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Date Posted: 08:14:19 09/23/13 Mon
Author: Teacup
Subject: That's Not an Answer - HBX August 2013 Challenge

That's Not an Answer
by Teacup

A/N: My response to the August 2013 HBX challenge. I decided to sort of combine the two themes -- Aviation Day and 'Just Because' Day.

- - -
That's Not an Answer

“Hey, you got a minute?”

Mac looked up to see the tall figure in her office doorway. “Sure, Harm. What’s up?”

He took a step inside. “The weather’s supposed to be great this weekend, so I thought I’d take ‘Sarah’ up tomorrow. You wanna come?”

She raised an eyebrow in response. “Thanks, but I don’t think so.”

“Oh, come on. You haven’t been flying with me in forever.”

“Because every time I get in a plane that you are piloting, it ends badly. … Crashes, ejections, throwing up, getting shot … not just getting shot at, mind you, but actually getting shot, … and, oh, yeah, let’s not forget being assaulted and having to kill the guy.”

“Those were all rare circumstances.”

“And, yet, those rare circumstances always seem to occur when I fly with you.”

“You can’t count Russia and Paraguay,” he argued. “Those flights were under extreme circumstances with us as targets to begin with; they were never pleasure rides.”

“And the Appalachians?”

Harm did look contrite. “I’ll triple check the fuel line and everything else before we go up. I promise.”

After a brief pause, she confirmed her answer, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Oh, come on, Mac. I get that Tomcats make you sick, but you really enjoyed flying in ‘Sarah’ before … well, you know.”

“Before our emergency landing and the bullet I took in the leg?” she filled in. “Yeah.”

“Mac, be reasonable. That’s not going to happen again.”

She shook her head. “Just ask someone else to go with you, Harm.”

“I don’t want to ask anyone else. I want you to come. Please.”

He looked far more desperate than she would have expected. “Why?” she questioned.

“Because …” he answered without elaborating.

With nothing further from Harm, Mac prompted, “Because …?”

“… Just because,” he said. How could he possibly put into words how much he just wanted to spend time with her?

“That’s not an answer, Harm.” She turned back to her work on the computer.

He took a deep breath. “I would like us to do something together. … Like we used to.”

Mac took a second, still staring at her monitor, and then blurted out, “I don’t want things to be like they used to be.”

She wasn’t sure why she had said that out loud; it had just sort of spilled out.

Whether it was the message itself or her conviction behind the words, her saying them caused Harm’s stomach to drop.

Nonetheless, he tried to salvage the situation. “If it’s just the flying thing … we could … I don’t know, run together again. We used to do that.” He half smiled as he added, “I’ll try to avoid getting hit by any cars.”

But Mac’s last statement hadn’t been about flying as much as about the status of their relationship. “We need to move forward, Harm. Not go back.”

“Oh. Okay.” He was heartbroken at the implications that even their friendship was not something that Mac was interested in any longer. “I’m sorry.” He could do nothing more but make a hasty exit.

Mac realized too late how Harm had interpreted her statements to mean that she was writing him off entirely.

She was about to go after him when her phone rang. It was a client with a call that she had to take.

--

Two hours later, Mac found Harm in his office standing at the filing cabinet looking for the appropriate spot to replace a folder. He appeared absorbed in his task, so much so that perhaps he wasn’t actually focused on any of the folders at all. She could see the sadness in his posture. Was that because of her comments earlier?

Something in her snapped. She entered without knocking, closed the door, and quickly shut his blinds.

Harm was taken by surprise. “Mac, what are you …”

Before he could finish the question, she grabbed his head, pulled him down, and kissed him soundly on the lips for a good few seconds before releasing him.

“What was that for?” Harm asked when he finally recovered his voice.

Mac shrugged. “… Just because,” she stated before opening the door and walking out.

To say Harm was stunned was an understatement. He literally did not move for the next minute.

When he finally recuperated and tried to find her to demand an explanation, she was gone. She had left for a deposition and would not be back at the office for the rest of day.

--

Not sure exactly how to handle the situation, but knowing that they couldn’t ignore what had happened, Harm went to Mac’s apartment that evening and knocked.

She opened the door but said nothing, her face a mask of neutrality.

“May I come in?” he asked.

She opened it wider, allowing him to step inside.

After nothing was said, Mac asked, “So?”

Harm’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re expecting me to talk?”

“You came here,” she pointed out. “Did you have a reason?”

“You know the reason.”

“Not exactly, no.”

“‘Just because’ isn’t an answer, Mac. You said so, yourself – right before you said you didn’t want to even be friends with me anymore. So, why is it that mere hours later, you’re kissing me at the office and don’t even have a reason for it?”

“I had a reason.”

“And that would be?”

His stare was making her self-conscious. Maybe he really did only want to be her friend and nothing more. She desperately wanted to quash the feelings of vulnerability stirring up inside her.

“Harm, … I just felt like it, okay?”

“No, that’s not okay. You wouldn’t expect me to just barge into your office and kiss the living daylights out of you.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” Not that it hadn’t been a fantasy of hers on occasion.

“Right,” Harm agreed. “I mean, that’s grounds for sexual harassment.”

That hadn’t even occurred to Mac. Of course, she wouldn’t have even considered such actions with anyone else. Not at this stage in her life anyhow. But this was Harm. This was not just some coworker to her, but the man she loved and who, even he had to admit, shared a connection with her. But, objectively, that didn’t matter.

She suddenly became very warm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think … I mean … you’d be well within your rights to report me.”

“What? … I’m not going to report you,” he dismissed the notion as ridiculous. “I just want to know … what it meant.”

Mac, still stunned at the realization that her earlier actions could not only hamper her relationship with Harm but land her in professional trouble, didn’t respond.

So Harm prodded, “How is it you go from telling me you don’t want to be friends with me anymore to you barging in and planting a big one on me?”

“I never said I didn’t want to be your friend, Harm.”

He scoffed. “Clearly, you and I have different definitions of ‘never.’”

“No, we have different interpretations of our past and our future in terms of what we want.”

“Meaning what?” he asked.

“Meaning that I want to be done with all of these games, and uncertainties, and miscommunications when it comes to you and me. And this afternoon, for a brief moment in time, I was convinced that it would take something other than words for you to understand me.”

“You thought I’d understand you kissing me?”

“Yes. It was stupid and unprofessional, and I’m sorry.”

Harm did not immediately respond, but when he did, it was with a soft voice. “I’m not.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Mac confirmed. “You didn’t break regulations and make a fool of yourself. And you’re right, no marine or sailor should walk into another’s office and do something like that without expecting to be slapped with charges.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I’d be more concerned with being slapped, period, if I did something like that.” The way he made the comment did allow them to share a slightly amused look.

Harm seriously continued, “But, I wasn’t referring to not being sorry for my actions. I’m not sorry that you came into my office, and I’m sure as hell not sorry that you kissed me. … I just wish I knew what it meant. …”

He was silent for a moment before plunging ahead, “… And I wish you would kiss me just like that again sometime so that I could participate better … and maybe convince you that it’s something we should do more often. At least, outside the office.”

Mac breathed with relief. This sounded very promising.

“You could always try initiating a kiss,” she suggested.

“So, if I were to kiss you now … you wouldn’t slap me?”

She shook her head, mesmerized by Harm, her eyes drawn to his lips as he stepped closer.

He kissed her, and she gladly responded.

When their mouths broke apart, Mac rested the side of her head on Harm’s chest, feeling his accelerated heartbeat as they remained in each other’s embraces.

“I never wanted to throw our friendship away,” Mac finally said. “… I just hoped we could build on it.”

Harm pulled back slightly and used a finger on her chin to request that she look up at him. “Me too.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded and smiled. “I think we’re getting better at this communication thing.”

“Yeah.” Mac smiled. “So, what time are you going to pick me up?”

“Huh?”

“You still want to take ‘Sarah’ up tomorrow?” she asked.

“… Uh, yeah. You’d be willing to fly with me?”

Mac took a deep breath. “I’m apprehensive about it, but yeah, I guess I’ll give it another try.”

Harm grinned. “Then I’d love to take my two Sarah’s up tomorrow.”

“Yours, huh?”

His face became more serious as he nodded. “If you’ll have me.”

She recognized his transfer to ‘mutual ownership’ as she searched his eyes and found hope mixed with uncertainty.

“I’ll have you,” she confirmed.

Harm breathed easier, even as Mac followed up with a warning, “But if we so much as hit some bad turbulence tomorrow, it will be the last time that I ever …”

He cut her off with a quick kiss before assuring her, “So long as we can do other things together, I’m fine with whatever you want.”

It was so unlike him to concede, that Mac couldn’t help but ask, “Why is that?”

“Just because,” he answered with a smile.

She didn’t have to tell him that ‘just because’ wasn’t an answer this time. She knew that the full answer was, ‘just because I want to be with you.’

Harm had a question for her though. “Why did you change your mind about flying with me? Is that ‘just because,’ too?”

Mac smiled. “No, it’s because you’ll personally owe me. And I like the idea of you being in my debt.”

“And what is it you’ll want as repayment?”

“I’ll let you know when I’m ready to collect.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mm-hmm,” she confirmed. “But, I’m accepting down payments now.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“How about dinner?”

“Going out or making something?”

She thought about it. “I don’t have much here for things you might want to cook, so we’d better go out.”

“I can do that. … On two conditions.”

“And those are?”

“One: since I’m going to be paying anyhow, we consider this a date.”

“I’m not dressed for a date,” Mac said even as she was thinking about what was in her closet that she could change into.

“Not a dress-up date, Mac. Not today, anyhow.”

“Okay. And two?”

“Promise me that at work you’ll keep your uncontrollable urges to have your way with me in check.”

“Uncontrollable urges?” Mac repeated with disbelief.

Harm smiled to let her know that he was kidding.

She sassed, “You keep that attitude up and you won’t have to worry about me ever wanting to have my way with you.”

Harm responded by swooping in for another kiss.

“You can’t keep trying to distract me by doing that,” she half-heartedly objected.

“By doing what? This?” He kissed her again.

Taking in her glowing appearance afterwards, he whispered, “God, you’re beautiful.”

She was a bit stunned. “This is going to take some getting used to.”

“Me kissing you?”

“You complimenting me.”

“I’ve complimented you before,” he insisted. “… I’ve always known that you’re beautiful. And smart.”

At that moment her stomach growled, causing her a moment of embarrassment.

“And hungry,” he laughed. “You definitely have a jarhead appetite, but I try not to hold that against you.”

She thwacked him lightly on the arm. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Her smile suddenly faded as she realized what she had just admitted. It was too much too soon, she worried. As if her stomach growling hadn’t been enough to ruin the moment, her confession had surely made things worse. Even if it didn’t send Harm running, there was now an imbalance between them with her admission making her emotionally susceptible.

“You don’t need to say anything,” she assured him after what she thought was quite an awkward moment of silence. She started to pull away, but Harm took hold of her arm.

“Hey,” he said, requesting her to look at him. He cupped her face with one hand. After staring at her for a few seconds, he couldn’t help repeating, “You really are beautiful.” He realized though that he needed to address what she had said. “And I am lucky,” he added.

She gave him a small smile, but there was some disappointment in her eyes. ‘What did I expect?’ she wondered. It was no surprise that he was tactfully avoiding his actual feelings for her. She started to pull away again, and this time he let her go. But his voice stopped her.

“And, Mac, … I love you, too. You know that, right?”

She could see his sincerity. This time she smiled for real.

As she had done earlier that day, she walked to him, put her hands on his head, and pulled him down for a kiss. This time, things were more passionate than any kiss they had shared yet.

When they finally pulled apart, between heavy breaths, Harm asked, “Did my wish come true?”

“What wish?” Mac questioned.

“You kissed me again … like before. But I got to participate better this time. … Did it convince you that you should kiss me more often?”

Mac laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, it did.”

- -

Monday morning, when Mac arrived at work she found a small gift box on her desk. There was no note, but she had a good suspicion as to who it was from. After setting her briefcase down and turning her computer on to boot up, she made quick work of the ribbon and removed the box lid. She smiled at the contents before a knock at her door made her look up.

“Excuse me, ma’am, a fax came in for you this morning.” Petty Officer Coates stepped in to hand Mac the papers.

“Thank you, Petty Officer,” Mac responded as she took the fax.

“It’s not your birthday, is it, ma’am?” Jen asked upon seeing the gift box.

Mac quickly replaced the lid on the gift, but realized that she couldn’t very well deny that she had received a present. If she didn’t say anything or didn't identify the giver, then inventive scuttlebutt was sure to follow. It was best to just state the truth – or at least part of it.

“No, it’s not my birthday,” Mac answered. “This is just Commander Rabb’s attempt to get himself into my good graces.”

“That is not true,” Harm interrupted. He had been rather purposefully ‘walking by’ and overheard the last comments.

“Oh? Well, then what, per se, is the occasion for the gift?” Mac asked, leaning back in her chair.

“There doesn’t need to be an occasion to give your best friend a small gift,” Harm stated.

“There you go, Petty Officer,” Mac said, “it’s a ‘just because’ gift.”

Jennifer looked between the two. “Permission to speak freely?”

Harm and Mac eyed each other warily. Sitting up in her chair, Mac finally responded. “Granted.”

“It’s just … if you’re going to start giving each other presents at the office, you may want to be prepared to with some better explanations. ‘Just because’ isn’t really an answer … especially when the gift involves something heart-shaped.”

Harm stood up straight, “The heart, Petty Officer, is attached to wings. The Colonel agreed to go up in my Steerman with me over the weekend, and I believe that I … rekindled her love of flying. It’s merely a token of that.”

“He’s right,” Mac agreed after a moment. “He convinced me to go up in his biplane, and, since nothing tragic happened for once, I did really enjoy myself.”

Jen looked slightly ashamed, even though she wasn’t convinced that the given reason was the extent of the present’s significance. “I’m sorry, ma’am, sir. I didn’t mean to overstep. But, that is a better answer than ‘just because.’ … Just in case anyone else asks.”

“That’s alright, Jen,” Mac assured her. “… And your advice is duly noted. … Dismissed.”

Harm closed the door after the petty officer left. “So, you got your gift.”

“I did. Thank you.”

He had been expecting more of a response. “It’s a heart with wings,” he stated the obvious.

“I noticed.”

“What I said to Coates, … that was only part of its meaning.”

“What was the other part?”

“Well, you know, … my umm, well … I love to fly, so it’s kind of like my heart.”

“You’re giving me your heart?”

“Yeah, I guess. It sounds kind of stupid now.”

“No, it’s very sweet,” Mac assured him. “And I appreciate it. Thank you again.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, although he was still not satisfied with her response. He made no effort to leave.

“Was there something else you wanted?” she inquired.

“… No.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Oh, I just …” he didn’t want to admit why he was still there. Maybe some additional information about the present would help. “I found that this morning,” he pointed out. “I woke up ridiculously early and went to this shop I found once …”

Mac smiled knowingly. “You’re expecting a ‘thank you’ kiss, aren’t you?”

“Well, I kind of thought you might?”

“Not going to happen, Commander. We agreed to keep things professional at the office, remember? And after my breech in protocol last week and your subsequent egotistical assumption that I can’t control my urges around you at the office, I’m not initiating anything here.”

“Right.” He looked dejected.

She decided to switch gears. “Before you go, let me give you a draft of the Benson pretrial motion.” She stood up to hand him a folder of papers. “It’s on top.”

While Harm was perusing the contents, Mac leaned against her desk, half sitting on it. “You know,” she offered, “I wouldn’t slap you.”

Harm quickly looked up from the paperwork. He remembered their conversation from the other night. “I could always try initiating a kiss, huh?”

Mac shrugged.

He stepped close. “Permission to kiss the Lieutenant Colonel?”

“A quick one,” she stipulated. “… Granted.”

He wasted no time in kissing her.

When Mac pulled away, she looked him in the eyes. “Thank you for the gift. Now get out of here,” she told him, wiping a trace of lipstick away from where it had transferred to him. “Some of us have work to do.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He left with a big smile.

Mac fingered her present, remembering the weekend. Her love of flying hadn’t been rekindled nearly as much as her love for the man who had just ‘given her his heart.’ That flame had never really gone out, no matter what they had been through or who else had been in the way. It always came back to the two of them.

She didn’t know why they had such a bond, but not everything needed a reasonable answer to be true. There are some truths that are - just because they are … and always will be.

The end.

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Replies:

[> Love it Teacup! I've missed your writing. -- Cristina, 10:11:35 09/23/13 Mon [1]


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[> Beautiful loved it thanks for sharing -- Beth, 12:56:06 09/23/13 Mon [1]


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[> loved it Teacup -- Bev uk, 13:22:32 09/23/13 Mon [1]


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[> Welcome back to fandom Teacup, have missed yur writings--lovely story, maybe you have more for us soon? -- JoyZ, 15:50:37 09/23/13 Mon [1]


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[> A very sweet story and Teacup so happy to see you back on THBX. You are such a talented writer. -- Can Sheshe, 19:45:29 09/23/13 Mon [1]


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[> For eternity too and all the other stereotypical comments possible. I like how you seamlessly wove in some of the show's great lines. -- jan, 20:02:40 09/23/13 Mon [1]


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[> I think the show would have been far more interesting with these sort of antics in the offices rather than plain old boring work! -- Nettie, 18:22:53 09/24/13 Tue [1]


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[> Loved it -- Alexa, 20:59:04 09/24/13 Tue [1]

<3


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[> Very nice, thank you! -- Ciara, 09:05:00 09/25/13 Wed [1]


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