Re: love gone wrong -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 01:21:09 03/01/06 Wed
Author: chrys
Subject: Re: love gone wrong
In reply to: chrys 's message, "love gone wrong" on 20:33:01 02/28/06 Tue

23 - i should give you a cookie for even reading that whole thing : )

and yeah, i know it's not light and fun anymore, i knew it the day that he cried. i think it was true even before that, but it was like i FELT everything change in the room in that moment, and it's like even before that i knew i had more feelings/attachment than just "oh this is fun" but that night i really felt it, i knew i would use the word "love." lol i don't know what my problem is it's like part of me is disgusted w/myself for getting that way, but who can ever help these things???

i also assumed all through the beginning that it was just fun and flirty for him too. i guess cuz i didn't know him well and that stupid tina told me (the same night she found out i slept in his room and got all jealous) that he always had girls over. i had barely lived here more than a week so what did i know? i figured it was easier to assume something like that was true, than to expect anything. i am not sure exactly how important i was or wasn't to him, but i think that assumption was the wrong move too. i was just so afraid of being a stupid girl, you know? all sappy, or some stupid girl who gets all attached after we have sex or something like that. but truth be told i think i was somewhat attached before even that, and i think in his own way he was too.

jesus christ he even told me he loved me once, but he said it semi in jest and in the heat of passion so i totally blew it off like oh he doesn't mean that, and still told myself that this was allllll fun and friendly and nothing more. and any time i think of talking to him i always want to say things like, and if you don't have feeligns for me or you're not attracted to me, just tell me now. and when i realized i loved him, omg how i freaked, and he was here. i never said anything but i was just so sure that if he knew he'd be outta here.

if there is one thing i've learned from this, it's that you can't save yourself from hurt, unless you are a hermit and i've been there and i know that hurts too in its own way. i am embarrassed about the fact that i get attached so easily, but i guess if that's the way it is, then that's the way it is. think i went a little extreme in the other direction w/this guy, and i totally have regrets already. it will make me VERY sad if t his whole thing is totally over and like, i never gave him a chance to know me, w/someone who i think would have wanted to know.

twan thank you for this part:
You know that part of you that's ready to just throw in the towel? The part that feels a little relief thinking about blowing it all off and moving on? That's cowardice. That's the relief that comes from walking away from something difficult. That relief will be short-lived and will quickly be replaced by regret."

that crystallized things for me in a way that i couldn't see on my own. especially when you talked about "that part that feels a little relief..." it's like, you have it so pegged, lol.

so what do i do? the guy isn't calling me back. maybe isn't getting my msgs. the one night he did call, i had left on the msg to the other guy "make sure AJ gets this..." so i don't know if the drunk dude doesn't pass on the other msgs or what. i have thought about writing a letter, but i have hesitation about that, b/c i tend to go on and on (bet you all could never guess) and i tend not to get good responses, historically, from guys who i write to, and i'm talking like HS on. then again i can't assume again that just b/c it ended shitty other times that it will this time, or that it even matters. it's just hard to get ahold of this guy. i also don't wnat to like invite him over here and then ambush him with "we need to talk," lol. he prob knows it too just not sure how to address it, w/all the "communication breakdown." i even wrote a sample letter the other day, but i dunno what i'll do with it.

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[> Re: love gone wrong -- lump, 09:52:25 03/01/06 Wed [1]

I remember slapping my b-friend once. We were waiting for a friend at a gas station. Here I am - Princess in the passanger seat - and he stops what he's doing to watch this skank ho walk by. I mean his head moved step by step. And she was my complete opposite. Dark straight hair - hillbilly girl build (no meat or curves or boobs - only Olive Oil knees in Daisy Dukes). I was so insulted that I reached over and smacked him HARD before I even realized I had decided to do it. I remember that draw back - that "Oh my God" amazement. I apologized profusely - as there's never a good reason to hit someone - but inside I still felt he had it coming. I'm lucky he took me home and didn't just leave me there. Anyhow - I know that cat-like feeling.

Do yourself a favor in any relationship. I know you're just starting out in the relationship world. But don't make any bad habits now - like not talking about yourself, only being a listener, and not just spitting it out. I don't know much about relationships (obviously), but I do know where I have gone wrong. But definately do yourself the favor of speaking out. If you feel it - say it. If you wonder, wonder out loud. It's not fair to hold in and in the end...you suffer instead of 'save.'

As woman, and to create that cat-like wonder - we "save" things. "Oh, he doesn't want to hear about my cramps." And he doesn't. But he's also wondering why you're grumpy.
"Oh, I can't cry around him. He'll run screaming." Cry if you want to cry. If he runs screaming, he's not the right one anyhow. "I don't want to seem...." But you are. "I'm bothered by this, but it's not that important and I don't want to seem demanding or bitchy." It is important. Otherwise he doesn't know. I think it's a female tendancy to hold back - maybe because we have to so much as mothers - maybe it's a maternal thing. But don't sabotage yourself by doing that EVER in a relationship.

As for the sex part - I don't get that either. It can't be "bad," so knock that out of your head. It's not you. But if you're feeling inexperienced or like you don't know what you're doing - ask. Mostly they like that. But I don't know why he wouldn't make a move. Maybe he's cheating or maybe he just wants a girl friend, and not a girlfriend? I'd maybe go get tested for VDs if I were you (in case that's the reason). It's hard to tell - and sex is definately one of those things that's tricky to talk about - but do. For yourself if no one else.

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