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Subject: Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc. PS Author: Eleonora [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 13:34:18 02/10/26 Tue In reply to: Eleonora 's message, "Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc." on 13:29:32 02/10/26 Tue That ”I would never miss a soccer match”, it should read! Sorry abt that! [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc. PS Author: Zoe [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 17:33:09 02/10/26 Tue I was mostly just going to say hi to you and Catiy but I saw the soccer comment, and I had a funny thought--your mom could have put her energy into improving your ball control so you wouldn't get kicked instead of a spanking everytime you misbehaved. "Out in the garden Lenona, you're going to do two hours of stepovers in the snow. That will teach you not to smoke pot, and hopefully with better control you won't get bruised next week..." Anyways I just had a funny image, hopefully good for a laugh. I'm not very good at soccer, my only good skill is bruising tackles and intimidation. Back when Vi and I were dating in high school, she would get kicked all the time because no one could stop her, and I thought about playing soccer just to be the player who kicks the other team so they don't dare misbehave. I understand from Vi that with VAR this has gone out of fashion in pro soccer. And regarding manipulation, your definition is right from my perspective. Of course my principal at BS Baptist was great at manipulating people until made a fatal mistkae. I'll always think about him when I think of manipulation. And of course, poor Kate's stepmom. Catiy, I agree with Leona, as far as I know your story--I've just heard parts because of when I joined-- possibly things could have been better in your dark years, but I think lost years are what I have with my mom--don't be too hard on yourself. Actually right now not talking is proving to be better than talking

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc. PS Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11:39:39 02/11/26 Wed Hi! Good to see you, Zoe! You still have your sisters living with you, I understand? Good for them! It’s both a funny thought, and a scary one. Kind of like the ancient idea of having to do something you have overindulged in for pleasure, as an eternal punishment. Bodack, I think the person you remember is Kate, mentioned by Zoe, here Leona

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc. PS Author: Zoe to Leona [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 19:05:38 02/11/26 Wed Leona, Yes, my stepsisters are still living with. After the rough first few months it is has really been working pretty well, and we've been able to establish where I can mostly by the cool older sister and only the authority figure when really needed. It has also turned out that when the cool kids are good students Jo can be an academic powerhouse. My stepdad and I have mended our relationship to a degree that I never would have thought possible when I started posted her a couple of years ago, which is certainly an unexpected plus.

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc. PS Author: ZOE - re: dark years, etc. [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 19:45:24 02/15/26 Sun Hi Zoe, it’s nice to hear things are going well! I feel lucky that my mom and I are in a good place now. But I can’t help thinking that if we’d communicated better during my pre- and teen years things would have gone smoother then, and possibly going off to college would have had a better outcome. I needed her so much during those years, but ended up pushing her away. And she thought she was giving me room to find myself, when I was actually losing myself. But I don’t blame myself, or her. She didn’t understand what I was going through, and I didn’t have the emotional maturity to express what I was feeling. Caity

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: ZOE - Re: dark years, etc Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 19:54:21 02/15/26 Sun Hi Zoe (again)! I'm reposting this because I posted it under the title I wanted to post it as, rather than my name.... Hi Zoe, it’s nice to hear things are going well! I feel lucky that my mom and I are in a good place now. But I can’t help thinking that if we’d communicated better during my pre- and teen years things would have gone smoother then, and possibly going off to college would have had a better outcome. I needed her so much during those years, but ended up pushing her away. And she thought she was giving me room to find myself, when I was actually losing myself. But I don’t blame myself, or her. She didn’t understand what I was going through, and I didn’t have the emotional maturity to express what I was feeling. Caity

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: ZOE - Re: dark years, etc Author: Caity [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:46:45 02/16/26 Mon You do have a very healthy attitude about possible regrets, in any case. Facing the past bad has always been a very delicate balance I think. I think sometimes things seem so very clear in hindsight, when our previous selves probably had better points!

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: LOL Author: Zoe [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:12:42 02/16/26 Mon Now I've done the same thing. HAHA.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: ZOE - Re: dark years, etc Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06:12:06 02/17/26 Tue Maybe that makes us great minds! If great minds think alike they'd also make the same mistakes, right? Caity

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: PS Re: ZOE - Re: dark years, etc Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10:18:39 02/17/26 Tue Therapy's made all the difference for me, I think. The informal therapy of this forum, especially while I was living at home after the disaster of my first college year, really helped, and going to professional therapy since I've been in California has been invaluable. Caity

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: PS Re: ZOE - Re: dark years, etc Author: Zoe [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 17:55:00 02/18/26 Wed Caity, Of course we are great minds, but we don't make mistakes, we just develop our genius intermittently and with unforeseen results! I know what you mean about the importance of informal therapy, and just having people to talk with who won't judge you and do and understand your circumstances. Really the therapy group I was in when I was younger, the group of girls was way more valuable than the therapist. Honestly I think she was often overwhelmed by us, not that she was totally useless but I think she wasn't ready for the depth and range of issues--sometimes I think we were assuring her she was alright.

[> [> [> Subject: LEONA - Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc. PS Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 19:49:41 02/15/26 Sun Hi! I do think of those years as lost, at least to us and what could have been. I imagined us as being real-life Gilmore Girls, but when mom remarried that went away. It’s not like we didn’t remain close, and that bond was still there, but my adolescent brain couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t my mom and me, but my mom and three stepchildren. And of course my stepbrother and stepsister had their “real” dad and a stepmom, while I had a stepmom and a stepdad. So I reacted badly. It’s good that you can recognize what was happening with your mom. It’s easier to do that as we get older and have some years between now and those experiences, isn’t it? I don’t think attempting manipulation is a crime, lol, at least not in these circumstances! Manipulation with my stepsister was things like promising I wouldn’t do it again, or telling her I’d do some of her jobs around the house, or even one time threatening to tell our parents about things SHE did. None of it worked, of course. I think that last one was a time when she said something about making it harder on myself. I also remember a time when I was in the corner and she told me to quit squirming and stand still, and I said something like “is this still enough for you”, apparently in a sarcastic tone. That resulted in a lecture as she was walking me across the room for another spanking. It’s surprising that nothing similar occurred with your mom. Maybe you were just better behaved when spanking was imminent? Lol Take care! Caity

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: LEONA - Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc. PS Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03:22:40 02/18/26 Wed Hi! Strange, how we can be talking and listening, and still don’t get fundamental things! I’ve thought of you, your mom, your stepdad and stepsiblings as THE family of your uppringning, probably because it’s what I’ve heard most about. Yet, I could have known that the time you lived with all of them was just part of it. Your remark about Gilmore girls really brought that home to me! Sorry for not thinking! It did not come as a lightning out of clear sky, though, I hope? What did your mom do to prepare you that they were going to be family? How was the first introductions like? When you accepted your stepsister as taking care of discipline at her discretion, did you think a lot about it, pro and con? Or did you think it wouldn’t be so significant? Did you see the possibility of that amount of bullying? I do think it’s admirable that you have been able to resume normal relations! No, I don’t think that difference was because I was more well-behaved, at least not as a conscious strategy. Remember that you asked me about being pulled by the ear, and I explained that my feet froze to the ground? I think that feeling lingered on. A sense of shock, with my tounge paralyzed, too, and that more or less lasted through all of my spankings. All my best! Leona