Subject:  astounded! *!!!* |
Author:
medeis
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 00:10:04 05/12/01 Sat
In reply to:
delena
's message, "'nuther one for the story/poem board" on 19:56:26 05/11/01 Fri
first let me say that i am not a poetry critic or anything, i just like some stuff and i like what i can understand and what resonates inside of me. your poetry does that to me. you have managed to rhyme (something i can never do! and i think that is laziness on my part...rhyming is difficult!!!) and not only that, but you did it well!
"as, suiting, my death draws nigh." what an interesting line! you write in the old style...and you keep continuity throughout, with beautiful words. i have nothing but admiration for this! two thumbs up!
i like the double quatrain sestet format. reminds me of some sonnet formats, but those are a little different and i think there are set lines (14?, yes, 4,4,4,2) and metre but i dont know, never studied poetry. did you? you do so well! i recall phrases like iambic pentameter...anyhow that's beside the point. the point is, what you are doing works. the six lines go together well, the meter is great, the effect is wonderful!
but i can see well
my own corner of hell
and of me, he leaves not a trace.....
oooh, just lovely! really works well! if you decide to end it there you might take off the ellipses but otherwise i wouldnt change a thing. the poem truly stands on its own.
delena i am so utterly amazed! you are truly creative and it is a pleasure to read your work! i hope you will continue to post more of it!!!!
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 
