Re: love gone wrong -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 06:55:10 03/03/06 Fri
Author: lakemnitz
Subject: Re: love gone wrong
In reply to: chrys 's message, "love gone wrong" on 20:33:01 02/28/06 Tue

Can't wait to hear what happens Chrys! I know it will work out for you and lump was right you have a lot to offer, and you are worth taking this risk for yourself.

Now me on the other hand....TG might be right because I have no idea what is keeping him there, they have had some pretty fucked up things happen in their relationship and I have wondered over the years why he stays.....personally I think that he has a serious self esteem issue but the reason I think that is he said to me one night on the phone something about why would I want to be with someone who is balding.....I was like ummmm first of all I really didn't notice that much and second that really doesn't matter that much to me.

For whatever reason she has him hooked in this sickness...and I am not sure what it is but I know I stayed in my marriage for a while and wondering what I was going to do for some time and put myself and my sobriety at some pretty serious risk. I am a little concerned about that for him too. She used to be sober but all of the sudden in the past year has started drinking again and a lot; to the point where she doesn't come home, doesn't call and makes up a lot of excuses. Last summer she spend $15K on god knows what (she gambles too).....he has been sober for a while now but I also know how that goes I have been in the mode of "well if you can't beat'em join 'em." That is how the cocaine abuse started with me....

Speaking of gambling my ex or soon to be called me last night and fessed up to why he has not been paying me.....he lost a shit load of money gambling! He started crying and telling me he didn't know what to do about it and he thinks he has a problem, begged me not to turn my back on him. I was like go to GA, acknowledge your problem, get past the shame because I cannot help you. Man I am so glad that this is not part of my daily life anymore.....he fucking owes everyone money, and I asked him is this the life you want for yourself? He asked me if I regretted leaving and I really didn't think it was totally appropriate for me to drive the nail in deeper and just said I don't think that is a fair question for me to answer...duh! No of course I don't regret it! That coupled with all of the verbal abuse I am relieved to get out....I have gotten my life back on track and have things to look forward to.

Man relationships are hard.....why do we make them so?

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[> Re: love gone wrong -- chrys, 15:39:22 03/03/06 Fri [1]

just got back!

okay well i was still sorta chicken, but at least i went over there. he was sleeping when i got there but the other guys woke him up. he came out and was quiet for a bit but then like, hey let me show you how i rearranged my room, so i went upstairs w/him. we talked for awhile, and i tried to bring up that week that he was here and how things were weird and he was like oh don't worry about it, just blowing it off almost. maybe he doesn't want to talk about that stuff, i don't know. it's like neither of us knows how to talk. so then after awhile we watched a movie and of course had to keep pausing it to talk. awhile after that ended we went downstairs and hung out w/the other guys in the house and some other dudes that had come over....me and six dudes, lol, it was great. my guy was a great host, making sure when we all had food at like midnight that i got some first, and so on. so then eventually he was like i'm gonna go watch a movie and in my head i'm like umm is that my cue to leave or what so i asked can i watch w/you and he said yeah of course, and i was like okay. got back to his room and realized he had arranged it for both us to sleep there (which was not easy or comfortable, his room is really tiny) and then we put in the movie after talking for a bit and he fell asleep (he ALWAYS sleeps more than i do, every single time). i kept waking up w/him halfway on top of me or w/his arm draped around my neck, lol. that space is not meant for two people, but it worked, and it was really really nice to sleep next to him. it's so comforting. it was funny like the moment he fell asleep he started like, putting his leg and arm on me. it all felt really good.

in the morning the same guy came in to wake him up cuz they had to go get paid for a job, so we had to get ready to go real fast and they gave me a ride home just now. all evening i kept thinking about i should give him the letter before i go, but then we were going and i didn't want to give it to him in front of the other guy.

so all in all, i'm still chicken shit, but at least i went over there. i also paid a lot of attention even when i was there, to like, not hold back as much, to tell him i appreciate things and to talk about my own life, and so on.

btw he didn't seem to think it was rude at all that i came over, lol.

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