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事緣我下午開完一個解決了很多問題的會議之後,還有些時候才輪到下場,於是就決定到葛瑪迦珠的佛堂坐坐。那裡正在翻新樓梯,卻又弄好一半未弄好另一半,令人非常不便,我幾經“艱辛”才終於上到它的後門。在那裡工作的菲律賓女傭,一個個子矮小、樣子老實的中年女人,很堅忍但又好怕事那種,來應門,她說喇嘛外出了,因此中心六點便關門(這個中心行政極之混亂),我說對不起我不知道,我只是想來禮禮佛、唸唸經,也沒甚麼,我走好了。但她說,沒關係,我最不喜歡別人一場來到卻要人走,你進來坐坐、休息吧。接著我們聊了幾句,互相抱怨樓梯工程,她說,他們又說樓梯已弄好,可以用了,但我想使用樓梯時,那些工人卻向我咆哮,把我嚇得半死。我說,他們對我也很沒禮貌,但可能他們不懂英文,便這樣對你了。

隨後,我安頓好自己禮佛持咒;那一刻非常安祥,那位菲傭對我而言就像菩薩一般,善良而且與人方便——可以的話,又何必要留難人呢﹖雖然她在那裡地位很低,但她沒有以此為藉口去拒絕他(那是我用得最多的手段和把戲)。

然後我突然感到一陣悲哀:我已不是第一次見到一些較為草根的香港(男)人,(由於不懂英文﹖)向外籍傭工像狗吠一樣地咆哮,換著我我不會說很驚慌,我會覺得這樣很侮辱。但與此同時,他們在社會中一樣飽受歧視;一個不受尊重的人,既不懂得尊重人也不懂尊重自己。在社會底層的人,往往會不自覺地自相殘殺,或踐踏地位比他們更低的人,這是令人悲哀的。

最後,我決定把我的祈禱迴向給這兩個人,我希望那位女士能早日賺夠金錢,不必再與為了生活與家人離散;至於那位工人,我希望他有一天能受到善悲和有尊嚴的對待而覺悟。佛法說,人今生的際遇都是累生積聚的結果,這個說法或許能解釋到一些人間的不平事,但這些因和果,知道就是了,也不是甚麼大不了的事情;反而,佛法亦說,只要覺就能解脫,這才是重要的。

末了,那位女士,她叫Pal(唸“拋”)特意為我打開鐵閘好讓我可以乘電梯離開(還托著鐵閘好久),我說不要麻煩了,我走後樓梯就可以。她說,不,路不好走,沒關係的。我說謝謝你,佛菩薩一定會保佑你,她就好開心說多謝;至於那個男人,我好想對她說:原諒他吧,他不知道自己在做甚麼。原諒他人,也是原諒自己;不過最後我還是忘記了說。
Replies:
Subject: hi


Author:
zero
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 11:24:43 07/25/03 Fri

Subject: 網頁更新的照片還不錯


Author:
zeng_tu
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 12:11:33 03/09/03 Sun

照片不錯看
我喜歡新疆那張
你穿藏服那張
怎麼你穿起來像戲服
加上那頂假髮
就更好玩了
希望你常常更新你的網頁
透過你看到不同的世界
Subject: Site about meditation www.har-tzion.com


Author:
Eva
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 22:33:17 03/08/03 Sat

I recommend to everyone who wishes to enter this incredible site about Meditation , philosophy, enlightenment, wisdom. This site has given me so much, I hope it will give you too. www.har-tzion.com
Subject: Site about meditation www.har-tzion.com


Author:
Eva
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 13:58:10 03/08/03 Sat

I recommend to everyone who wishes to enter this incredible site about Meditation , philosophy, enlightenment, wisdom. This site has given me so much, I hope it will give you too. www.har-tzion.com
Subject: Site about meditation www.har-tzion.com


Author:
DanielleSantos
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 16:37:59 03/01/03 Sat

I recommend to everyone who wishes to enter this incredible site about Meditation, philosophy, enlightenment and wisdom. This site has given me so much, I hope it will give you too. www.har-tzion.com
Subject: sorry


Author:
chris holmes
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 15:28:00 02/21/03 Fri

call me at 478-328-6323 18/m/ga
Subject: sorry


Author:
chris holmes
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 15:25:17 02/21/03 Fri

call me at 328-6323 im 18/m/ga buy a calling carme
Subject: 新年快樂


Author:
p.silan
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 02:02:44 01/01/03 Wed

新年快樂
但是如果心情不改變
怎麼樣的很難快樂
所以......
換個心情
新年應該就會快樂了
Subject: 性與性別閱讀小組


Author:
lulu
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 02:48:30 10/23/02 Wed

dear friends,

i'm going to have a study group about gender and sexuality with QS. it would be a small mutual study group with regular (bi-monthly)meetings to share views and with participants to take turn to host meetings on self-select topics. the first meeting is expected to be held in mid-november.

please contact me if you're interested and please forward this information to anyone you know who'll be interested to join.

thanks!

cheers,

lulu/lucetta






性與性別閱讀小組

一起看書、深入地思考和反省;用新知識閱讀世界,閱讀自己。



這是一個關於性別、身份、女同志文化、同志運動、理論、歷史、

女性主義或更多其他妳想知道和討論的話題的空間。



在這裡,妳可以盡情地發問、討論、吸收、學習、創造、越界思考,

也盡情地成長、發展……



從妳自己的性別選擇/認同、身份政治、

生活理念、情慾角色扮演等等說起……


一切,從妳的參與開始。


對象:享受閱讀和思考、對性與性別議題有初步認識的女性

形式/主題:有關性別及性意識形態討論、書籍閱讀分享、電影欣賞分享或任何較深入或學術性的分享等等,由參加者共同決定。

主持:由參加者輪流就個別自選主題主持討論和統籌其他形式的活動,或視乎題目邀請嘉賓主持。

人數/組合:由6至10人組成的固定討論團體。

報名方式:請預備一至兩個妳希望在小組討論的題目及其簡介,在11月8日前電郵至lucettakam@yahoo.com.hk。

第一次見面日期:二零零二年十一月中(稍後通知)

次數:每兩個月一次

時間:2-3小時(舉行日期及時間由參加者集體決定)

地點:自助組織發展中心-九龍尖沙咀河內道3-4號世紀商業大廈8字樓 (尖沙咀地鐵站D2出口)

費用:免費(如有需要,參加者需支付閱讀資料的影印費)

查詢:Lulu 9281 9764/ lucettakam@yahoo.com.hk
Subject: For your recommendation


Author:
Wai Ching
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 18:46:05 08/16/02 Fri

Mail to your "new" address was bounced back two times. Hope you are doing well. Two things I am soliciting your help:
1) your recommendation of names from Taiwan, HK or China for participation in a small conference on Religion and Gender. We are looking for scholars who would like to address the issue of Gender and Politics in the context of Buddhism.

2) your availability for translation of one article in Asian feminist theology before October.

If you could provide me with a Email address that could reach you, I would explain the details to you.

Take care,
Wai Ching
Subject: 忘記了近代的五四


Author:
szeto
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 16:07:43 07/07/02 Sun

甘甘與晨晨,
晨晨說最近回去看《老殘遊記》,就令我想到以往幾年跑去讀近/現代中國思潮史的經驗!很難想像罷,我這個讀番書、做當代研究的去做這些。但是最大收穫、也是驅使我讀下去的,是現在多給遺忘了的一些當時的「文化研究」。讀了一堆當時已經很仔細的文化回顧與反思與及很深刻的東西文化研究!也發現,在洋務運動還沒成氣候的當時,已經有人反思現在叫五四的那種文化政治視野,而五四是幾十到十幾年後的事!很驚訝。還有後來,連魯迅跟一些五四時代當時的人物,也已經看到現在叫「五四」思潮的那種意識形態會走到「法西斯」的邏輯危機裡面,雖然那時還沒有fascism這個概念。不過他們的細密與複雜給大潮流誤讀與略過了。很可惜!那個大潮流,給他們什麼好東西也是會糟蹋了的。所以五四文化邏輯終於造就了一個毛澤東。我做的研究頭兩章就是看「好男人」跟「好漢」的爛攤子是怎麼從近代搞到當代去的。連歷史家陳寅恪,學貫古今、了解中原和邊緣文化、經歷了五四到文革的人,也跳不出五四遺傳的一些盲點。香港、台灣與中國運動與文化界裡面的「好漢」與「新好男人」,就更不在話下了。我要為他們一脈相承的毛病作一清二楚的病歷,也要把那病態當今的不同變種一語道破。這個近代到當代的國家棟梁一塌糊塗的脈絡一定要寫出來。還有很多要想要講。回來再好好談罷。
Replies:
Subject: How European Fascism Studies can be useful for our contexts


Author:
szeto
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 14:05:39 07/07/02 Sun

Dear gumgum and friends,
My dissertation actually uses a lot of Jewish and Central European scholarship on fascism and the Holocaust in the analysis of ethnic and sexual violence, as well as national and mainstream cultural imaginations/myths of our own contemporary Chinese contexts. We will certainly discuss more extensively when we see each other. For the past several years, scholars like Alenka Zupancic, Renata Salecl, Slavoj Zizek, Giorgio Agamben, Jacques Derrida, Judith Butler, Arjun Appadurai and others, all focus on the issue of cultural fantasies and violence, cultural fantasies and hatred, etc., whether obvious or subtle, sexual and/or racial.
My work is to analyse how these thoughts can be refined, modified and borrowed usefully to dicuss our own situations, especially when the problem is not yet as obvious.However, we can see the logic of the problem developing. Although it does not appear as horrible on the surface, our societies are already operating on those terrifying logics. The point is, how can we effectively convince people that things are so, and be able to show how and illustrate why.
Too long a story. Let's get together and chat more soon.

szeto
Subject: one more thing


Author:
sunsun
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 11:45:05 07/07/02 Sun

gumgum,

one more thing… similar to the ways you numbered the bad deeds of the govt, i think of this as the bad thing about hk is that the ways used by tung is now spreading everywhere... top-down, parental rule, fascist, lack of visions… in my school, we are struggling to get more "good" staffs in (there are already too many bad people), especially animation people. but regarding the recent staffing committee meeting which decided to hire an animator, a co-worker wrote:

1) there is no single animator
2) there is no woman
3) there is no people who know the art scene in hk
4) there is no one who has connections to pertinent industry in hk, or in the world
5) it consists of several people that are actually unrelated to the whole issue.

I’d add, there is no junior faculty and no one younger than 35... as a joke and a wishful thinking...

sigh!. is it like the govt we have now?
do you know, the school of creative media, a media school, is now headed by a person from law school (of course an white american), who basically knows nothing about the media, arts, technology, and cultural studies of course, who only talks about visions of the school and its relations with china, and always asks, " are we producing the right students?"

i was just asked about these on last fri!?!?!?!
what could i say?

take good care of yourself while fighting the evils!
sun
Subject: repsonse to gumgum


Author:
sunsun
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 11:19:05 07/07/02 Sun

hey gumgum,

thanks gumgum, it is so nice to read your stuffs. i mean not "nice" to be conscious like that, but "nice" to share. i did have so much similar feelings. remember i sent you a chinese article in late june regarding personal histories, the HONG KONG HISTORY, and the feelings i have living in hk? There are similar sentiments built-in. hang it here gumgum! Don’t be too frustrated. Let your soul be in a beautiful zen bath in the high mountains. Love yourself more!

i have a personal realization that we share some similar ways of thinking, no wonder we came from the same group before :-)

sigh! for my ways of "surviving", i don't just mean surviving on living, but supporting myself to live my ideas, i've turned to education. of course, i am lucky enough to be inside institutions. to be able to stay "inside", of course, we have to bear the bureaucracy and the painful experience to see it as merely the mirror of the real world. when you mentioned fascists, i remember lung yin tai's article on fascist artists, a fascist can play pretty good violin sometimes. so we have to be more careful, like in the dept that i am working, like ho chi peng (he was the head of arts development council before and a fucking mess!), the person who knows nothing except eye diseases and violin (maybe ballet and opera, if that says all about art) but is now in charge of home affairs...

see you when you are back. we can go to swimming together. health is important la... i will be extremly busy this month anyways. teaching a summer course. it is culture and identity (a good chance to talk more about fascists... we will talk about "under the lion rock hill”, politically bed time stories, and the story of cat massacre in 1730's. let you know more later).

hey, i might as well also share the chinese article i sent you before here, so more people can read it and raise discussions, although it is not directly about the handover.

讀龍應台後•••

很久沒有寫中文,很久沒有寫感情用事的信,太抑鬱了,所以一定要寫。

讀了龍應台的《百年思索》,心中忐忑不安,不安源於本身就在內的不安,如身體本身就是那麼脆弱,一頁紙界開皮肉可致血流滿手,一陣高聲頻可致panic disorder,真的那麼容易,把感覺放大了,就一發不可收拾。

讀龍應台,令人不安,因為思想要細密,因為個人要放諸於文化政治的千絲萬縷,因為情感流露於文字赤祼的程度,還因為那個複雜的歷史觀,而那個歷史觀,是比較文化的歷史觀,而不是大中國的。歷史觀。很驚嘆那種回首與前贍的耐心,很驚嘆那種相互(與自己或與他/她人)辯証的認真,又或是,那可以讓他/她人與自己辯論的空間,是那麼的難能可貴。在香港大多只有witty 的mocking,smart ass intellectuals全上位在文化中央或邊緣大吵大鬧,而他/她們是不可以被不同意的,雖然口裡說可以。

對龍的歷史觀與其分析於我的震撼,我沒能力講清楚,如風濕痛,在皮肉與筋骨之間,找不著精確的位置。詞窮,也是因為還未能想得透徹,用生命去心照明解。但在這裡我還是想試一試,寫一寫我可以聯想到的,因為,如果對別人理念的反應,是可以體現在思想的實驗、或新思考方式的軌跡、甚或思想的實踐。

然後,我想到自己走過的三十三年。在香港。如果歷史必然不是線性進步發展,重組它尤如自己做剪接的習慣,Shot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7,是線性排列,因為single channel 也是線性的,估勿論dv唔dv,但1與2並不是因為先後及進展的必然性而並置排列,可能因為7所以1在頭,而原因並沒有固定的邏輯,可能是5導致2可以被理解,而也可能3456當中次序並沒關係但卻能令人感動哭泣。

我想寫我是從七十年代走過來的,反應龍的文字請讓我寫一個故事 -- 我說故事因為我無法保証所有逝去之事沒有虛構成分,如果記憶時常錯亂(特別是我這一個笨小晨),而個人歷史都只是記憶的重組與再現。而已。此外,我又不得不先說明我是衝著要重溫《獅子山下》的道地現況來寫的。重播《獅子山下》的重要性,並不只在作品的內容與精神(老實說,作品的內容往往與其主題曲單向簡化的同舟共濟有所矛盾,而《獅子山下》的「懷舊」,又是源於財爺松哥背誦歌詞的真情假意•••),而是為啥在此時此刻重播?而這個策略是否有效?我想大家每晚「追住」看,隨了是因為某些單完真的很好看,也都無不只是因為現在的電視劇集實在太差勁。此外,也可以懷舊一番 。但是,於失業多年的中年人,於負資產壓在頭上的中產階級,於考不上大學的年青人,甚或,於只有part time lecturer做「搵朝唔得晚」的博士生,我不能看到《獅子山下》可以打動她/們個啥?!

啊!我還沒有寫我的故事,我記得我說過我想寫我是從七十年代走過來的,我還記得。幸好,我還記得。

七十年代,如果隨了電視劇的集體記憶之外,還有自己與一群男孩子周街走打球遊水,而討厭與女孩子在家中玩「公仔」的開放記憶,還有每個星期爸媽都帶我與弟弟去公園或新界遊玩的快樂記憶,然後,我較為明白,為什麼我情感多、愛家庭、有正義感、性意識鬆動、兩性都愛。

如果說,有怎樣的七十年代,所以有怎樣的八十年代。

八十年代,如果隨了經濟起飛物質逐漸充裕、麥當奴與超級市場的集體記憶之外,還有女校的保守封建,及當時因此而有對女性的鄙視,還有post punk、 syn-pop與 new wave,Siouxsie and the Banshees 、Sonic Youth、Depeche Mode與達明一派;如果隨了會考與高考的恐怖和不人道的集體記憶之外,還有與男與女初戀的驚心動魄,性的探索、快感與痛;如果隨了六四的火紅集體記憶之外,還有F.W繆腦、尚盧高達和莉亞普爾,然後,我較為明白,為什麼我開始走上一條不太一般的路。

然後,如果說,有怎樣的八十年代,所以有怎樣的九十年代。

然後,我就寫不下去了。如果說。因為太近、太多太亂,無法整理。整理需要心思幼細,重新定位,重估價值,太難了!所以廿一世紀對我來說是迷失。但是,不能整理個人歷史多壞,像歷史斷了層,找不出脈略、摸不到紋理,我討厭自己的窩囊與無能,然後想到龍所寫關於文明的累積:

像手捧著的透明的細瓷吧,一不小心就要粉碎。一旦嘩啦碎在地上,我們又得從頭再來,匍匐在地,從掘泥開始。

我時常討厭自己的半途而廢。扑心扑命搞性權運動十年,最後都選擇離開,但又好怕有些理念沒人接棒,不久之後又要重頭來一回,就像龍的「手捧著透明的細瓷」,一不小心打破了,很可惜,沒有承上啟下的歷史性。如行三步退二步的必然;如玩Survivors的人,手上只有一個小水桶,要把水從海裡運到沙灘上有洞的大水桶,一面倒一面漏,直至倒滿為止,身體健壯的男女走來走去,水裡沙地重複的來來回回,足跡與文化進展多多少少有點相似,不同的,是Survivors 只與氣力與時間搏鬥,而驅使文化前進卻要與智慧及意志搏鬥,當然,還要小心捧著手裡透明的細瓷,估勿論妳心裡有多急 !

可以簡簡單單的說被壓迫對抗權力中心多好,理直氣壯,不必害怕自己成為另一個authority,不用因生產了一個ahistorical 的論句或文本而感到內疚,不會否定自己,多好。而我的成長就是在不斷的自我否定中走過來的,一步一驚心,滿途淚痕。

不得不離開「同志」運動,那種只是權力中心的陴鴃A太恐怖了。反智被翻譯成打倒精英照顧草根,重視性權作為人權和運動策略被扭曲成為生吞活剝西方的運動模式(不知是哪一個西哪一個方哪一個時代),然後,打個明亮的牌坊標明「同志」也有其中國性(香港在哪裡呢?),已是萬世留芳了。而中國只有一,中國不一樣,只是相對西方而言,問題更甚者,只是相對美國而言。最後解放了同性戀,忘記了思想權力中心,放下了真正自由。這不是在講同性戀時在後面加個括弧包容了雙性戀就可以解決的。

龍概括論自由,「不被古人所欺,不為權貴所屈,不以群眾所惑。」於我,終身為鑒。

不得不離開。

最近因為要報考獎學金重新再整理CV,像一個賣弄生命的回顧,驚嘆那十七頁紙的重量之餘,卻一臉茫然、身心都累。

不得不離開。

最近也正構思一部關於旅遊、遊歷、遊走的超八/錄像作品,想到《老殘遊記》,又想到《一千零一夜》。覺得香港政府有更多女高官,送妳多一個「婦女事務委員會」,都不及一個山魯佐德,不只是因為她救了國民、也能講動聽的故事,而是,她的t敢,與正直。

最近多讀了中文,不是因為我這個「番書妹」(只是myth吧!)回頭是岸,而是有很多本來就懂的中文文本,為什麼可以這樣的拋諸腦後?都怪學術舞台的英語中心遊戲規則,或是自己的隨波俗流。龍的文字提到《老殘遊記》,令我去讀劉鶚的序:談哭泣,談身世,談文學於作者,談個人與社會,然後再化成哭泣,現於遊記。本想用於那個關於遊走的作品,但一想到翻譯便頭痛,沒有英文字幕又不能出影展,自己都真太窩囊了!

當然我還是會用劉鶚的文字,因為,太感動了,如龍的文字,令人重,令人哭,感動,因感受而動情。

龍寫「不是說,所有針砭時事們文章在事過境遷之後都要生去它的魅力?那麼為什麼梁啟超的文章在一百年之後仍舊讓四十歲的我覺得震動?」她之言,也震動了我(那種震動,不只是梁啟超的文字本身,而是她再挪用的方法,可以推開什麼論述):

夫既競天擇之公例,惟適者乃能生存。吾民族數千年生息於專制空氣之下,苟欲進取,必以詐f;苛欲自全,必以卑屈。其最富於此兩種性質之人,即其在社會上佔最優勝之位置者也。

我不知道這個分析專制政權塑造中國民族性於香港這個前殖民地有多中用,但實在驚覺「苟欲進取,必以詐f;苛欲自全,必以卑屈。」甪於分析現今香港有多精確。當然因為這裡還有資本主義這個催化濟,和泡沬經濟崩潰後人的意志的削磿,自由完全墮落。自己身於其中,不得以,而痛苦是在於自覺其不得以。

如果把自己的歷史身處點挪移,可以看到自己與歷史多一點嗎?因應自己對本土歷史及其文化內涵有限的認知。我生於一九六九,火紅革命decade的最後一年(如果這不只是一個myth),若是將之推前廿年,也許,我不難想像自己在六十年代是大學生會做些什麼,反之,我無法估計經歷了六十年代作為大學生之後,今時今日我可以做些什麼 ,因為前者理所當然,而後者,考驗意志。會是座擁大權的高官、盲目的專業人士,或是肚滿腸肥的生意人。還是,當個正直的高官、有長遠視野的專業人士,或是,一個有良心的生意人。

眼見壞人滿佈,壞事做盡(請原諒我的愛惡分明),想起魯迅的《狂人日記》:「歷來慣了,不以為非,還是喪掉良心,明知故犯呢?」

吃人的不再是禮教吧!而是恐懼,恐懼沒錢、恐懼沒工作、恐懼追求理想,害怕生病、害怕新環境、害怕說錯話、害怕做得不好,害怕沒將來。生活中的恐懼,內化到不著痕跡,無味無色,於這個只有資訊而棄掉知識的社會裡(特別在電腦時代),只有割裂的「專業」技倆而棄掉不同範疇知識之間的關係的社會裡,只有要讓大制度可以行走下去而棄掉真理追尋的社會裡,只有大財團控制一切而棄掉有遠見的集體經濟文化利益的社會裡 ,恐懼,是最好的控制工具。

因為恐懼,有人會尋死。而我,會抑鬱,及哭泣,所以《老殘遊記》的序特別使我動情。

吾人生今之時,有身世之感情,有家國之感情,有社會之感情,有種教之感情。其感情愈深者,其哭泣愈痛,此鴻都百鍊生 所以有老殘遊記之作也。

最近好想重唱《荳芽夢》(還記得大概是我四年級時候看的電視劇,充滿活力),不只是因為要對抗這個無力的年代重拾「獅子山下」的虛假同舟共濟實為分化群眾、強調社會和諧實為抹掉分歧的假面具,也是因為歌曲和歌詞那種純潔、一鼓作氣的年青的力量,和追求理想的素質,而這種文化素質,是個人的,也是社會的。也是現今社會正需要的。

請容我去織夢,用笑來造陣微風,把長路,也輕輕吹暖,陪著那,小豆芽夢。
請容我去追捕,踏遍途上萬條草,雖迷路,你應該知道,來日我,千呎高。
要把星都也採下來,其實我不慣等待,披青風,在天往又來,你不應該,偏要我改。
請容我有心事,夜半時候獨沉思,只期望,有天終可以,含著笑,講你知。

好想重唱,是因為再知道自己的音樂曾經感動人,這是那麼難得。最近,我聽兩個曾被我的聲音感動的年青人的音樂而被感動到哭了,都說人與人之間微妙的在連繫著。

好想學懂冷靜忍耐,這是多麼重要,但於這個逆來順受、明哲保身的社會裡,冷靜忍耐,造就不安;好想學懂靜心沉默,這是多麼重要,但在這個有冤無路訴、痛苦無處喊的社會裡,靜心沉默,造就不公。

已經一整年沒有寫出版的文章(只是「整理」身體已經太累了),這陣子屯積的感受,一下子急湧出來,躊躇滿志。請讓我繼續沉默,不被害怕沒有出版而恐懼,累積深思,留待下一次(希望不用一年之後),再與您分享!

吾知海內千芳,人間萬豔,必有與吾同哭同悲者焉!
-- 劉鶚


二零零二年六月十二日
Subject: 是新的首頁嗎?還是我看錯了?


Author:
路人甲
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Date Posted: 00:18:59 07/02/02 Tue

是什麼樣的心情促使首頁改變?難道是回歸中國五週年慶嗎?希望是我自己多想了.不管如何,希望以前活絡的留言版也能夠有新的氣象
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Subject: to discovery channel bo and all


Author:
lulu
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Date Posted: 16:57:26 07/06/02 Sat

dear discovery channel bo,我也不理世事很久(也許從來沒有理過),只是每天匆匆的看一次新聞版和娛樂版再加discovery channel的女戰士或木乃伊節目。

看妳的這篇文章,心情變得愈來愈沉重,也非常「佩服」妳一貫的頭腦清醒(小事除外)……

的確,最近看電視看報紙,妳都會被一種強大的論述包圍,好像前幾天一個小男孩幫媽媽推垃圾車,傷了一隻腳指頭,這段新聞上了東方的第二大頭版,看下去知道原來小男孩來自綜援家庭,他的媽媽為了灌輸自強的思想,寧願放棄一部分的綜援每天工作12小時來賺HK$3000,小男孩課餘便幫媽媽倒垃圾,這次不幸受了傷。報告大力讚揚這家人的自強意識,更把他們標為新移民的典範。在很多其他新聞報告中,當事人的綜援人士「身份」都變成了一個指標,真的變成了一個「身份」,妳做甚麼都和這個身份有關。就像最近看東方日報(我家是這份cheap報的惰性讀者,看了十幾廿年),妳會發現忽然多了很多這些自強不息、自力更生的故事,以前是專揭綜援人士的扼錢偷懶故事,這陣子流行的是這類寧被僱主剝削也不領綜援的充滿宣傳意味的新聞故事,真的讓我有些回到大陸的感覺,以前大陸的報紙上寫的都是令人熱淚盈眶的故事,讓讀者感到生活在一個人間有情、互助互愛的社會。不太看電視的我也被「感染」到這股正在強勢刮起的自力更生懷舊風氣,有時也會覺得唔……只要捱過目前,將來便有好日子過,還是把不開心的事情吞下去,死做爛做吧。不過,如果真的是把幾十年前的拚博精神搬到現在便能解決問題,那實在是有點浪漫化了現在大多數人正在忍受的苦。看港台節目,七十年代的女工說以前只有勤力便有工開,放工之後妳勤力些穿多點膠花,就可以賺多一些,只要肯做就可以賺到。我和媽咪一邊吃飯一邊看這個節目,媽咪說我現在也想在家裡穿膠花賺一些錢,當然大家都明白膠花已經沒有了,現在已經不是一個肯做就有得賺的年代。明明電視上說的是咸豐年代的事情,國情已經不一樣了,可是大家還是有本事在結論的時候依舊套上自強不息的麻醉宣傳口號。

我最近沈淪在自己的水深火熱中,看了妳(甘甘)寫的這篇文章,的確讓我有些反省。我不熟悉法西斯,只是從電影中去認識。不過,從妳羅列這五年來種種的特區政府罪狀,的確是很心寒。更加印證了我的「家訓」:共產黨是鬥不過的。香港只是慢慢或愈來愈快地步向大陸模式。大家說話只能有一套模式,妳說得對,這套自強論述的implication是把大家的苦難個人化,閹割監管機構,把口徑不一的言論妖魔化。而且,香港的傳媒(本來也應是監管機構)也快徹底被閹割,在適當的時候會自動自覺的以不同的新聞故事來配合政府論述,這種做法和大陸的報紙有甚麼分別?而且妳只要仔細用腦想一想,政府的論述(其實我懷疑他們根本沒有一套前後一致的論述,也許只是好似好合理的亂述)其實邏輯非常混亂,你不要家庭團聚的新移民,只要投資和技術移民,首先,我想到的是難道這些專才不會「搶我們的飯碗」嗎?我正在擔心讀完博士也找不到一份似樣的工,你還在招攬「專才」,香港那些大學失業生都只配做廉價低級勞工嗎?這個政府只會讓我看到偽善和愚蠢,連「奸」和「有手段」都說不上……想太多,只會影響自己「自強不息,終生增值」的心情……難怪身邊愈來愈多朋友北上工作,與其對著偽善假民主的香港政府,不如大家清清楚楚去擺到明沒有民主的大陸生活算了。
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Subject: 甘甘回歸五週年文章


Author:
see toe
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Date Posted: 15:30:53 07/06/02 Sat

好痛快喔!我論文可以引用嗎?
我只看了網上新聞已經覺得好難看!妳們看現場直播一定嚇死了!
看了真的哭笑不分呢!
我八月一號至十五號在香港,妳回來了沒有?
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Subject: 拋磚引玉


Author:
gumgum
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Date Posted: 14:20:39 07/06/02 Sat

納粹新新香港人
金佩瑋

看完回歸五周年煙花匯演,不但又見證一次聲勢浩大的州官放火,而且終於找到一個可以貫穿這五年所發生的一切,或說是特區正在發展的指向的詞彙——法西斯,或曰納粹也可以。

指香港正朝著納粹/法西斯的方向進發,並不是一些個人情緒謾罵或嘩眾取寵的嘲諷,而是靜觀這五年所發生的大小公眾事件時(雖然我近年已不關心時事,但看看有線電視新聞二或總是有的),有一種讓人難以名狀的鬱悶,初時以為是因為回歸後特區政府唯中央之命是從,後來又覺是資本主義極度擴張,但竟然就在廿三分鐘的煙花爆破中,在江主席要公務員聽話、董特首哀嘆人力錯配之時,我終於明白,之前我估的都只是煙幕和插曲,問題的核心,是我們正步向一個法西斯的城市。

我是怎樣從煙花匯演中得到靈感的?愛看煙花的很cheap的我,在〈天地初開〉的頭幾分鐘,對壯麗的煙花還是有幾便士的動容,然後,當那個被重構的香港歷史(煙花匯演的主題之一),以beatles的can't buy me love來粉飾那個連番暴動,儼如戰爭的火/血紅六十年代時,我的熱淚開始被質疑冷卻下來。然後,七十年代奏出《獅子山下》,我就開始知道煙花匯演和那一系列可怕的「香港再造」廣告,是同出一轍的社會論述,其旨在喚起/重塑香港人那些源自拒共恐中而來的集體記憶和身分。八十年代以《男兒當自強》來代表,是非常搞笑的,因為我首先聯想到的就是支聯會(未改善之前)的《祭好漢》,但無論如何,臭汗的味道已呼之欲出;九十年代的《英雄出少年》,雖然無厘頭得緊要,但陽剛氣質的主題,終於明確登場。至於二千年那首灌輸年青人親中愛港意識的《我們青年人》,政治宣傳,不用多說。

當下我想,這大概就是特區政府對眼前人民的主觀願望的話言,即是說,一種關於理想新新香港人的論述正在形成:親中愛港、能揣上意、智能服從、精英勤奮、不斷增價、厭惡民主、輕視多元、唯利是圖,而且永不言敗、遇強愈強,富於陽剛氣質。表面看,這些氣質都很一般,與納粹/法西斯又扯得上甚麼關係呢?

如果有看過Leni Riefenstahl的 Olympiad和Triumph of the Will;如果閑時喜會看看BBC和Discovery Channel甚至陽光衛視的歷史頻道;如果是對二次大戰歷史熟悉的朋友,可能就會明白我的憂慮。趕絕爭取居權人士、限制言論自由、擴張警力、閹割監管機構(如平機會、申訴署、甚至廉署等)、高官問責制、收緊公安條例、擬訂反邪教法,現在還加上那個高唱極端資本主義的香港再造運動(對不起,我孤陋寡聞,誰可以告訴我,那究竟是哪裡跑出來的東西?)……表面上是向北京投誠,事實上那也佔了很大的成分,但更重要的是,一種近似納粹/法西斯的大論述正在形成,並有可能在強大國家機器的支援下,主導社會。

事實上,理想新新香港人的氣質,正與納粹/法西斯神話中優良種族的氣質互相輝映。極端愛國主義和種族主義,在居港權事件與權力錯配的論述中得到體現,不同的是被暗示為學歷低資質差新移民(港人內地所生子女)與外傭替代了half-human的猶太人、吉卜賽人、同性戀者……譴返/被拒入境替代了拘禁;而中國內地亦取代了Holocaust。只有最優秀的人才有資格來這城市中定居,而生於這個城市的人亦要日日增值、夜夜培訓,否則將一樣要移民中國。

法西斯/納粹崇尚英雄、權威,並且追求一致性的集體服從,具體示現是Riefenstahl電影中那種迫爆銀幕的陽剛氣質——這亦正是優柔寡斷的董建華的性幻想,他早就提出了要強勢統治,因此鍾庭耀與一系列限制言論/學術自由事件、嚴打學生與收緊公安條例等,其實都是邁向法西斯對人民絕對服從的操演的過程。從這些大是大非的事情看,可能比較容易理解我的論點,但港人自殺,甚至抱怨,都可替代了回天乏術的經濟而成為對治焦點,卻才是更厲害的法西斯論述調控。

從性別政治的角度去看,極權政權最善於騎劫陽剛氣質,並把自己裝扮成不論是希特勒的蓋世還是董建華的悲劇英雄,同時,異議、礙眼或要消滅的一切,都會被論述成陰柔軟弱;而褒陽貶陰就正是父權社會的普遍作法。此間,香港再造運動鼓吹化怨氣為力量,把抱怨述說成弱者的行為,並提出大量積極進取的話語,(註) 就是一個好例子——抱怨固然不是好行為,但我們也要問問為何抱怨,而不是把社會/政府的責任個人化;再者,極度資本主義的所謂積極,又真的能夠解決當前的困境嗎?還只是把問題拖延到更萬劫不復的地步?此外,九七前是道德勇氣主流規範的民主多元論述,現已被人覺得是婆媽拉扯潑婦罵街,是在論述上把敵人妖魔化/陰柔化的另一成功例子。在納粹/法西斯的話語裡,陰柔氣質是最為人不齒的,甚至只是和而不同,也是死罪。

最後,這些論述雖然表面上是由董建華政府主導,但實際上卻是社會各階層,不論以服從或是反抗的姿態,共同參與形成的。另外,不論法西斯香港的打造終於會否「成功」,納粹/法西斯的論述卻已每日每日的滲進我們生活中每一個最微細的環節裡,這對我們的社會和民眾將造成難以治癒的傷害。故此,我冒著被嘲笑狠批的風險,寫下這篇可能其實一點也不新鮮的文章,才疏學淺的我無法為大家提出甚麼答案,而只是想邀請大家為這議題開展一個新的思維,我又希望大家當中有熟悉納粹/法西斯歷史的人能告訴我們,當日在納粹/法西斯,甚至是共產極權下生活的人民,他/她們是如何cope and resist那些無堅不摧的浩瀚論述力量?權力永遠不可能是一面倒的,但我們可以怎樣做?





(註)「香港再造」網頁的序言:每日,不斷有人抱怨經濟低迷、失業率不斷上升......不利消息多於一切。抱怨, 又如何?是時候化怨氣為力量,並轉化為積極思想。只要您想,自能達成理想!要香港輝煌如惜、更勝從前,全賴我們共同努力,共創佳績。
Subject: reply to lulu


Author:
gumgum
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 19:41:45 05/27/02 Mon

1. yes, "system" mean the way we're thinking, but it should be more meaningful when we say it means WE. WE are the system, for without WE, we have no system. as one stand-up comedian said, the best way to fight against hegemonic power is to stop having kids. to a larger or less extend, we all contribute to the system, we maintain it, we bound by it, mode it, change it; we trust it, depend on it, fight against it, overthrow it. every single person is the system.

2. it's a paradox, ppl who strive for a change of THE system, especially those in the field of sexual liberation and sexual rights, are so true and passionate and yet at the same hypocratic and cold. we cry slogans, we live by theories, but we despite/forgot about human feelings and emotion, which we think is old fashion and not stylish and should be denounced. I was just asking for a more humane movement and was thrown to the ming kwong sher camp. so you see, this is our limitation. we (including me) always think and act in a dualism manner: either you are we or you are them. so i dont see there is any different between u and me.

3. dont get me wrong. theory is not at all evil, living by the theory and forcing other to live out theory is. i like theory as i like map and dictionary, i have been a theory person in all my life, but there is also a time when i was even blind by theory (the time when i shine like a shooting star). i am learning more and more theory now so (i think) i am more mature with it now. i am just very pissed off by those ppl (eg, those old "comrades") who know a lot of theories and using those theories in a immature way to attack ppl/justify themselves. i perceive myself a honest person so my weakness and limitation is i expect others to be honest (to themselves) too.

4. communicate........actually, i dont really believe in dialogue, coz most ppl do not prepare to change their mind and just wanna change others during dialogue, maybe to u i am also like that. real communicate is very hard for human beings that i am fairly pessimistic to it, tho yes, i really do hope at least we can communicate better as i believe we have been long time ago. however, that does not mean that communicate can solve the loneliness issue. i have been walking into the no-man land and it is not just on ideology, also physical and spiritual.
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Subject: hello my dear friends


Author:
ele
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Date Posted: 06:39:35 05/24/02 Fri

hello everybody, it's a very long time since i last wrote to you guys, and it seems like a long time since we last met.... even though it's merely two months...

yes, i can testify that it has been a very intensive year for the two of you, and i have learnt a lot from it even though i was merely an 'observer' of the whole 'drama'....

human beings, or should i say all sentient beings, are 'queer' entities... so much driven by our hormones and neuro-chemistry, but what's the most frightening is that a lot of our decisions are made based on those passional/irrational moments....

today, i have been feeling rather moody and depressed. i know very well why it is the case - my period is going to come soon - yet the realisation of it doesn't stop my emotions from being unstable....

today, i have been thinking a lot about the meaning/mission of my life... sigh... those questions have haunted me for decades, but i haven't asked those questions for over two years already, and now they are coming back to me, and i know that it's more than some simple philosophical investigation, it's a sign of my old friend - melancholy - coming back to me....

i then think about why i feel this way again. and the answer seems silly, superficial, yet true - i think i start feeling homesick again for being in this kind of indefinitely long self-imposed exile......

anyway, i don't want to burden you on my stupid emotions, but i feel better bursting them out.

anyway, got to go back to do some work.
i miss you all.
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Subject: dear ele@kim.home


Author:
gumgum
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Date Posted: 14:09:16 05/25/02 Sat

well, sin sang said that i am such a serious person, indeed i am, too heavy. but i don't mind that, coz i will parallel myself to important ppl and not the day-dreaming ones. my "problem" is that i cannot see things as simple and straight forwards as b4. i think it happen after the may 1999 rally outside legco, and to its height in the past one year. my own suffering leads me to see things beyond theory, system and ultimate ideal, not i am a rebel no more, not really i become ming kwong sher, but i rather take very intimate, delicate human feelings, emotions and relations into account when we talk abt liberation and other ideoloty, not just crying we must liberate and change the system - WHO is the system afterall? i think the more important now is to learn and recognize our weaknesses and limitaions, without that, it is just hypocrisy and fake, big, empty to claim to breakthrough and go beyond. i think i am in this learning stage, and i believe i will be able to produce a more credible "theory" after this. ppl think that i have "betray" them coz i am a shut fun fu yan (a new label) and my words are credible no more, but i am so sure i will go beyond these in a forseeable future. and on the other hand, i am so sure that i will be very very lonely in the coming future too, and i may become "mad", so you will be so much needed after you become a psychiatrist and you should become my personal doctor by that time. ;)

take care my friend, you are such a treasure in my life, keep well coz you r needed by so many. see?
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Subject: dear ele


Author:
gumgum
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Date Posted: 22:56:59 05/24/02 Fri

oh, the board really sucks, my reply to ur msg was broken. anyway, i bumped into some old "friends" tonight and i feel so far away from them. i think i have changed so much, that even when i am studying all the de-construction and liberation theory, i cannot live by them at all, as i have, or other ppl imagine me have perform it. and i think there is no way to good back or even look back. and feel really pissed off to talk to them again, that we dont have common language anymore.
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Subject: to liz


Author:
gumgum
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Date Posted: 17:45:35 05/19/02 Sun

yes, both of us in fact have been undergoing an emotionally intensive year from 2001-2002, for me, it was a long period of mourning over my lost love and all the "good old days". however, when looking back, although still with some hanging over emotions, i think this most devastating event is also the best gift i ever have in my life. by losing the most loving woman in my life, i found myself, after a lifetime of searching.

through my suffering, i truly understand what is suffering and pain of life, i understand what is life and i understand what is love, and the importance of appreciation and treasuring. if i have to name one thing that make life so miserable, i would say: the impermanency of life. as you will remember, things just happened, without warning, and your whole world was torn into piece. it seems that good thing just last a second but bad things last for a life, but i now can tell you, impermanence of life is not what make us suffer, coz someone told me in the midst of my sorrow, those who suffers should be grateful that life is impermanent, or suffering will last forever, now as least you have hope! the truth is, it was that wish of "hoping everything will be back in place when i wake up next morning" which tortures us. we "hope" we will get the "best" things all the time, but we forget best is constructed and maintained and things will change, and even if we really do have the best thing everyday, we get tired of it. then we move on to look for it, and the samsara goes on.

still, don't worry about rubbish and rotting tomato, i have the best protected cortex clothing and a 150 pounds foundation, so neither can you dirt me or overthrow me. just wish that you can be a bit more humble to learn from your life, and that's all i ask of you. and mind you, fireworks and energy-saving bulbs are just two sides of a coin, and heaven and hell are both in your heart.
Subject: to gum gum


Author:
liz
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 17:48:18 05/18/02 Sat

hi everybody, i'm liz from b-zine, the cyber neighbour of gum gum.

it seems that we're so much preoccupied this year... my message board is in coma, and now seems that this board is no longer as active as before.

i have been undergoing an emotionally intensive year. tumbled from here and there in relationships. i have undergone the most terrible moments in my life. it's the dark age of my emotional life. my mechanism is i try to forget about everything that tortures me. but still i can remember the suffocating nights sitting before the computer and weeping quietly in dark. i never know it can be that torturing in relationship. i think i can no longer love as lightly as before. it's like there's already to much dust in my heart. i was so longing to leave everything, be an escapist, living in another part of the world and totally forget about everything. i've made people suffer because of me and i'm suffering from the consequence.

i have tasted finally of the feeling of hating myself. i just let my emotion drifting around. now, i'm just walking out from one pool of mud. i hope i can get the "peace of mind" which i am so longing for and stop tumbling around in mud.

i dont know if this board is still active or not, but if not too 肉麻, i really want to show my thankfulness to gum gum, altho i always throw rubbish and rotting tomato at u, and always intends to overthrow u, i really appreciate your extraordinary generosity to me and always keep a caring eye on me no matter i'm a monster or a normal person. i'm starting to picking up myself. and i'm really glad that after so many horrible times, we can still keep that bonding and you're still on my side :)

ok i know you always think i'm a ungrateful bitch, now i just post here to let you know altho sometimes i'm a bitch, but also i have some heart and am really grateful for what you have done in the past when i was in hell :)
Subject: 分享


Author:
阿十
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 16:26:02 04/02/02 Tue

大嶼山大佛一遊

某假日,到了大嶼山大佛一遊. 上午八時許, 車巳駛抵半山. 那裡的空氣好得像純氧氣. 晨早的露水漫著這山頭, 我們就此餐風飲露, 感覺怡然; 一股(仙)鮮氣襲來, 連當日伴隨的"訓黎頸", 也奇異地突然除去. 路上看到的, 是像仙境般的霞霧,白茫茫的, 浸潤了滿山群蒼, 氣魄之懾人, 令人意想不到. 最想不到的, 是遇到一位僧人, 這位法師手持佛珠, 身穿黑色伽沙, 神清氣朗, 臉泛笑容, 滿心歡喜似的, 就像個歡喜佛. 遙看他昂首闊步,大搖大擺地,從廟宇中步出, 情景豁然飄逸; 道上, 他向陌生的途人,熱誠的點頭打著招呼. 那種笑容, 親切,真誠而率性, 仿佛每天都有喜慶似的. 凡人見之,也會感受到那由衷的笑意和關懷. 我們都被她傻傻的笑感染著, 連忙回敬他一把. 其後, 女友向她問了袓母年來想知的佛道問題,他都不厭其煩地, 站在巴士站旁那嘈雜的環境中, 旁若無人似的一一予以解析. 那像是慣常早就巳掛著的, 歡喜莫名的笑臉和舉動, 奇妙得很, 坊間難尋. 見者不難感受,那淨素的心靈, 和無私的襟懷, 就像滿山的清淨一般.

我認為他是一個笑僧, 喜悅之情甜香滿溢, 實在是人見人愛. 誠然,我們這些凡俗之人, 其實都巳擁有很多, 卻不能每刻豁然歡笑 ; 他擁有的是虛空, 卻時刻喜上心頭, 何解? ....的確很值得深思. 可能, 這位出家之人一日的歡笑,巳等如俗人一季的歡笑了.
Replies:
Subject: 這個網頁還是活著的嗎?


Author:
zeng
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Date Posted: 02:13:36 04/01/02 Mon

Replies:
Subject: 甘甘,唔知點解send唔倒email 俾你(mac.com)


Author:
cherry
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 17:24:53 10/30/01 Tue

Subject: 又再站在旁邊說要慈悲


Author:
gum
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 11:29:04 09/28/01 Fri

如果我是一個普通的阿富汗(女性)人民,我會用什麼方法反擊美國的霸權﹖我的答案是沒有。我受盡塔利班的壓迫(當然,他們也帶來一點和平)、生活的折磨,我哪還有氣力去反擊美國的霸權﹖但是,美國把我們都視作恐怖分子,連同情我們的妳都說我們這些窮途末路的人除了恐怖主義就沒有其他實質的方法去令國際明白我們的處境,我們的苦難——這實在是不公平哩!我們的國家二十年來都在受苦,深知甚麼叫做痛苦,我怎會希望同樣的痛苦臨在和我們一樣無辜的平民百姓身上﹖現在,可惡的美國人因為一個阿拉伯人而遷怒於我們,我們除了逃跑,已沒甚麼可作了。願真主得勝,請大家都為我們祈禱祈禱美國人不要打過來吧,那是我們唯一可以倚靠的力量。
Replies:
Subject: 問題


Author:
阿心
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 20:33:07 09/27/01 Thu

我想我們要問的問題是:
究竟誰在這些衝突中被犧牲?WHO SUFFERS? WHO DIES? 是拉登嗎?是布殊嗎?還是從來沒有權力參與制定任何政策和與這些衝突毫不相干的平民,婦女,兒童,草根階層?
另外,究竟誰在這些衝突中得益?

我們也要問,何時犧牲人命可以是一個justified cause,我們在反對這個霸權的同時,我們是否有一個正當理由可以用其他人的性命去反對這個霸權.
我更加關心的是,這種所謂"沒有其他方法"的辦法真的有效嗎?
真的有效嗎?
Replies:
Subject: to know more


Author:
liz
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 03:27:09 09/19/01 Wed

i dont sure if the facts or figures shown in the following article is verified or not, but just take it as reference and get a fuller picture of what's happening now.


媒體霸權打造的普世價值


隱藏性「攻擊者」與被隱藏「受害者」之間
原住民族部落工作隊


∼媒體霸權打造的普世價值∼

全球媒體自9月11日晚上九點多起開始24小時全程轉播報導「恐怖主義攻擊美國事件」,活生生的攻擊影像透過電視震撼全球。美國政府沈重的宣佈「這是對美國的戰爭行為」,並對「隱藏性攻擊者」宣戰,美國佈署在全球的情報網迅速交出一切可能的可疑名單,準備以高科技戰爭機器施以毀滅性打擊。

一切皆以「正義之名」進行,美國報復恐怖主義的一切手段已被完全合理化,沒有一個國家可以拒絕美國調借基地、關閉嫌疑國邊境的要求,電視一再放大的受害形象已讓報復成為普世價值,即使數日後美軍即將對嫌疑國的無辜人民進行血腥的屠城、屠村。

這次恐怖主義攻擊美國事件是否真如媒體所稱是「世紀之最」?讓我們來回顧歷
史!

(一)、九O年代至今,美軍一連串對伊拉克「懲罰性」攻擊,造成百萬伊國人民流
離失所,美國對伊拉克的長年封鎖禁運,缺乏奶粉的伊國幼兒餓死十多萬名。這是比「紐約攻擊事件」規模更大數十倍的恐怖罪行,只是,伊國人民的受害形象並未透過全電視呈現在世人之前,他們成為最悲慘的「世人皆曰可殺」的「被隱藏受害者」。

(二)六、七O年代的越戰,美軍的B52轟炸機一次丟下的炸彈可以使三平方英里土地成為焦土,當越南的人民看到天空的B52時,就已經註定要成為受害者;美機對越南叢林大量噴灑落葉劑,越南至今尚有數十萬因化學落葉劑引致畸形兒的悲慘問題;美軍懷疑窩藏越共的村落,被整村減絕式的屠殺,連留下來控訴美軍罪行的活口都沒有。這是比「紐約攻擊事件」規模更大千百倍的恐怖罪行,只是,當年整個西方媒體一面倒的報導「正義的、英勇的」美軍,受害者慘絕人寰的遭遇當然要被刻意的隱藏。

自五O年代韓戰起,美國一方面發動大規模的戰爭恐怖罪行,受害國或受害民族動輒百萬人喪生;一方面以媒體霸業醜化受害國或受害民族,並將之比擬為流氓國家。「紐約攻擊事件」後,媒體何不把鏡頭轉向第三世界的受害人民,採訪他們內心的看法。

1854年,印地安「西雅圖酋長」曾對白人說了一段預言:

當最後一個紅人從地上消失,
他的故事將在白人心中成為神話,
這海岸將蜂擁著我族人的靈魂;
當白人子孫的子孫在此地上、在聚落中、在路上、在林中,
自以為孤單,
其實,
他們並不孤單,
大地充滿紅人的靈魂。
白人永不孤單,
因為紅人的靈魂無堅不摧。

被隱藏「受害者」轉化為隱藏性「攻擊者」,印地安「西雅圖酋長」早在一百多年前就已預言。
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Subject: 答KUNGA DEYANG師兄值得深思的問題


Author:
西然拉莫
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Date Posted: 16:34:24 09/22/01 Sat

女身不單可以證阿羅漢果,女身跟男身一樣可以成佛,那是我在覺拉寺時師父說的。值得深思的問題並不在於女身可以證得甚麼,而在佛教人“認為”女身可以證得甚麼,那是我的研究方向之一。

佛教有沒有“歧視”女性是一個很弔詭的問題(我日後會儘量避免這個用詞,因為會引起誤會和對立情緒),由於佛教相對而言是一個重視多元、尊重小眾言論的,佛經種類繁多,甚麼樣的意見,甚至帶矛盾性的也包含在內;不同的經典,不同的詮釋(例如維摩經中舍利弗與天女的問答與原始佛教經典中把女性看成腐屍臭水是很有趣的對比),令我們不能立刻就說“佛教有沒有歧視女性”。事實上,我已不再從這方面去想,因為過去佛教是否歧視女性並不重要,最要是我們從今天開始,是否有空間去建構更同等、更切合此時此地的佛法論述。

我認為,即使未登菩薩境地,執著於男、女之相,也是無助於證悟的事情,但“去執”的過程,卻並不容易,也不能掉以輕心,因為不以性別去斷人與不去看見性別上的不同等是完全的兩回事。

我開學已三星期,功課繁重,但會努力上述的研究,希望真正能填補佛教在性別上的空白之處,並且得到大家的認同。
Subject: 值得深思的


Author:
KUNGA DEYANG
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Date Posted: 16:44:28 09/20/01 Thu

不必將佛教看成歧視女性的一類。我們可以想想﹕
--女人也可以得證阿羅漢果e.g耶輸陀羅比丘尼、波闍波提比仁尼...
--到了菩薩登地時,他們會執著男、女之相嗎?
而我們亦可在維摩經中,看看舍利弗與天女的問答,就可以明白佛教
對女性的真正態度是如何!
Subject: 一點回應


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 03:34:52 09/19/01 Wed

WTC事件令人聯想起兩件事——在談到恐怖分子行兇動機時,有朋友挑戰我的泛慈悲觀,問了兩個問題:

一、假如我身邊的親友受到無理欺負,我會如何反應﹖
二、假如我是一九四五年的中國人(或是現代的也可以),當我見到原子彈在日本上空爆炸的一剎那,難道我沒有快感嗎﹖

我今晚只能處理第一個問題。假如我身邊的親友受到無理欺負,我會如何反應﹖我說我會閃,朋友說她會反擊。翌日,我突然想起:不,我不會閃。當1999那一年我所認同的朋友受盡香港政府和市民的欺負的時候,我沒有挺身反擊,因為我知道我們的力量是那麼微小,但我沒有閃,我與他/她們一起受欺負,一起憤怒,一起哭泣。然後,發生了可怕的縱火“恐怖襲擊”;那一刻我真的好想死——我既悲於人的愚不可及,讓憤怒和仇恨拿自己與別人的生命作祭品,又哀於整體社會對弱勢者的不公義和敵視,把平凡蟻民迫上亡命之路;那種傷心、難過,在上星期的紐約災難中再一次感覺到。

“恐怖分子”是泯滅人性的喪心病狂,為了報仇,可以對人的痛苦與死亡完全無動於衷,我們如此相信——不過,若以此為定義,那幾位被美驅逐出境的中國記者和為數不少為千萬人的死亡而鼓掌的中國人民,不就正屬於這個類別嗎﹖“恐怖分子”的真面目究竟是怎樣的﹖他們為甚麼要行兇﹖我們往往只能從他們的“敵人”——通常是“大”的、一向擁有論述權的一方那裡得知,如此,我們也實在無須期待會有一個公平、接近真相的描述。

當然,先得聲明,我絕對厭惡任何形式的暴力行為,即使是“正義”的暴力也不例外,恐怖主義無論動機為何都是不能原諒的;即使那些是我的朋友,我也要對他們提出譴責。

我只是想提出一個問題:“恐怖主義”可能真的是喪心病狂,稍為有一點人性的都不可能成為“恐怖分子”;但反過來看,又是誰把他們推上恐怖主義的道路呢﹖世上不可能有沒有原因的結果。每一個人都有阿媽生,每個人生下來都不是這樣“恐怖”的,是甚麼讓他們變成這樣﹖不見得滿街都是喪心病狂的天才罪犯,天生撒旦的只是很少很少數;為甚麼偏偏在某些地方有那麼多人,他們的生命會是染滿了仇恨﹖我不是偏幫罪犯或譴責受害者,事實上,我們必須尊重所有苦難中的生者與死者,尊重別人,是我們尊重自己的第一步;我只是想說,自身經歷苦難可以讓我們更瞭解、同情別人的苦難,問題只在於,我們能否設身處地的從苦難(sufferings)中反省、學習痛苦(pain)帶給我們的真正的、重要的信息。我們悲受難的生者和死者(我仍無法容許自己去冥想災難發生時的景象),也要哀那些沒有福氣生長在以慈愛和尊重為最高價值的國度的人。

憤怒只會矇蔽人解決問題的智慧,復仇只會播下更多仇恨,而當我們看著別人受苦而自己感到快慰而不覺得羞恥,那麼,地獄之門已悄悄地為我們打開。
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Subject: 持續的教訓


Author:
po
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Date Posted: 14:08:30 09/19/01 Wed

對於美國今次的不幸事件,在傳媒以及其他坊間所報導的各种觀點
來看,經己令我到了想作嘔和煩厭的地步.
不幸又何止是美國呢?........
不幸的其實是"人類","人類"的体內存放著過量病態式的各种觀點,
迷信妄想主義,民族主義,貪欲主義...........
而每天的新聞報導也只不過在重復著歷史,原來"人類"的歷史幾千
年來都沒有變過,我們如昔一樣野蠻,不斷搶奪,滿足欲慾.
我們從來沒有學習過甚麼叫共存,甚麼叫關愛.
每天討論著三姑如何不幸,六婆死得沒有意義,那又如何?
在這件事上又有幾多人學習得到"珍惜"生命流程的真義.
"人類"究竟何時才肯學會照鏡反思?
我希望倘若有人明白的話,請嘗試由自己做起,建構自己的生存主義.
Subject: 三點反思


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 04:25:56 09/13/01 Thu

我首先想到的,是人生的無常。我在紐約三年半,世貿中心是一對象徵著重要、偉大和驕傲的門神,也是我年少歲月記憶的一部分。然後,像電影情節一樣,它們在眼前消失了,那是難以言諭的感覺——原來,世間真的沒有不倒下的高山、沒有不破滅的神話,無論我們多無法想象它會有末日的,或認為不可能倒下的東西,說要倒下就倒下,剎間全歸於零。在那個早上突然死亡的人們(願他/她們安息),都沒有想過生命會在那個時刻以這種方式結束吧——但其實我們有哪一個人不如他/她們一樣,生命會隨時因任何原因結束﹖就如那些人一樣,我們營營役役,把生命浪費在生活中,竟忘記自己會隨時死亡。CNN的記者問:美國人以後還會有安全感嗎﹖那一剎我突然明白,世上根本就沒有恆久、不變的安全這回事,甚至根本沒有安全這回事;安全感,不過是一些毫無根據的自我感覺罷了。一天我們無法接受無常這個事實,一天我們還是要活在恐懼與憂慮中。

然後,我再一次親眼看到,我們種下仇恨的種子,他日收割的,必然是仇恨。也許我們看不見,也許我們視而不見,強權大國們對不向他們躬身投誠的人如何以公義和愛國的名義合理化其旁若無人的魚肉欺凌和污名化——但我沒有說過可以用同樣的理由合理化任何傷害,只是說,萬事萬物,有因,必有果;事出,必有因,天災或人禍,只是各有前因而已。我真切感到的反而是無限的哀傷。在來回的仇恨和報復裡,所引發的,只是更多、更無法控制的仇恨而已。我突然發現自己無法譴責任何人,只是惋惜有些人只學懂尊重自己的生命而視他人的生命為一個價錢牌,有些人既學不懂得尊重自己也學不懂尊重他人,有些人更沒有機會學習不讓憤怒和仇恨焚毀自己,和他人的生命。然而,我想,我們可以不再糾纏在雞與蛋的問題上,而是解除武裝,重新開始嗎﹖

最後,當不倒的巨人再一次倒下以後,我們是否應認真想想全球化的問題﹖我對全球化並無甚研究,只是想象到,當我們醉生夢死的在金融市場找三餐的時候,有沒有想過自己只是在水中撈月﹖尤其是在經濟一體化之後,不要說戰爭了,就是任何的風吹草動,都會牽連幾億人。紐約受侵襲並不是一個新的概念,看過《哥斯拉》的宣傳片後我就想,紐約是全球幾個最集中的經濟樞紐之一,她完蛋了,我們還有明天嗎﹖我又想,在死難者當中,可能會有幾個並不“無辜”,可能他是一個把其他地區人民剝削淨盡的大資本家,報應終於臨到他頭上……

我想得太多了,開始近乎無理取鬧。只祈願,不要再有報復,不要再有戰爭,不要再有仇恨;當我們看到紐約人大排長龍爭相捐血的時候,我們看到人類相互間的愛和捨,祈願這些愛和捨不要間斷,更祈願這這些和捨能夠與他人分享,甚至“敵人”也不例外。
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Subject: 葛榮居士談滅苦


Author:
almond
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Date Posted: 15:01:59 08/30/01 Thu

請修習四聖諦


"It is only when we suffer that we find a way out of suffering."

- Godwin Samararatne

「只有當我們經歷苦的時候,才會找到離苦的道路。」

-葛榮居士

前一篇文章提及「四聖諦」是指苦、集(即苦因)、滅(即滅苦)和道(即滅苦的道路)。而葛榮居士還用了一些很簡單的方式來演繹這佛法,使眾同修較容易明白。他打了一個比喻,當一個人病了(苦),無需逃避或驚慌,也無需給它一個減號,但需斷症,找出生病的因由(苦因),才可以對症下藥(滅苦),然後還需經歷一個療程(滅苦的道路),才可以康復。

「四聖諦」可以說是南傳佛學的整個基礎,非常重要。

苦的聖諦、集的聖諦

葛榮居士曾提出一個有趣的問題。為甚麼「苦」是一個聖諦(聖潔的真諦)呢?答案其實很簡單,只有從苦學習才可以找出滅苦的道路。

相反,若見到苦或不舒適的感覺感受時便想盡方法去逃避或要它們盡快消失的話,便是抗拒苦,與苦搏鬥,沒有向苦學習它的起因,沒有對症下藥,那不但不自覺地在增加苦的力量,也不會認識滅苦之道。

因此,在日常生活中,當有苦或不舒適的感覺感受生起時,與其抗拒它,不如友善地提醒自己:「現正在經歷的是苦的聖諦。」有了這輕輕的提醒,便會明白到現在正是向苦學習的時刻,而不是盡快趕走它或與它搏鬥的時刻。

跟著便是第二步,亦即是實踐第二聖諦,學習向現正經歷的苦找出苦因。怎樣找出苦因?便是認識自己如何向面前的人和事作出喜愛和不喜愛(likes and dislikes),怎樣製造預期(expectations)、審判(judgement)和要求(demands),繼而怎樣被自己所製造的這些模型和概念所束縛與囚困。

認識與明白真正的苦因很重要,亦只有這樣我們才可以對症下藥,不再將種種問題歸咎或推卸給別人或周邊的環境,不再向外尋覓,而是向內望,繼而明白到只有自己才可以把自己從自己製造的苦惱中釋放出來,這是大自然的法則與規律。

滅的聖諦、道的聖諦

向內周的意思當然並不是將問題全數歸咎自己或背起所有責任,而是靠「自力」滅苦,靠自力認識與實踐第三聖諦,即滅苦的聖諦,,向現正經歷的處境學習如何友善地、輕輕地放開、捨下這些喜愛、不喜愛、預期、審判和要求。我們有能力單靠自力去放開、捨下它們嗎?當然有、肯定有,既然我們有能力去製造它們,當然也有能力放開、捨下它們。

如以前多篇文章已提及,放開、捨下的意思當然不是把事情拋諸腦後,置諸不理,或抱無所謂的態度,而是指覺醒地明白這些喜愛、不喜愛、預期、審判和要求都只是心所製造的故事,都是無實質的、無力量的、無他的。然後還須要有興趣地、無加號無減號地、耐性地、運用過往的經驗和知識去觀察、認識、回應和處理現前的實況,欣賞箇中所付出的努力,汲取箇中的經驗和教訓。

最後還須認識第四聖諦,即滅苦的道路。這道路並不可以靠改變外物,或強要自己立刻改變來實行的。而是須經歷長期和無數次向苦的學習、磨練,了解與明白真正的苦因,汲取滅苦時無論成敗得失的經驗和教訓,漸漸精進戒、定、慧來逐步改變自己。

在這些經歷的過程中,覺知、捨心、耐性、慈心、彈性等等心的質素自然會隨著所付出的時間與努力(自力)漸漸提升,貪、瞋、痴的心的雜質也自然會漸漸減薄。當這些心的質素漸漸提升和這些心的雜質漸漸減薄,心自然會越來越清晰,越來越有能耐,反思四聖諦和其他佛陀所說的法的運作時也會漸漸較容易明白、明瞭,實踐時所遇到的無知無明或障礙也會漸漸減少,這是一個很自然的過程。

因此,滅苦的道路便是修習與培育戒、定、慧。簡單而言,明白苦因是源於內而不是源於外便是「慧」。靠自力培訓上述的心的質素和過濾上述心的雜質,使心的能耐穩固、清晰,便是「定」。不單只是知道與明白,還靠自力一點一滴地嘗試、實踐、實習,便是「戒」。

祝願各位的修行是基於對四聖諦的興趣、明白與實踐,培育戒、定、慧,全靠自力一步一步的踏上這條滅苦的道路。
Subject: 萬花筒與理想國


Author:
cherry
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Date Posted: 01:49:16 08/22/01 Wed

晚上與友人在咖啡店談天,她正準備離港讀書,但又有點捨不得目前的工作,覺得上司很好。她有點兒一面倒地稱讚那位上司,也不知道是否因為行將離開的關係。我想,如果我是她,不知道是否也一樣受用。小時候喜歡玩萬花筒,幾片花花綠綠的碎片,在紙筒裡轉出一個又一個出人意表的世界。稍稍轉動,便是另一個洞天。幾個小朋友興致勃勃地輪流看玩,旁邊的人看著你一隻眼塞進萬花筒裡,卻無法窺探你看到的世界 —— 雖然大家看的是同一個萬花筒。

世界只有那麼一個紙筒和幾片花花綠綠的碎片 —— 還有看的人。萬花筒裡的世界只是一個隨機的圖案,看的人靠著想像和意願拼湊,砌出一個又一個不同的世界。萬花筒其實很簡單,但看的人可以看出很複雜/精彩的世界,讓它成為自己願望/情緒的投射。但是,如何在這種投影中,拆出萬花筒與「我」?如果將「我」從這個萬花筒裡抽走,那個紙筒和幾片花花綠綠的碎片,是否還有意思?

又或許說,我們可以參透/研究萬花筒的圖案,便不會受這花花綠綠的東西迷惑,看一眼便認得出它的本體。如此,萬花筒便轉不出萬花出來了,有的只是花和筒的實相。

不以物喜,不以物悲,真是一個理想的國度?
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Subject: reply


Author:
liz
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Date Posted: 22:13:01 05/13/01 Sun

is hating and condeming rich ppl the only way out for the acute global economic inequality? besides anger, anything else we can do to lessen the hardship of human beings? maybe i'm born out of the "black 5 categories" as to use the revolutionary term of the PRC dynasty, i'm puzzled of the conscious effort to hate the rich and to throw anger at them will bring any actual improvement to the situation. anger maybe a revolutionary force, but it can never allow your mind to be clear and balanced. the security measures and the attitude of the SAR gov't indeed deserve criticism and it contradicts the image of hk as a so-called "democratic" city. but just to hate the rich will ever bring hope to the under-priviledged ppl? what's the ultimate reasons which lead to the situation that makes so many ppl suffer?

it's a self-defeating effort if we only incite ppl's anger against the rich at the time when everyone dreams of getting rich themselves. just like the poor ppl after the formation of new china celebrated mao's policy to nationalise all the enterprises and private property, but later once the former poor ppl become rich, they are the same as their former rich enermies, privatisation and capitalism are never dead in ppl's mind even after the formation of the new china.

dear mao mao, i know you're very clear-minded despite u tend to express only 1/3 of your entire thinking :P. but there're ppl in hk who only have anger and slogans and i dont know who's their "target audience" or they are just having an anger demonstration show to make noise. i dont know what can we do besides anger and street shows?
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Subject: movie


Author:
bamb
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Date Posted: 15:36:17 08/26/01 Sun

Date:01/9/01 Sat
Time: 3p.m.-6-p.m.
venue: 2/f, 40 Lyndhurst Terrace,擺花街
Central, Hong Kong (close to Central Pedestrian
Escalator) WITH 80" VIDEO PROJECTOR
Resvervation Hotline: 6076 9179
addmission fee: HK$30 (included 1 drink)

母親的囂張跋扈
父親的畏瑣無能
開雜貨店的丁家
每每成了村中聚集看笑話的地方
天使就在這不堪與被遺棄中成長
一直到她發現自己對同性有著不尋常的愛戀......
國中時期的單戀
高中時期的淒楚戀情
戀人詹清清的自殺身亡
這一切
深深地傷著天使
想愛而不能愛
孤獨無助地任由母親摧殘
她只能藉著同性陌生的肉體
激起最後的熱情
沒有救贖
只有不繼地沉淪
一步步地燃燒殆盡......
Subject: 花開堪折直須折


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 10:35:01 08/19/01 Sun

花開堪折直須折

我最近有個想法,就是“花開堪折直須折,莫待無花空折枝。”我是那一種吃漢堡包會先吃掉邊然後才吃中間的餡,買花就要買多小花苞而非開得多的人;我總認為好的東西會留在後頭出現。因此,快樂的日子,我會很珍惜,但卻不懂得掌握當下,好好享受。然而,幾個月前,我突然明白了花開堪折直須折的道理;花開,不過是眼前一刻的事,若不在當下就好好享受,或“擁有”,花轉眼就會凋謝,或許被別人眼明手快的折去了。

我不知道這個想法是否正確,也不知道是時代變了,人生更加無常,還是這本來就是真理。

大家來討論一下吧。
Replies:
Subject: 請以現狀為禪修對象-葛榮居士


Author:
almond
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Date Posted: 19:42:38 08/19/01 Sun




"Learn to be one who is at home wherever you are.

- Godwin Samararatne"

“學習做一個無論去到那G都是在家的人。

-葛榮居士

曾經有段時間,在公司工作時總覺很煩躁,想跑回家。晚來回到家G,又覺沉悶,於是便去逛街。到了街上,又覺人頭湧湧,空氣污濁,於是又想回到公司,寄情工作。這樣,身便跟韝萿漱ㄕw,跑來跑去,尋找安心之所,但心從沒有安下來。佛學稱這為「掉舉」("restlessness"),即是坐立不安,意思是拿到一件東西,卻覺得是負累,於是便把它掉下,但掉下後又懊悔,把它拾回、舉起,之後又再感到負累,又再把它掉下,如事者一次又一次的掉下舉起。你有沒有觀察過你自己的身與心,有沒有掉舉,坐立不安,跑來跑去呢?

認識內間的玩具

葛榮居士曾笑說,雖然大眾已長大成人,但仍會依賴一些玩具。玩具是指我們認為是可以帶來快樂、滿足與安詳的外間的物質東西,於是便要得到它,然後又覺得它沒甚麼樂趣,便要轉換另一玩具。我們從小到大,總是把時間花於得到玩具,轉換玩具,最終心仍然不滿足,繼續尋找其他玩具。

葛榮居士建議,禪修可使你成為你自己的玩具。當你實習禪修,成為你自己的玩具時,你對韟菑v便感快樂、滿足與安詳,你便再無需要外間的玩具,因你已在內間找到快樂、滿足與安詳。當你的心快樂、滿足與安詳時,你獨處時會快樂,你與其他人共處時也會快樂,無論你身處公司、鬧市或家中,都同樣會快樂。

任何景象均有趣味

感恩有緣聽聞與修習葛榮居士許多建議與提示,不難體驗到他上述所講的說話。

現在回到公司工作,若有煩躁、厭倦或其他情緒生起時,這可成為觀察與學習的對象,實習如何覺醒、友善、無加號無減號地面對它們,學習不抗拒亦不跟隨情緒,運用經驗如實處理與回應事情。這些過往可惡的情緒,現卻成為禪修時對象(object of meditation)。沒有情緒時亦知道沒有情緒,同樣可以向它觀察與學習。遇到良善、狡猾、合理或不合理的上司、同事或客人時,他們就像不同種類的鏡子,讓我看清楚自己在不同境況下的反應、回應、有情緒、無情緒的次數、時間長短與程度的深淺,亦讓我可以訓練自己如何下次可以進步。這些過往使我逃避的人,現也成為禪修的對象,變得有趣。當這心不再愛好某些境或逃避另一些境時,心便自然會安於現狀,無需再跑去別處來尋找安穩。

同樣,在家閒坐時,若有沉悶的感覺升起,便學習如何友善地陪伴自己這位好朋友來經歷這感覺,看清楚這感覺可怕還是不可怕,還可運用這段時間修習觀呼吸或修習如何有建設性地反思,那這段過往想逃避的時刻,也成為禪修的對象,變得有趣。

甚至在街上遇到污濁空氣或人聲沸騰時,亦可運用這境況來觀察自己心所起的情緒或是沒有情緒,訓練自己如何可以在不改變周圍的環境下繼續做需要做的事情,學習如何不認同它們時亦無需討厭它們,修習捨心(equanimity)。那這些已往討厭的境,現也成為訓練與學習的機會,禪修的對象,變得有趣。

當認識到原來任何煩躁、厭倦、沉悶、快樂、不快樂等等情緒或感覺都可以是有趣而實際的觀察、學習與禪修的對象時,這一切便像內間的玩具,心不再逃避它們,而是面對它們,滿足於它們,自然地安於這境況。甚至當這境況改變與變化時,與其害怕或逃避這些變化,不如繼續觀察這些變化,向它們學習,學習如何以這些變化作為有趣的禪修對象。

祝願各位不用再東奔西跑去尋找,越是尋找心越是不滿足,學習如何可以運用任何現狀(包括它的改變和變化)作為觀察,學習與禪修的對象,認識這現狀的趣味,成為當下快樂,滿足與安詳的住處。
Subject: 葛榮居士談心


Author:
almond
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Date Posted: 18:14:21 08/19/01 Sun

We can use The Four Noble Truths in any situation."

- Godwin Samararatne

『我們可以運用四聖諦予任何情況。』

-葛榮居士

初學禪修的時候,誤以為禪修的其中一個目的是幫助自己解決煩惱和對治情緒。後來才明白到,禪修的目的或作用並不是這樣。禪修的其中一個作用是透過面對煩惱與情緒,觀察與了解它們由無到有,又由有到無的整個過程,繼而明白到原來煩惱與情緒並不是外間所帶來的,是源於心。既從心生,亦從心滅。然後學習不再將問題歸咎或推卸給別人或周邊的環境,學習培育心的質素(如覺知、捨心、耐性等等),過濾心的雜質(如貪、瞋、痴),以明白如何可以在任何處境中訓練戒、定、慧,可以無加號無減號地如實處理和回應面前的事物。這些了解、明白、實踐和訓練才是禪修的作用和重要性,而解決煩惱或超越情緒卻只是副產品和次要的。

苦、集、滅、道

葛榮居士曾多次提及佛陀所說的法中的四聖諦(The Four Noble Truths)。四聖諦是指苦、集(即苦因)、滅(即滅苦)和道(即滅苦的道路)。

葛榮居士還用了一些很簡單的方式來演譯這佛法,使眾同修較容易明白。他打了一個比喻,當一個人病了(苦),無需逃避或驚慌,也無需給它一個滅號,但需斷症,找出生病的因由(苦因),才可以對症下藥(滅苦),然後還需經歷一個療程(滅苦的道路),才可以康復。

向苦學習滅苦之道

同樣,當有煩惱或情緒生起(苦),無需逃避或擔憂,也無需給它一個減號,但需找出它們生起的因由。而其因由是對某人、事情或自己有所預期,當該人、事或自己的行為或發展跟這預期不一樣的時候,便生起煩惱或情緒。所以,煩惱或情緒是源於這預期(苦因),而不是源於外界。有了這明白,便不會求外界的人和事去改變來遷就自己,而是學習不去預期世事的發展或為這些人和事製造故事,只如實地根據經驗去處理和回應它們,不執韟迂拲o失,卻欣賞到箇中的努力(滅苦)。有很多時會知道但做不到,那是因為禪修是一個心的訓練歷程,是需要耐性地付出時間與努力,培育上述的心的質素,過濾心的雜質。這培訓不可能是一朝一夕,需經歷長時期和無數次的學習、實踐、訓練與考驗(滅苦的道路)。

至於生活層面的例子有無數,就以上期的文章為例,曾提及在放工返家的途中,很多時會突然記起工作時好像是做錯了某些事情,心馬上會不安和擔憂,這便是所謂的工作壓力(苦的聖諦)。當提醒自己,無需驚訝或逃避這不安或擔憂,面對它們,向它們學習,便不難明白到原來它們並不是源於外界,不是源於工作所遇到的人或事,而是源於預期自己不應該犯任何錯誤,和為事物的發展虛構了很多負面的故事,然後去擔憂自己不符合這預期和擔憂事物的發展會真的像這些負面的故事那麼樣發生(集的聖諦)。明白了真正的因由之後,便不去預期自己完全不會犯錯,也不要求外界的人和事來遷就自己,而是清楚知道任何預期和故事都是無實質的、虛構的、無力量的、無他的。然後便是運用過往的工作經驗和知識看清楚究竟是否真的做錯了。若沒有做錯的話,便沒有事情要處理。若真的做錯了,便需思考如何可以補救,在好幾個不妥當的補救方案中,選擇較為妥當的方案,然後耐性地部署或等候時機,正面地回應和處理這件事,無論最後的結局如何,都勇敢地承擔自己所作的抉擇的後果(滅的聖諦),在這訓練的過程中,起初是十次中只有二、三次做得到。但經過一段長時期的訓練和多次向不安和擔憂學習,漸漸便會十次中有五、六次做得到。再過一段時期,做得到的次數會更多。但需明白到重點並不是做得到的次數多少,這是次要的,只是修行的副產品而已。重點是在培訓的過程中、心的質素會隨顝狴I出的時間和努力漸漸提升,心的雜質也會漸漸減薄,戒、定、慧漸漸穩固(道的聖諦)。

祝願各位在日常生活中禪修時,有興趣地認識哪時候是苦的聖諦,哪時候是集的聖諦,哪時候是滅的聖諦,哪時候是道的聖諦,向任何處境學習與認識佛法在世間的運作。
Subject: 很「禪」的留言板


Author:
cherry
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Date Posted: 16:28:23 06/10/01 Sun

留言板真有意思,久不久便有留言無故失蹤﹗大概有時候就這樣錯過了,而且就像其他事情一樣,錯過了便錯過了。
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Subject: 好久沒見


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 02:20:47 06/10/01 Sun

噢!怎地大家今天都湊巧地上來了﹖真的好久沒有見面了,不知大家近況如何﹖我仍在潛水階段,需要多多反省和好好學習,希望儘早重出江湖。放心,我好快會回來;現在,你們請得閑找我聊天,或多些上來留言,再切磋切磋!
Subject: 給每一位疼惜我的朋友(之二)


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 03:22:13 05/05/01 Sat

今天(5月4日)下午,我接到中文大學的電話,說她們已經取錄了我,唸性別研究哲學碩士,主題為女性佛學。

當時的感覺有點奇怪,說實的,我並沒有欣喜,幸好也沒有厭惡;很無可無不可之下接受了。報訊的朋友說,我的受到取錄,完全是神的工作,那即是說,是神蹟。

我想,我一直沒有被取錄,心情是很惡劣的,因此,我就決定:我一定不會被取錄了。這麼想的確令我較為安心,誰知,我又突然奇蹟地被取錄了,心理狀一下子有點適應不過來。

為甚麼我曾經那麼緊張、繫在心上的事情,會變得如此“即非可意亦非不可意”﹖我幾時學懂了平常心啦﹖我再一次反省我為甚麼要報讀這個課程,回望,便發現自己其實是多麼的無知和驕傲。很大程度上,我是因為剛離開了工作崗位不久,不知該幹甚麼,又覺得自己在婦女工作上頗有經驗,休息一下,順便研究些自己喜歡的科目,更可以拿個學位,而且有獎學金,實在是尚佳安排。

我的確得到很多朋友的傾力幫忙,但很快,我的惡運接踵而來,一些無聊小事把我整個申請扣起來。那令我非常困擾,亦終於明白世事沒有必然,無論多麼努力,無論鋪排多麼完美,只要有個小環節出問題,就會一子錯、滿盤皆落索。你可能不能置信,但我卻為此在佛前禮拜了七天,最後兩天還是流著眼淚作的。但我已別無他法了。有人說:人的盡頭,是神的開始。作為一個佛法行者,我相信人本身的力量,但那一刻,我已經軟弱到連站起來的氣力也沒有;我正開始經歷我生命其中一段最艱難的日子,一段現在回望怎也不能相信是能夠捱得過去的日子。當時,一塊小不子也可以把我打死,因此,我唯一可作的,只有求。

然而,在求的過程中,我反問自己:我為甚麼要求﹖我是為了甚麼而求﹖為了一己的尊嚴(在此以前,我從沒想過中大會不取錄我)和兩年的獎學金,還是為了眾生的利益﹖我突然明白我的求,其實是出於自私的考慮,我唯有再三發願:他日我得到取錄機會,定當要為眾生的福祉而努力;雖然,那一刻,我並不相信自己的諾言。

然後,日子顛三倒四地一天一天過去了,每日,我在一連串的惡夢中醒來,卻又投入另一個惡夢裡;為執著一些已經改變的東西,我說了不知多少傷害性的說話、做過不知多少愚蠢的事情。我每天受著自己的貪、嗔、癡、慢、疑的煎熬,中大是否取錄我,已經變得一點也不重要了。

所以,你說,我怎會為著今天的電話而欣喜雀躍﹖(雖然,其實我是有預感這件事將會在我皈依之後發生的,約伯的故事給了我很大鼓勵)後來,我想到一位熱心替我奔走的朋友跟我說的一句話,她說:“你應該爭取這個機會,因為我們需要這方面的研究,這(對於宏揚佛法)是重要的事。”於是我就想:也許,這樣的安排並不是偶然,那可能是我此生的一些使命。

下班後,我到佛堂感恩,感謝諸佛菩薩給我這個機會(嚴格來說,也是基於我的業力而成就的事)——不是為了自己終於可以吐氣揚眉,而是能為眾生做一點貢獻。我在佛前點了兩盞燈,發願:今天我接受取錄,和他日我在這個課程中的一切所作,都只能以慈悲和眾生的福祉作為出發點。那一刻,我清楚知道,我的心是完全清淨而誠懇的。

我在這裡分享(自瀆)了我申請入研究院的故事,其實是希望你們也來見證我的經歷和監誓我今天所發的願,有點像一個人和自己的婚禮!

願眾生安好,早日證悟出離。
Replies:
Subject: meditation


Author:
tortured mind
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Date Posted: 17:01:24 06/04/01 Mon

dear 甘甘度母,

any new interesting things learnt recently ah? long time no hear wor.

i have been a tortured mind for some time and lately i was tortured physically too. i want to try meditation for long time, anyone here has such experience and can share a bit?

i want to tidy up and clear my mind to the rite direction and regain my peace.

and gum, can we have group meditation? sounds like a not bad idea, it can be one of our programs if we go hiking...
Replies:
Subject: 你好嗎?


Author:
cherry
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Date Posted: 10:17:33 06/09/01 Sat

甘甘,

很久沒有你消息了,你近況如何?你的「作業」做得怎樣?昨天師傳打電話來,我想起原來大家都有好一段時間沒有消息了。希望大家都「別來無恙」吧﹗
Subject: miss the point


Author:
gumgum
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Date Posted: 17:39:40 05/20/01 Sun

dear liz,

i'm afraid you have just missed my point. i am sorry that i was too tired that day and posted a not very responsible message, but there is nothing to do in my message about hating the rich. we are fighting the injustice system that allows a handful of people to split the world's wealth, whoever they are, that has absoluting nothing to do with chairman mao and his so-called struggling against the so-called rich in the cultural revolution. i feel sorry for what your family has experienced in that period of time, but you got the wrong target, those people who were demonstrating in the street are not the red guard although the SAR govt tried to label them as. i agree with you they may not have a good stragegy, but they have at least a good heart, and power struggle is the least thing they intend. i hope you can know them better before you ever judge them again
Replies:
Subject: b-zine massage board is back


Author:
liz
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Date Posted: 23:54:16 05/13/01 Sun

dear all,

b-zine is now relaunching it's message board. it's re-named as b-zine hot gal's cafe. please visit http://www.voy.com/29855/
Subject: 為如煙花的財富乾杯


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 00:51:10 05/09/01 Wed

今天小妹有所(不)幸,為幾個“大人物”採訪拍照(對,我現在當了攝影師,雖然其實我並不懂攝影),因為今天是財富全球論壇的開幕禮,我甚至被派去拍江澤民的演講。

那些主宰著億萬人生命的大人物的演講對於一個小市民而言當然是謊話一堆,乏善可陳,但令人感到憤怒的是,原來這個論壇只是一個私人派對,卻動用了我們五千名警員,和極度嚴密的保安,以保證那些以我們的血汗來供養的有錢人不會看到我們、聽見我們。這些人(渣)來我們的地方開派對,卻以我們為奴婢,處處要為他/她們犧牲、讓路。

從前,我總是在街頭,在會場以外,今天得親身體會會場內記者也怎被人以“貧富懸殊”的方式對待,就覺得格外辛酸;譬方說,這個論壇保安極度嚴密,平時開會記者只能在新聞室看電視,只有重點演說晚宴才可在一百米以外見到真人。今晚開幕,記者們扛著千斤器材,上山下海,過五關斬六將(security check points),然後,進場後還要經過一條鋪了膠布,非常危險的紅地毯,為要讓嘉賓們有一條免被我們這些髒腳踩過的新通道,然後,相當寸的保安(便衣警察),就大叫誰要去廁所,原來,記者不能隨便上廁所,更不能與賓客共用廁所,要像監犯“放風”一樣排隊,由保安帶領長途跋涉出去使用公共廁所,然後點齊人數才可回去。到賓客要用膳,我們當然立刻被呼喝著離去。

晚上,這些剝削我們的卻又掌握著我們命脈的大人物要看煙花,我們的法律便可以放煙花,那種粉飾的太平真的有如替死人化妝。其實,浮華富貴也如煙化一樣,轉瞬即逝,我們的病態社會卻把人的價值都放在煙花上面,盲吹捧那些踐踏我們的人,還把這些病態的賺錢方式視為標準,把那些病態的人奉為上帝,與此同時,對這些病態的富貴帶來的大眾的苦況卻視而不見,更視受害者為瘟疫般拒而遠之!

算了,我今天太累了,有點語無倫次。

甘甘
Replies:
Subject: 給每一位疼惜我的朋友(之三)


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 01:14:29 05/08/01 Tue

由於漏了幾件重要的經歷跟各位分享,不得已要上演第三集,如果你已經對我感到煩悶,也請你繼續讀下去,因為以下兩件事是比較有趣的:

上星期我跟朋友去了唱K,一大群人聚在一起,必須要尋歡作樂,即使是極盡無聊的事,也要加倍high,高呼狂笑至失控。本來,對一個普通人來說,那也是很鬆馳神經的事,但對一個處於失戀狀態的人而言,原來是非常有損健康的。我離開那間極盡豪華的卡拉OK,走在路上,百般滋味在心頭:原來已非常複雜的心情,再與一大堆似是而非卻有時又言之有物的情歌攪拌成一團,真是寒天飲冷水,點滴在心頭。唱了讓自己發洩怨恨不滿的歌,快感半刻,那又怎樣﹖在那空虛的時候,我突然回想起當我非常痛苦時,佛法所能給我的安靜和清涼,與此間在混亂的愛慾情緒中煎熬的境況,兩種感覺相差實在太遠了!

各位,別誤會我是在宣傳信仰,更不是要“弘法”;我只想說,當你痛苦的時候,回到你的心裡去尋找令你痛苦的原因,比到外面找尋刺激和發洩有效得多哩!


第二件事是在第二集時我跟大家提過在接獲中大通知之後我到佛前感恩的事,其實重點我忘了說。正當我準備離去之時,我回頭望望佛像,竟突然發現釋迦牟尼佛像在那一刻向我示現了無比的慈悲——我當然“知道”人鑄造佛像,目的都是讓人見到而生起慈悲心和善念,但“知道”是沒用的,我從來沒有“感覺”到佛的慈悲。終於我明白了,我之所以能夠感受到佛的慈悲,其實只因我在不到三分鐘前,生起了慈悲的心(雖然都是維持了幾分鐘),因此,我就能從一件“死物”當中,感受到偉大的情操,佛像只是反映了我那一剎間的內心而已。這個故事說了些甚麼﹖就是整個世界,無論悲喜苦樂,都是我們的心之所為,當我們生起善心,生命就會示現美好;當我們生起惡念或不善念,生命就只見痛苦。

當然,我心中仍充塞著貪、嗔、癡等情緒和思想,要能經常感到我佛慈悲,看來還有一段日子呢!

願各位好好珍惜這一生,不管你以哪一種方式,都要好好生活,不要糟蹋生命。

甘甘
Subject: 給每一位疼惜我的朋友


Author:
甘甘
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Date Posted: 01:54:28 05/01/01 Tue

今天,2001年4月30日,對我而言是一個重要的日子,今天,我皈依了上師及佛、法、僧三寶,正式成為一位佛法修行人。在經歷了兩個多月接二連三被擊倒在地的挫敗、傷痛、絕望,和彷彿沒完沒了的哭泣之後,我竟然還能靠著智慧和心靈力量重新站起來,堅強地面對逆境,這一天就顯得特別有意義。這同時也顯示了,只要人肯努力,佛菩薩的加持力量是不可思議的。

過去短短兩個月間,我的生命經歷了重大變幻;事業失意的同時,家人、愛人相繼捨我而去,我彷彿在一夜之間失去了一切所有。我經歷了如同死亡的痛苦;然後,我終於明白,我根本從沒擁有過那些我以為自己曾經擁有的人和事物;我深深體會到人世間的痛苦,亦為我過去所作的一切惡業與不善業悔恨不已。然而,我還是慶幸這份艱深的功課,得在我皈依的前夕完成;從今以後,我的生命是一個新開始。

而你們——一群愛護和疼惜我的朋友,一直守候在我身旁,毫無怨言地助我承擔悲痛,義無反顧地給我支持和鼓勵;我唯有在此送上無言的感謝;你們是我的世間菩薩,我祝願你們都能找到生命中真正重要的東西,也願你們都得著心靈的平安。

順帶一提,我一年前與佛結緣,去年九月才開始學習佛法,還不到十一月就已生起皈依的念頭,因此,皈依與我的「死亡經歷」並沒有太大關係,相反,在痛苦當中,我曾想過捨棄我的信仰,在歇斯底里的哀傷中盡情沉淪;尤幸我的好友們竭力勸勉襄助,才使我的心返回正軌。

今夜,我喝醉了,我已經有好長的日子沒有喝醉了,真的有點諷刺,我居然在皈依日喝醉了!但人生就是這樣荒謬,我清楚明白,此間我的心仍未完全清淨,還有憤恨、還有貪癡,無明之火依然熾盛;唯望在以後的日子裡,能與大家切磋砥礪,共邁圓滿之路。以友人之勸勉為本文結束:

精進為出離
善行利眾生


嗡瑪呢啤咩吽!
Replies:
Subject: Hey all


Author:
storm
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Date Posted: 19:09:02 04/30/01 Mon

Dont know if anyone can read this as everyone is writing in a strange other language! Erm, all i came here to say is that ive got a new board going called the "crystal lake enchanted forest" at www.voy.com/26800

its got many different creatures from vampires and witched to chaos angels and winged panthers. I hope you can visit sometime, as the topics are just general discussion - whatever takes our fancy! Please take a visit as im sure you will be suprised.

thanx a lot
Storm
Subject: 為什麼


Author:
almond
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Date Posted: 15:39:16 04/29/01 Sun

學佛是為自己的解脫,最後原來是為眾生的。
Subject: testing


Author:
drolma
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Date Posted: 10:31:22 03/31/01 Sat

Subject: 驚喜


Author:
cherry
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Date Posted: 00:34:57 03/09/01 Fri

你們homepage的中英文對照好得意,好有心思啊﹗這個message board的設計又幾好o番﹗你們想必花了很多心血吧?加油啊﹗
Replies:
Subject: RE: To Author


Author:
Endlessknot
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Date Posted: 19:30:34 03/08/01 Thu

Nice to see your new message board!
Replies:
Subject: nice board


Author:
liz
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Date Posted: 18:01:07 03/08/01 Thu

this board is better... hope we can keep this longer. i think i will use this site to build up a new board ofr b-zine too!

wish customers come here like cloud! 客似雲來!
Replies:
Subject: welcome once again


Author:
drolma
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Date Posted: 15:31:38 03/08/01 Thu

dear all,

welcome to more-bodhi.
new meeting place again. since the last message board could not should message content and not even replies' headings, it is far from satisfaction.
so i hope this message board, like the old one, will suits you better.
i will transport all the messages from the last board andrepost them here.

enjoy.

all auspicious!


drolma
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