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Subject: to liz

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Date Posted: 17:45:35 05/19/02 Sun

yes, both of us in fact have been undergoing an emotionally intensive year from 2001-2002, for me, it was a long period of mourning over my lost love and all the "good old days". however, when looking back, although still with some hanging over emotions, i think this most devastating event is also the best gift i ever have in my life. by losing the most loving woman in my life, i found myself, after a lifetime of searching.

through my suffering, i truly understand what is suffering and pain of life, i understand what is life and i understand what is love, and the importance of appreciation and treasuring. if i have to name one thing that make life so miserable, i would say: the impermanency of life. as you will remember, things just happened, without warning, and your whole world was torn into piece. it seems that good thing just last a second but bad things last for a life, but i now can tell you, impermanence of life is not what make us suffer, coz someone told me in the midst of my sorrow, those who suffers should be grateful that life is impermanent, or suffering will last forever, now as least you have hope! the truth is, it was that wish of "hoping everything will be back in place when i wake up next morning" which tortures us. we "hope" we will get the "best" things all the time, but we forget best is constructed and maintained and things will change, and even if we really do have the best thing everyday, we get tired of it. then we move on to look for it, and the samsara goes on.

still, don't worry about rubbish and rotting tomato, i have the best protected cortex clothing and a 150 pounds foundation, so neither can you dirt me or overthrow me. just wish that you can be a bit more humble to learn from your life, and that's all i ask of you. and mind you, fireworks and energy-saving bulbs are just two sides of a coin, and heaven and hell are both in your heart.

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