| Subject: Clicky. |
Author:
Retina
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Date Posted: 14:51:34 04/17/03 Thu
In reply to:
Retina
's message, "Vignette." on 14:49:41 04/17/03 Thu
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I should've seen it, I should've been more wary of the whole situation.
I should've killed him when I had the chance.
Regret, remorse? It does nothing for me now; I overestimated myself and underestimated them, and here's the price I pay. Here's my last stand.
What was it that the stories said? Oh yes; the heroes charge into battle, face death in the eye, but they come out. They always do. They'll beat unthinkable odds, liberate and save others, defeat the tyrant, and will be put into song. Happy ending for all.
And I wonder, did the storytellers ever _experience_ what it was in their stories?
And even as I stab with the pointed end of my javelin, and strike out with the blunt, I wonder. How can this ever be a happy ending?
It's death. It's destruction, it's darkness, it's evil, it's...war. What does _fighting_ do for you? What does it accomplish? What does _death_ accomplish? Blood strewn across the barren land. Blood, blood, blood, everywhere. And it never ends as the stories do, not always. The stories misses details; vital details. The stories skim over the murder, the massacre. The stories skim over the death, the horrible death, the horrible stench and sight of death. The stories skim over the fact that not all the heroes survive.
What is the happy ending? Is the happy ending where the hero returns, gallant and courageous as ever, after defeating the villain? Or is the happy ending something greater, something more _powerful_? The happy ending is what the creature _desires_, desires greatly, above anything else. And when they received that desire, or carry it out, then their happy ending is achieved.
I want Badrang dead. I just lost my chance.
'We will have peace, even if we have to fight for it,' I remember my father reciting to me once. Words spoken by a wise mouse. *
Why do _I_ fight? It might be for peace; but not solely for peace. It's vengeance. And I wonder... even still, I wonder, as I kill and murder, and stumble over carcasses of my victims as I kill and murder. Blood. Battle. Death. And I wonder...
Vengeance. If I fight for vengeance, then perhaps I'm not a hero after all.
A hero has worthy causes. A hero doesn't fight needlessly; he doesn't rush into battle carelessly. A hero...is what I'm not.
And so it comes down to this.
What sort of odds are these? One against forty? I should have seen it.
And will I be put into song?
My happy ending...is that I defeat Badrang. That I defeat Badrang and bring down Marshank.
My happy ending...
And what would this be? This...this death, this killing? I've scarred Badrang both mentally and physically; I know he won't forget me. He can't forget me. Perhaps...perhaps I won't have a song. But I will have an impact.
So maybe this can be my happy ending. The happy ending of a warrior, who fought for vengeance, and flirted with death, only to be accepted in its embrace. A non-hero, who spent his whole life bent upon one single thing, only to have failed in carrying it out. A squirrel, who had to be brought down by two score, and still took vermin down with him as he went.
I should be proud of that part.
Here's my happy ending, Felldoh, late of Marshank.
Will you remember me; me and my happy ending?
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*The 'wise mouse' quote is actually a quote from General Eisenhower, a commanding officer from WWII.
So, y'all like?
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