Band Free Zone -- XAVIER MENS BASKETBALL

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Date Posted: 23:06:21 10/08/02 Tue
Author: The Humboldt
Subject: Band Free Zone

What is up with the band members coming out of the woodwork on the MM board? It has become a wasteland of roving band members picking fights and agrivating the general public. I am afraid to click the link anymore. It is like my worst nightmare come true.

I tried to warn you guys. We should have taken X-bland out to send a message that band geeks can't hang, but you didn't listen. That big pussy Homeskillet coddled the bland band man, saying that he objected to the Band Free Zone. I guess you reap what you sow, Skillet. Now we have a real problem. Emboldened by the bland band man's defiance, we now have other band members reproducing like rabbits and claiming turf.

At first I thought that Homeskillets words were pure genius. Instead of taking out X-bland '01, why not convert him to the Army of Porn. Surely, if we could convert X-bland, we could convert anyone. Upon seeing his conversion to the dark side, others would surely fall in line, knowing that resistence is futile. But what has Skillet done to prod the bland band man? Nothing.

It is time for a call to arms. X-bland must submit to intensive pornography. Skillet, you are his new drill seargant. I want you to get him on a slow but steady regiment of internet porn. You can start with some bikini sites at first. Every week, you need to report back to us what sites he is visiting, and how much progress you are making.

It is a multiple step process. First he must admit that he has a problem, and that he needs to seek help from a higher power to solve it. That higher power is Porn. Then, he needs to engage in porn consumption to clear his mind. I think we can all remember the first true moment of clarity that we achieved when first viewing porn. Suddenly, all of lifes questions seem trivial, because you already know the answer. In porn, as with beer, we find sustinence, hope, and the life giving nectar of the Gods. Especially lesbian strap on porn. But you have to ease him into it, he isn't ready to go straight to the lipstick lesbians wearing rubber phalluses right off the bat, it could set him back years.

The end game scenario still involves us pitching in some coin to get him a hooker. The porn will prepare him well for that. And I am not talking a high class hooker, I think he needs to drop his virginity on a fat ass white slut. He will be the trailer trash bangin band man when we get through with him. And dipping his wick ain't enough, he needs to do it with some attitude. I envision him emerging from the dirty trailer with a smoke out of the side of his mouth and a smile on his face. To graduate he will have to have slapped her ass Taliban style, rode her hard, and treated her like the pig that she is.

I think we can do this. If we can turn X-bland '01 to the dark side of porn, our goal of world domination will surely be within reach.

Mr. Skillet, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to start X-Band off on the road to enlightment. Unless we do something about the band problem now, it will only get worse. Ignoring it has already cost us precious time. It is the same way with Sadaam. Do you want to sit back and let him develop weapons of mass distruction? George Bush could have just as easily been speaking about the bland band man. If we wait until the whole cyber world is crawling with band geeks, what bandwidth will be left for those who wish to consume internet pornography? Some cyber convention of band geeks will bog down the lines and next thing you know, your midget gangbang downloads will be unavailable because the servers are too busy. Let's face it, our whole way of life is at stake, and the Army of Porn lies in the balance.

Our next move is crucial. Call me a porn hawk if you will, but I believe that drastic action is needed.

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Replies:

[> TESTIFY! Porn = life. We must begin the "purification process" now. -- THE JUST AND MERCIFUL NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!, 08:42:44 10/09/02 Wed

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[> I admit it. I made a mistake. I defended the band man and now the results are evident: fifteen tuba suckers on the MM board. I feel like Clinton. I will take up your challenge, although I fear it may be too late. I also cannot support easing the band man into porn slowly. The only hope is toal immersion. Email me band man, I know a site with nekid band chicks. It even has nekid midget band chicks. -- Homeskillet, 13:34:04 10/09/02 Wed

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[> [> It is the only way, Mr. Skillet. What kind of man rejects Porn? Have faith in Porn. That said, I am not sure that I could be subjected to nekid midget band photos right off the bat. Skillet porn might scare any man. I hope I picked the right man for the job. -- The Humboldt, 15:30:01 10/09/02 Wed

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[> [> [> Update Number 1: No word from X-band '01. I have failed the great band man. He has abandoned the path of porn. I'm sure he is just concerned that the porn may be adventitious to his tuba playing. -- Homeskillet, 17:30:16 10/09/02 Wed

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[> [> [> [> Don't give up! Don't ever give up! -- Jimmy V, 18:08:59 10/09/02 Wed

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[> Porn is not easy for some. One must accept porn and be willing to understand its power. Band geeks are not easily transformed into 'Dirk Diglers' therefore we must be patient with them. Give them time and lets see what happens. -- MANWHORE, 19:58:42 10/09/02 Wed

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[> Porn Rules.......If ya don't like porn then I thinks you must be a commie! -- BlueBlob, 22:43:24 10/09/02 Wed

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