I did a lot of work on building my esteem and confidence back up and actually got on with life, resigning myself to the fact that it was just me now. Then one day, a friendship turned to romance and we are now happily living together as a family. Dont waste your love or energy on this man anymore. Become strong on your own - as Pilgrim very wisely says, we dont need anyone else to make us feel complete. YOU are a wonderful person in your own right and have the power to do anything you want. Get a social life that doesnt involve being around this man - take up a hobby or sport, you'll meet loads of new people and feel better for it. As for friends, I am honoured to say that I have lots. However, I cant say I have any one 'special' friend as such - I value them all and they are all special to me. Take care hun & although its scary as one of the quotes on this website says "Why not go out on a limb? Thats where the fruit is". Be brave & you will move on to great things. Blessings Lil [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sweetsong [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11/01/07 12:14 thankyou. i have a broken heart but your story gave me hope. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: newy [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11/01/07 12:47 Well Sweetsong, we seem to be both in a very similar situation and lily has come up with the right things, they all have, its just different when its you that feels the pain. time is a good healer and i do believe that. I'm 40 and I really do feel past it. I just want to find myself. I send you my love hun, be strong. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Lilly from the Valley [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11/01/07 15:36 Newy, how can you say you are past it at 40? Your journey is just beginning and you are in your prime. Okay, you are at a bit of a low at the moment - weve all experienced it, some more than others. Try to see good in yourself and others - its a big world out there, full of wonderful people and you and sweetsong are amongst them. Negativity attracts negativity - try to be more positive (I know its easy to say) and more positive things and people will come to you. May inner peace find its way to both of you. BUA - Lil [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: sweetsong [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 12/01/07 11:37 yes i often think all these ideas are nice in theory but is so hard when faced with the let downs the whole time. i read pagan books or pages on this site feel good for half an hour and then reality sets in. everyone has all these supoprtive friendships but where do they find them? i am a nice person but things never get beyond casual friendships. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: newy [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 12/01/07 19:33 Hi Sweetsong. I understand what your saying, but it sounds as though your trying to hard. I get fed up all the time, my last break up really hit the core, I thought it was for life. The thing is, when we are feeling low, we just cant seem to see any kight at the end of the tunnel. I am a single parent bringing up 3 kids on my own and the first thing that goes through my head is always the same. " Who's gonna want to go out with a balding old git with 3 kids". To be honest, I wouldnt. What I am trying to say is pretty simple, if a person loves you for who you are, and not what they want or what you think you want, things will work out in the end. Ever heard the saying " love will find a way ". Dont worry Sweetsong, things will work out. I'm in the same position. Be Strong ( hope that makes sense to you ). Newy [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: jadewolf (smiling) [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 12/01/07 23:59 Hello sweetsong, Ive been away from the net for a little while, and this is the first post that i read coming back, and its reminded me just how much i missed this place, You do have a special friend hun, its you. this is the most calming and beautiful place to be while you find out just how much of a friend to yourself you are. I hope that your heart heals and your strength grows and you smile from the inside out. jade [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
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Author: Permandi [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 14/01/07 14:28 Hi all, this has been a very interesting and thought provoking thread for me.My moto has been 'blokes may come and go but friends are always there'. I have about four friends who are always there for me and a couple who I'm always there for them but they're not always there for me. Why do I keep them??? I don't know either!! I have had a few times when I've been desperate for 'Pagan People'but the Garden has helped there. Value all of you. As I sit here typing this, I wonder if I'm just droning on and that it's boring! I need to stop smoking and get fit, oh and stick to my diabetic diet to really love myself, if only someone could bottle willpower!!!! and a drop of self esteem. Newy, don't despair 40's a good age, you're old enough to know better but young enough to think what the hell and give it a go Happy 2007 Blessed be Permandi [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |