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Date Posted: Sat August 01, 2009 12:00:11
Author: Lemons
Subject: No worries
In reply to: Comicality 's message, "Wow....I'l comment more on this later..." on Sat August 01, 2009 08:48:46

I kinda figured I'd be alone in this one. But if it helps you in anyway, then I'm glad I posted it. I almost didn't.

I'd like to sit here and say that I'm beyond all of that stuff now. That I've made peace with it. But I haven't. The truth is, I hate living. I don't necessarily want to die, I just don't want to live. I'm stuck in limbo. Waiting for something, anything, to come along and give me a nudge one way or the other.

I suppose I'm part of 'the big waste' in a way. It's not that I don't notice the little things. I'm thankful for all the small bits of luck that come my way. But on the other hand, it's all lost its luster. I don't even bother going out anymore. Except to the store for food and things. I sit here at my computer when I'm not at work. Isolated. It feels safer that way. I don't have to hurt anyone and no one gets to hurt me. If that makes any sense?

But then I stick myself in a place where I CAN'T meet anyone new or exciting. The 'thing' that I wait for to give me a signal whether or not my stay here is finished...can't come while I'm holed up from the outside world. So I become my own worst enemy. How? Why? Really, who cares? I don't anymore. Why would anyone else?

See, this is what I wanted to avoid. I didn't want this to sound like a 'poor me' sob story. Because I don't feel that way. Yeah, life sucks. But I don't regret where I've been and what I've lived through (for the most part). I've seen so many things and been so many places. Unfortunately, it just doesn't mean anything to me anymore. When you're alone, nothing is worth much. But there again, I've created my own prison. I'm still my own worst enemy.

What to do...

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Replies:

Hmmm -- Yagami_Light, Sat August 01, 2009 15:05:02