Author:
Shyla the deceased(from laughing)
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Date Posted: 21:23:28 06/29/03 Sun
In reply to:
Whiteye
's message, "lol ok next inside" on 21:08:45 06/02/03 Mon
Meanwhile, back at St. Ninny's...
Cluny was sitting on the fromt pew of St. Ninny's, hugging his teddy bear and muttering to himself. Purpletooth peeked in timidily.
"Er, er, Chief? We got those beavers that ya wanted captured, but this big ol' porcupine got away and headed off back ta Redwall. Any further orders, Chief? Chief?"
Cluny, get a grip!
Cluny jerked upright and quickly stuffed his teddy under the pew. "Arr? Right. Purpletooth, go get Shadow."
Purpletooth groaned. "Aw, Chief...not Shaddah..." He was accompanied by loud exclamations of irritation from the horde of rats camped outside. In response, Cluny narrowed his single eye.
Purpletooth gulped. "Right! I'm goin'! I'm goin'!"
When he had made sure that Purpletooth was gone, Cluny retrieved his teddy bear from under the pew.
"Arr, Hieronymus, what'm I supossed ta do? Every night I dream about that-"
Hieronymus? You named your teddy bear 'Hieronymus'? Like the morbid painter?
"Arr, yeah. So?"
...a stuffed animal named after Bosch...
"What?"
That is the weirdest thing I have ever seen in this story so far.
Cluny clutched Hieronymus Teddy. "Hieronymus ain't weird! He's my best friend!"
Cluny, you desperately need a psychologist.
"Arr! I do not!"
It was at this particular moment that Purpletooth reentered the chapel and Hieronymus was flung under the pulpit. "Well? Where is he?"
"Actually, he's already here, Chief." As Purpletooth finished speaking, a series of loud thumps echoed from outside.
"What's that?" Cluny asked.
Purpletooth sighed, with a very pained expression etched into his features. "That would be Shaddah settin' up his speaker system, sir."
Cluny blinked. "Speaker system?"
"Ya haven't met Shaddah in person, have ya, Chief?"
"Arr, naw. What is he? A rat? Weasel?"
Purpletooth fidgeted. "Er...I'm not really sure, Chief."
All right, enough background information. Shadow? Where are you? Hurry up!
With a gust of wind, all of the candles in the church simutaneously winked out.
"WHO KNOWS...WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEARTS OF BEASTS?" A voice boomed menacingly from the speakers positioned directly against the walls of St. Ninny's. The entire building rattled.
Whaaaa?!
"THE SHADOW DOES!"
"Arr!" Cluny clapped both paws over his ears. Purpletooth simply stood still at looked as if he was considering flinging himself into the river Moss.
Shadow! What the HECK was that?!
Shadow, a black-furred rat-weasel poked his head into the tent flap. "What? This is American culture!"
American culture from forty years ago! No one's going to get that!
Shadow blinked. "All right, lemme try again."
No, that was okay, just let's get on with the-
Shadow sauntered into the middle of the room and struck his 'tragic hero' pose.
"Life's but a poor player, a walking shadow..."
Shakespeare? No! Stop!
"Who?" said Cluny.
"...Out, out, brief candle!"
*hysterical sobs* You've mutilated Shakespeare! Fiend!
Shadow was mortified. "I have to do something ELSE? Hmmm..."
Nooooooo!
"Shadows and dust, Maximus! Shadows and dust!"
Stop! STOP! Your narrator commands you to STOP!
Shadow stopped. "I have to stop?"
The Shadow radio thing! Gladiator! SHAKESPEARE! You've destroyed SHAKESPEARE! Oh horror horror horror! Tongue nor heart cannot conceive nor name thee!
Cluny's head swiveled back and forth between Shadow and the roof so fast it looked like he was watching a tennis match. "I don't get it..."
Shadow crossed his arms. "Are you saying that I don't have any freedom to express myself in this story?"
Express yourself all you want! Just if I hear one more mangling of the Bard out of you and I'll turn you into a cl...no, that's Matthias...a LOBSTER!
Shadow stared blankly for a moment, then whipped out his microphone. "FEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS...wo wo wo..."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!" Cluny screamed and dove under the pulpit.
Ssss....ssss...tttt...ooo...pppp! Cluny! Just tell him!
"Arr! I'll find someone else!"
JUST TELL HIM SO HE'LL GO AWAY!
Cluny popped his head up from behind the pulpit. "Arr, Shadow! I want ya ta sneak inta Redwall an' steal me the picture of the warrior mouse from the tapestry!"
Shadow mercifully dropped his microphone. "Really? That's cool. When do I start?"
"Now! Now! Go! Arr!" Cluny shrieked.
Shadow took his cue and exited stage left.
Cluny clutched Hieronymus and whimpered. "Arr, I'll NEVER get over that."
*deeply shaken* You're not the only one. I'm gonna go back to Redwall where they're at least partially sane! Methuselah! You're on in the next chapter! Five minutes, animals!
(Okay, we're doing Macbeth for the fall play and I couldn't resist...and go see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets! Wonderful movie! Yeehaw!)
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