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Subject: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Bob E.
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Date Posted: 20:06:42 09/26/12 Wed

Do you and your spouse see eye-to-eye on discipline issues? If not, how do you resove differences?

With ony relatively minor differences do my wife and I not see eye-to-eye on these matters. When we do have any differences, we resolve them through discussion and, usually, compromise. When comromise is not possible, we have used a system where the least punitive method is favored. If this does not prove to be effective over a period of time, we re-evaluate, and decide upon another course of action.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Patterson J., Sr.
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Date Posted: 16:01:10 09/27/12 Thu

I thought this answer was easy.

OK, gentlemen, repeat after me: "Yes, dear, you are right and you are always right."

That will make life much easier.

Actually, Karen and I agree rather closely with our discipline/punishment. We talk about all "serious issues" before proceeding. If anything, she is harsher than I am. Fortunately, the subject of discipline has not been a contentious one for us. Now, as to how much I want to spend on a new boat . . . .

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[> Subject: Re: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Ann
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Date Posted: 18:41:45 09/27/12 Thu

This question is one big part of what got me on the web and finding the spank with love site. My Husband and I agree on punishments, and are both in agreement about spanking, though in practice he has been a much more mild spanker than I.

It's always been a big puzzle to me why, if he does not object to me spanking harder, bare, and with a hairbrush, that he goes easier in his spankings, though earlier this summer my husband administered to our son what I consider the first real "old fashion" spanking he has ever given.

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[> Subject: Re: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Anthony
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Date Posted: 18:48:06 09/29/12 Sat

My wife & I don't always agree on how to punish the kids. But once we decide on what their punishment will be then we back each other. I think that is so important for the kids to see.

If the punishment has already been given, such as a spanking, then even if the other doesn't agree with it we still back each other, at least in front of the kids. They have to know that they can't play one parent against another when it comes to their discipline.

An example I can give is an incident the summer before last. Our nephew was staying with us during this time. He is between Sean & Kevin age wise. The boys thought it would be cool to capture bugs, spiders etc & zap them in the microwave and watching them "pop". Angela was busy upstairs with the girls. You can imagine the mess the boys made in the microwave. She was angry & upset to say the least and made them clean the microwave as best they could. Then all 3 got a pretty good spanking. She told me about the incident when I got home from work that evening. I couldn't help but laugh and she got upset with me for that. I guess I just looked at it as boys being boys. We did have to buy a new microwave. Bug guts are really hard to clean off a microwave. But even with that I didn't think they deserved a spanking for it. Grounding them or making them pay for the new microwave would have been more effective I thought. So we disagreed on that but I still backed her decision.

There are always going to be disagreements about raising your kids & what the right decisions should be. I think it's important for the parents to communicate & compromise when it's necessary.

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[> Subject: Re: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Mitch
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Date Posted: 15:51:40 10/05/12 Fri

My wife Susan and I are in agreement with disciplining our boys 10 & 12. Susan was very much influenced by my mom who used bare bottom hairbrush spankings on me and Susan spanks the boys the same way, even for minor infractions.

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[> Subject: Re: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Gary Steven
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Date Posted: 12:46:34 10/13/12 Sat

My late wife and I were both spanked growing up (usually bare bottom) and we pretty much agreed when it came to discipline with our children. We both spanked bare usually over the knee by hand. There were a couple of times where she used a flyswatter or yardstick. I usually just used my hand but occasionally used a belt or paddle. We both agreed on basing the number of swats we gave on age (1 swat per year). Sometimes there might be extra swats if merited.

Where we disagreed was my wife was quicker to spank rather than using other punishments. She always used spanking and I would take the approach of reserving spankings for certain behaviors or if other methods failed to produce results. Also, after the spanking, she believed in sending the kids to their rooms for additional punishment. No discussion, hugs, etc... I on the other hand, usually would talk it over both before and after and always hugged them and made sure I told them I loved them. My wife usually accused me of "babying" them when I did that. My usual reply was to say. "They've been punished already, they don't need to think I hate them or am mad at them on top of it." Other than those points of contention, she and I pretty much were on the same page when it came to discipline.

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[> Subject: Re: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Ann
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Date Posted: 18:18:47 10/17/12 Wed

This seemed like the best place on the two threads to discuss. Since this summer my husband's perspective on his role in discipline and especially spanking has changed. This is mostly due to his involvement with a group from church, but first some background.


As noted earlier in this thread, and on several places in the original spank with love area, while we both have agreed that spanking is appropriate, we have had different approaches. I have traditionally been the parent who spanks more, and I spank "old fashioned," meaning pants down with a brush so it stings. My husband has always been very slow to spank, and (before this summer) when he has spanked his approach was always to give a few sharp swats to the seats of pants to "get their attention." However than began to change this summer when he actually made a paddle and used it to give our son a good over the knee spanking (the first like this for my husband).

We talked some, and I learned that a group of men at our church who meet for day long retreats every few months had discussed discipline and father's roles in the home. We attend a pretty traditional (=also "old fashioned") church. It was interesting to me that some of the older men (those with adult children) introduced the topic of how men should be the heads of their homes, and should take the lead on disciplining children when they are home. Whether you agree with this or not, I do agree that having loving husbands/dads who are "alpha men/dads" has in our current era become a lost art.

Anyway, it took a while for my husband to warm up to the notion, but the paddling he gave earlier this summer was an important first step for him. Then, last week, all three of our kids had some misbehaviors that led them all to need spankings (the first spankings given in our home in several months). Since my husband was home when two of the incidents happened, he stepped up and gave what I think were PERFECT spankings to our son (almost nine), and oldest daughter (just turned seven). I say this because based on what i heard going on in our kid's bedrooms, they sounded just hard enough, and lasted long enough that I am sure they will leave lasting memories. I spanked our youngest daughter. All three spankings happened over a four day stretch.

Why I am discussing this is because it took a long time, but my husband came around, and did what seemed to me to always be natural.

Has anyone else had a similar experience, where your spouse was a late bloomer as spanking is concerned?

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[> Subject: Re: Seeing Eye-to-Eye on Discipline Issues with Spouse


Author:
Dana
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Date Posted: 06:23:18 12/29/12 Sat

I would say that Bob E.'s reasoning follows very closely that reasoning in our house. Although there have been times where we disagreed and a spanking was given anyway.

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