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Date Posted: 11:08:32 08/26/05 Fri
Author: Jackie
Subject:
And the tears come streaking down your face
When you lost something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?


Currently, the petite blonde was laying on her bed, staring out her window. She had been doing that since the evening before, well, it alternated between crying and laying on the bed staring blankly at the ceiling or out the window. The day before she'd had a meeting with the adoption agency. It had started out ok, with a check up which was a little awkward but she had made it through but then had come the therapy session. She had to attend so many therapy meetings to make sure that she had made the decision to give up the baby on her own and hadn't been talked into it by anyone. They wanted to avoid the situation of the birth mother trying to reclaim the infant after it was born. The therapist had been nice enough but when she had brought up the subject of the baby's father it had brought up lots of memories that she didn't want to face. She had thought she was doing ok but suddenly she was thinking that she was ignoring who she was - a child whore who had been used up and tossed aside. Since she had been with Rio she had been feeling more like a normal person and not who she had always been but now it seemed to her that she was just pretending to be normal - letting Rio shoulder all her problems. He didn't deserve that, didn't deserve to have to deal with all her issues. He deserved a girl who was whole and emotionally and mentally stable. She just didn't deserve him period. She was just pulling him down into her depression. It didn't help that she had felt the child move for the past time the night before, making the whole situation even more real. She had come in after therapy without really talking to anyone, just went to Lacey and asked her to handle meals for the next day and that night and then went up to her room to be by herself. Shifting, she turned over on her side to help relieve the aching in her back, her stomach swollen and looking so out of place on her tiny frame.

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