Re: -- Let's Talk Spanking

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Subject: Re:

Author:
Zoe to Debra

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Date Posted: 19:41:12 02/11/26 Wed
In reply to: bodack 's message, "Re: Eleonora, re: manipulation, etc." on 17:46:20 02/11/26 Wed

Debra: Negotiation implies a principal attempt to bargain, manipulation an attempt to get something via deciption or other underhanded means.

However, given what you have said I don't think you are going to change your stepsister's behavior, because her intentions are to hurt you for her own enjoyment, and your mom is listening to her, and I'm not sure about negotiation. As to negotiation, partly that depends on what you are willing to put on the table. I will tell you when I moved in with my stepdad, who had the time had a strategy of paddling excessively, I said that I would only take a paddling I felt I deserved. However, I was 17, and I indicated my willingness to pack my car, which I had paid for with my own money, or to use force (I do MMA) to stop a spanking I disagreed with. I don't broadly recommend either strategy, and it would have in the long run been a bad thing if I would have hurt my stepdad, this only to say that I had put something on the table that my stepdad had to engage with. If you don't have something to offer, or a threat, you might not have anything to bargain with. You might express this is undermining your relationship with your mom but you might get in trouble for doing this, and you are too far away from being able to move out for that to be credible.

I see your concern about what outside intervention would mean--if one of my younger stepsisters friends said what you did, I would feel the need to either intervene or report or both, but I think you need to do this. Bodack is right, that this reminds my of someone who wrote two years ago named Kate, and the person like your stepsister made things progressively worse. My advice is: 1) you can talk to someone who has a confidentiality mandate, such as a therapist, or counciler, and some mediators. 2) you may talk to someone without such a mandate, and ask for mediation in more general terms.

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re:
Author: bodack [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 09:40:47 02/12/26 Thu confidentiality mandates mean very little. There are broken all of the time.It also varies from state to state and most states require reporting of abuse which most people would consider this.

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: To tell or not to tell

Author:
Debra to Zoe and Bodack
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Date Posted: 19:14:38 02/12/26 Thu

Dear Zoe,

I have read a lot of your earlier posts in the last day or so. You have a really great heart and what a treat it must be for your friends to be able to talk to you. And the kids you take care of through all kinds of problems, they are really lucky. And you also spank when needed which means the kids are wasting their time trying to con you or lie to you--you know how to deal with them for sure.

On the idea of telling someone about my situation to get help, I have to agree with Bodack. Confidentiality mandates I believe go out the window if the law says the counselor must report what he or she thinks is abuse. But it is OK. I whine and complain but I can deal with the spankings I get. Like you I can be tough too. The thing is I can handle the spankings even if they are given me on some flimsy reason. I end up having an good hard cry and then I am sore for a day or so, okay, but then it passes and that's life. I would never risk exploding my life and ending up God knows where and apart from my mother.

Many thanks to both of you. You are both tops. Wish I could give you both a big kiss. Debra

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: To tell or not to tell
Author: Eleonora [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 14:20:28 02/13/26 Fri Hi! Debra, I understand your concernes about getting your family in legal trouble! Can you think of a person you could trust, who isn’t legally obliged to inform anyone? But who could be trusted, at least to some degree, by your mom? What they are doing is so over the top, and some kind of wake up call could be found, I hope! Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: To tell or not to tell

Author:
Debra to Leona (Eleonora) and others
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 23:07:13 02/15/26 Sun

Leona, thank you so much for your note. I hope my situation has not upset you. It is so nice of you to be concerned.

The problem is that above all I would have to know someone, some adult first that would not go to the authorities about this, and second it would have to be an adult who mom knows and respects and who she would listen to, and I don't know anyone who fits into those two boxes.

One thing though, you people made me realize that I was for sure not the one who was wrong in feeling strongly that I am getting spanked way too often and for flimsy reasons so I think I have decided what I can do about this. I have already gone back and made a list of all the spankings mom and my step-sister have given me in just the last three weeks and what they said I was being spanked for. Before that the number of the spankings and the causes get pretty blurry and run together and hard for me to remember and note down. But I am making that list.

Then I am going to grit my teeth and not say anything for another two weeks but note each spanking I get and the flimsy causes. Then I will confront my mother and step-sister and tell them flat out that this has got to stop now or I will go to the authorities myself--like to the school principal.

As I have said, I really don't want to do that and probably never would--because, like I say, that would blow up my life and home forever. But the thing is I have realized they can't be sure I wouldn't do that.

Then I'll tell them that I'll tell the principal the kinds of things they are spanking me for and the number of spankings, and I'll tell them I have kept a list (and I will suggest it is even longer than than the list I'll really have (about five weeks, three I can remember now and two more).

My mother and my smartass sister-in-law I think would be horrifies at the idea all of that being dropped on my school officials desk, with reports to the police almost required.

I'm kind of stealing a page from Zoe here. I haven't taken MMA classes like her, but I think it is time I threaten to punch back myself. I happen to know my sister-in-law has no real close friends at school because she is a self-centered know-it-all and most of the kids her age know that, so the last thing she would want to have happen is a big blow-up over her being charged with abusing me.

As I say I want to extend my list for like two weeks and then have a real five-week list and confront them both, but if I can keep my nerve and do that, I bet most if not all of their abuse will stop pretty quickly. I'll tell them I only have a copy of the list at home and the real list elsewhere. Wish me luck. Debra

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Yay for your plan!

Author:
Karl
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Date Posted: 07:41:14 02/16/26 Mon

Good for you, Debra. It really does sound like your step-sister is spanking you for insubstantial reasons, maybe secretly for her own pleasure. And why should you continue to put up with being treated like this for how many more years? Your step-sister needs to find a play partner who freely and willingly consents to being spanked, if she wants to continue to giving spankings.

Your story and your plan reminds me of a passage I read long ago in the biography of artist Emily Carr, titled "Growing Pains". It seems Emily's older sister used to like to spank Emily often for what Emily regarded as silly little things, even into her early adulthood, if I'm remembering right. But one day, Emily decided she'd had enough of her sister's spankings and told her sister forcefully that that she would no longer submit to these spankings. And if I remember right, her older sister did stop spanking her from them on.

With regard to your plan, you should actually keep another copy of your list somewhere secure as backup, not just say you are doing it. Maybe even posting it here would work as a backup.

Do let us know how this all works out for you and your step-sister and mom.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Yay for your plan!
Author: Zoe to Debra [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 14:15:05 02/16/26 Mon Karl gives good advice--he gave me good advice too, some time ago. I would also add when you DO confront them, make sure you have a place to be and someone expecting you not too long afterword. Sometimes people react badly to being confronted.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: to Zoe

Author:
Karl
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 16:27:06 02/16/26 Mon

I haven't been on here for a while and maybe you haven't either, Zoe. I remember your story. But I remember as far as you moved out and eventually took in your step-sisters and had a visit or two from your dad. How have things been going with you and Vi and the kids over the past year or two?

I'm glad to hear you thought my advice to you was good. I can't really remember what I wrote back then, but you certainly had a difficult situation with your mom and step-dad and that Baptist school with the principal who was jonesing for another chance to paddle you, and dealt with it admirably. Kudos to you!

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: to Zoe

Author:
Zoe to Karl
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Date Posted: 19:04:56 02/16/26 Mon

Karl,

Things have been mostly good. We had a rocky few months but after the girls and I have established a good rhythm where I can be the cool older sister as long as everyone behaves, which is almost all the time. Jo has also turned out to be a very talented and motivated student in a system that rewards that (and where it is socially cool to get As). Vi moved in with me for a while, and it was nice having a second parent but she's moved back east chasing better soccer. We have had some arguments about that but I think we'll be okish.

My stepdad and I have repaired our relationship to a degree I wouldn't have thought possible. Really when he's freed of the toxic environment/expectations of Baptistville, he's a good person. Apparently when they were hanging out together on his last visit he told Amy "he was going to tell on her to Zoe" if she didn't shape up," in a somewhat joking way. Unfortunately he has received a bad medical diagnosis, so I'm not sure how much long he will have--a couple of years at least, I think/hope, but you never know . My mom and I are not talking but that's perhaps for the best. I've left the ball in her court, and that is less mental load for me.

Because I was able to get almost 60 credits in high school and did an internship last summer, I'm able to graduate in May. I'm writing a capstone about experiences with modes of violence that is turning out to being a lot about spanking since people are willing to be interviewed about that. I'll share more when I've actually finished it. I have another internship lined up for the summer, and then I'll need to figure out what's next. Probably more study of some kind eventually, but there are too many things that appeal but nothing specific. Provided things are working with me and Vi will probably try to line up what I'm doing with her law school applications after some work next year since she has another year.

I do have to say the if my ex-principal runs into me in a dark ally he had better walk the other way, quickly

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: to Zoe

Author:
Karl (to Zoe)
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Date Posted: 07:24:44 02/17/26 Tue

Glad to hear things have been working out well for you and your step-sisters and that even your step-dad seems to have come around to a saner outlook. I don't know what to say about your mother. From what you wrote before it seemed she was unwilling to acknowledge her own failings and blamed you as a scapegoat for everything.

Interesting that so many people are willing to be interviewed about spanking. But if you're looking for another, non-spanking, source for your treatise on violence, you could look into Bill Buford's 1993 book "Among the Thugs" which is about what he learned and experienced while hanging out with England's football hooligans. Of course "football" in England is what we call "soccer" in America. I haven't read it myself, but I had long thought it would be worth reading. Here's a blurb about the book:

"They have names like Barmy Bernie, Daft Donald, and Steamin' Sammy. They like lager (in huge quantities), the Queen, football clubs (especially Manchester United), and themselves. Their dislike encompasses the rest of the known universe, and England's soccer thugs express it in ways that range from mere vandalism to riots that terrorize entire cities. Now Bill Buford, editor of the prestigious journal Granta, enters this alternate society and records both its savageries and its sinister allure with the social imagination of a George Orwell and the raw personal engagement of a Hunter Thompson."

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Yay for your plan!

Author:
Eleonora
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Date Posted: 01:11:36 02/17/26 Tue

Hi!

I, too, think you’ve come up with a good plan! If I may add a few thoughts, it would be that you shouldn’t rush it! I’m saying this, because when I have a good Idea, I’m eager to try it out, sometimes too eager.

Keep it on the facts about what has happened, and your stepsister’s reactions, but keep her personality out of it, as much as possible. I don’t think your assessment of it is wrong, but in a discussion that easily gets heated, hard facts are your best friends!

My best wishes

Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Yay for your plan!

Author:
Debra to Leona and others
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Date Posted: 18:40:46 02/17/26 Tue

Thanks so much, Leona, and others, for your encouragement. All of you who have posted have been helpful and encouraging. I'm feeling better about the plan to confront them every day.

And yes I will keep a copy of the list in my school locker and also I will confront them when I already have someplace I have to be shortly after our talk and with people waiting for me--not that I think they might really try to get physical and really intimidate me, but just being safe rather than sorry. I am already thinking I may do it at the end of this week instead of waiting another week because I have written down the incidents over the last three weeks and the incidents are very numerous and show the patterns very clearly.

And I put today down on the list already. When I got home from school my lovely Aunt had my waste basket from my room, full to overflowing, waiting to show my mother in the living room. "Look at this", she snarled. "A banana peel was left in there for days and days. It's totally spoiled and black! I have it in a plastic bag in the kitchen to show my sister."

It was black, but I ate that banana Sunday evening, two days ago, and I would have emptied the full wastebasket today. This meant nothing to the martinet. "Take your dress and panties off, young lady", she said. "You have an appointment over my lap right now."

I then had to undress in the living room and go over her lap and she then spanked me with her hand and then with the hairbrush until I was bawling my head off and I then did a wild dance in front of her naked as usual. And when I finally quieted down she said, "When I show that disgusting banana peel to mom that was left in your waste basket for days and days, she may very well spank you again tonight at your bedtime and I will suggest to her that do exactly that."

So that is on the list with a ton of other very small matters like that. It's not like the banana peel was covered in bugs or something, or like it was left on the floor or on a windowsill or something--it was in the wastebasket which had filled up by last night and would have been emptied today. And the spanking, like all of hers, was very hard and long and I still have a very red bottom almost four hours later.

The good thing--it's on the list with lots of others just like it and with lots of even less important events for which she or mom have spanked me, or sometimes both spanked me! Debra

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Yay for your plan!
Author: Sookma [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 11:58:25 02/18/26 Wed You spanked by both an aunt and a step sister?

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Yay for your plan!
Author: Debra to Sookma [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 12:53:45 02/18/26 Wed Spanked by my mother and an older Step-Sister. Debra