VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3], 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:37:58 10/02/11 Sun
Author: chezmere
Author Host/IP: adsl-69-231-36-122.dsl.irvnca.pacbell.net / 69.231.36.122
Subject: Hope you don't mind
In reply to: Kathy 's message, "Matt turned 13 yesterday." on 08:57:07 09/30/11 Fri

but I was trying to relay what happened to Aly in middle school - let her tell you herself and what she did to get through it ....

Hi Kathy, it's Aly.

I was told I was too white to be mexican and too mexican to be white. I was called a lesbian all throughout 8th grade and I didn't know what to do. I got involved in a program called the California Cadet Corps and it gave me the courage to tell my counselor who my bullies were and to give them names. Yes, my mom had mentioned getting a lawyer, but I was the one who gave the names a face. I had enough courage and that program gave me the confidence to stand up to people like that.

My mom had told me to imagine people running down the hallway naked with polka dot underwear on their head. Funny yes, but it helped. I think my mom going into the school and saying this is what happened and I want it to change helped me out. It was facing a problem head on without looking back. I never really learned how to do that and in that meeting, names to faces, I learned how.

I think finally talking about it and getting it off my chest instead of bottling it up inside helped me too. I have since grown up and pushed it aside, but it did bug me. The Cadet Corps has become my second family. And I think what Matt needs, from a person whose been through bullying before, that's what he needs. Not to say that you're not doing an excellent job as a mom, but sometimes a kid just needs another place to go to.


Well, that's Aly's advice. - I think the Cadets helped Aly the most, as the Scouts will do for Matt. I also had the IEP thing going for Aly and I went to every meeting and then some. and BTW the boys that called Aly a lesbian day in and day out, were attracted to her. One day, I picked Aly up at her busstop, the two boys were whispering and talking loudly about her (I saw the whole thing go down), she was almost at our car and bammo, the boys weren't looking at where they were going and slammed into a tree. We laughed our guts out, the boys never bugged her again. Thank you tree!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> Thanks, Aly and chez -- Kathy, 04:28:46 10/03/11 Mon [1] (NoHost/50.41.206.244)

I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I finally got Matt to talk to me. He said he just doesn't like talking about it. He did say that the picking and bullying is a frequent thing and often happens in the locker room at school. He said that he started moving the bullies stuff around as a way to get back at them without actually physically touching them. I told him I understood why he did it, but to not do it anymore. I also gave him permission to fight back if anyone got physically aggressive with him. I don't think he will, but at least he now knows that he won't get in trouble from mom or dad for standing up for himself.

I told him that he has to let the school know what is going on; that by keeping silent it allows the bullies to keep doing what they are doing. I told him it isn't "snitching" or being a tattletale. It is to protect him and others who are being intimidated.

I am looking into signing him up for a martial arts class for two reasons. One, I think it will boost his confidence and his self control. Two, I think it will provide him with the knowledge of how to re-act in a threatening situation. A psychologist he saw a couple of years ago had recommended this as an option for Matt.

I am going to go to the school today to talk to the principal in person. Changes need to be made and I plan to stay on it until they are.

Thanks again for the advice. Speaking up is going to be a key thing, I believe.


[ Edit | View ]

[> [> [> How did it go, Kathy? -- Jenn, 00:29:30 10/04/11 Tue [1] (cpe-24-27-107-117.tx.res.rr.com/24.27.107.117)


[ Edit | View ]

[> [> [> [> Well, they have put a plan in place -- Kathy, 08:20:02 10/04/11 Tue [1] (NoHost/50.41.206.244)

When the principal called Cameron's mother on Friday, she said that they were probably going to be moving back to the school district that they came from. Cameron's mom said she wasn't sure that Cameron would be back this week. They were given the choice, if Cameron returned, to serve two Saturday schools or to go to PASS for three days. PASS is a very restrictive school for kids who have had behavior problems. Cameron did come back on Monday, but I don't know what he decided to do. My thinking was he shouldn't have been given a choice. He should have been taken out of the school.

Cameron is in all of the same classes as Matt, except band. The principal offered to change Cameron's class schedule so that he would not be in Matt's classes. I told her I would like that, but in the meantime I would like the teachers to be notified that Cameron is not to be anywhere near Matt in the classroom. He is not to sit near Matt. He is not to work with Matt on any projects, etc.

Matt said that most of the problems happen in the locker room. The principal said the gym teacher had mentioned that he planned to have one of the boys change in the bathroom instead of the locker room. The principal noted that she hates to have the "victim" be the one to have to leave so she suspected Cameron would be going to a different place to change for gym.

I told the principal that Matt told me that he had moved the boys clothes around in the locker room because "that is the only way I could think of to get back at them". He said he is picked on almost every day in the locker room. I told the principal that Matt felt like he had no way to defend himself. I also told her that I had given Matt permission to protect himself in any way possible if he is ever aggressively attacked like that again. I told her that despite what the handbook says about anyone engaging in a fight being in trouble, my child would NOT be in trouble for defending himself.

Because Matt is not a fighter I don't think he would actually do anything, but I wanted him to know that if he had to, mom and dad would be there to back him up.

Matt internalizes everything. Instead of striking out he gets very angry and shuts down. He will not cooperate or talk about it. The principal said she will notify the teachers to watch Matt for signs of him shutting down and to send him to her or the counselor so he can talk about what may have caused it.

I told Matt that he needs to tell a teacher or an adult when anything is going on. I told him he has to do it for himself and his friends.

I will be checking on our school's bullying policy. There is a superintendent's meeting this week that I plan to bring this up at. I just feel like kids in our school are not given any options to stand up for themselves against the bullies, without the risk of getting in trouble too. That needs to change.

I'll be checking with Matt when he gets home today to see how many of the planned actions were actually put into place.

Thanks for checking.


[ Edit | View ]

[> [> [> [> [> Sounds better... -- suek, 08:30:48 10/04/11 Tue [1] (NoHost/12.174.118.19)

than what they did for M@ back then. When he was in 2nd grade, 3 bullies picked him up and threw him in the outfield during recess baseball. He came home very quiet. He went to PSR and then when I went to talk with him afterwards in his room, he cringed from me! It took some major time and consoling and cajoling, but he eventually told me what happened. The brilliant counselor decided to have them all in a room together (with her) and be a 'circle of friends' and talk about it, and made the bullies promise not to do it again. Thankfully they were young enough (note he was a year younger than his grade peers) and listened. But I was mortified that that was how it was handled!

Then in middle school one kid he'd known since 2nd grade kept picking on him so M@ hauled off and punched him, breaking his pinky! No teacher involvement in that one, but thankfully that stopped too. Sigh.

Good luck - I sure hope you get resolution and he feels comfortable again.


[ Edit | View ]


[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.