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RhitTaker Inc. Messageboard
"Keep Cool and I won't have to 20/40 your ass right on out of here!"
  • RhitTaker '03 -- BC, 16:05:20 07/21/03 Mon
    The time is drawing near... Be afraid. Be very afraidcatt.


    (Just thought I'd say that)

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  • Baskies -- Walt II, 14:48:06 01/01/03 Wed
    I really don't care a hill of beans about the NBA, but if there is enough interest, I'd play. I agree with Chooch, I don't hardly know what to do when I get on the computer anymore, and baseball season seems a long ways off.

    W2

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  • RhitTaker Awards Banquet -- BC, 12:16:48 12/30/02 Mon
    The RhitTaker awards banquet is scheduled for tonight at the brizz. 8PM. We will award the championship trophy, prize money, and the prestigious player awards. So come and join us for Nach and Bizz at the Brizz tonight.


    (While in past years, this has been a black tie affair, this year will be ulto casual)

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  • A hole in our lives -- Chooch, 07:56:02 12/26/02 Thu
    The end of RhitTaker football has left a giant void in my life. Getting on the internet without checking injury reports and up-to-the-minute football news has left me feeling as alone as the KOP with no penis to look at. So, I am here to find out if anyone is down with RhitTaker baskies. I would not be doing the stats (as everyone would know that I would fall way behind) as I have found services that we could use for a nominal cost or free. We could hold the draft within the next week or so, and still have a season that is plenty long enough. So, if anyone is down, reply NOW!

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  • THE CREAM WILL RISE TO THE TOP AGAIN, MARK IT DOWN -- CHOOCH, GO FUCK YOURSELF, 10:02:25 12/26/02 Thu
    ONE BAD YEAR AND THE CRITICS COME OUT LIKE VOLTURES, THE BIGGEST CRITIC OF THEM ALL OF COURSE IS KARL CHOOCH DIARAJ. YOU CAN TALK ALL THE SHIT YOU WANT TO ME, I DESERVE IT THIS YEAR I AGREE, BUT I HAD JUST HAD A BAD YEAR, A YEAR WERE I HAD TO MANY PEOPLE GO DOWN WITH INJURIES AND TRADE AND DRAFT PICKS THAT PLAINLY DIDN'T TURN OUT THE WAY THEY WERE SUPPOSE TO. BUT TO PICK ME 5TH, FOR NEXT YEAR IS A SLAP IN THE FACE. REMEMBER I AM A 4 TIME CHAMP, TITLES TAINTED? NO WAY, LET ME ASK YOU, WHO HASN'T RIPPED OFF GRUNDA, I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU HAVE CHOOCH, SO GET YOUR BALD HEADED ASS OUT MY FACE WITH YOU THAT SHIT. LAST YEAR I HAD THE BEST TEAM, BAR NONE, 300 POINTS AHEAD OF THE NEAREST PERSON TO ME, BUT CARMA WAS NOT ON MY SIDE, AND LIKE I SAID EARLIER MY GUYS DIDN'T STEP UP THIS YEAR, SO GO AHEAD TALK YOUR SHIT, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO, TRY TO STEP ON SOMEONE WHEN THEIR TEAM HAD A BAD YEAR LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO, AND NEVER COME UP WITH ALL YOUR EXCUSES LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO WHEN YOU DON'T WIN, AND COME UP WITH ALL THE WAYS TO SAY I DIDN'T DESERVE TO WIN MY TITLES THAT I HAVE WON, BUT NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER DISRESPECT ME AGAIN, CAUSE BOY BEING A FOUR TIME RHITTAKER CHAMP, DESERVES RESPECT, AND SON, I WILL BE BACK NEXT YEAR, AND NUMBER FIVE WILL BE MINE.

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  • RhitTaker Bowl -- Chooch, 07:51:06 12/24/02 Tue
    For those interested in the final total, Kurt beat me 252-163. Congratulations to Kurt on his first title. I wish to thank my players, most notably the Bear Brothers and Clinton Portis, for yet another successful season. In 11 RhitTaker seasons, we now have 4 titles, 6 RhitTaker Bowl appearances, and 9 playoff appearances in a league that only features 3 playoff teams per year.

    We, at the Bear Brothers, do apologize for our performance this weekend. The fans were expecting the greatest RhitTaker Bowl of all-time. We finished the regular season on a 7-game winning streak, averaging over 250 points per game, and then put up 322 in the semi-finals, so this 163 comes as quite a shock to us. After all, we hadn't been under 200 since the 3rd week of the season. But, hey, it's RhitTaker, and sometimes rhit happens. It's just one game, and it shouldn't take away from the tremendous season we've had. One could argue that our second-half performance was the most dominating performance that RhitTaker has ever seen. But a fifth title just wasn't in the cards.

    The question now, is where Kurt fits in the scheme of things at RhitTaker. Obviously, one season doesn't put him at the top. My accomplishments will stand as the measuring stick for greatness for quite some time to come. But where does Kurt compare to the other members? Bob has obviously won a few titles, but at least a couple of them don't have the same luster as other RhitTaker titles, as they were gained by ripping off the likes of Jarrod Grunda. None of the other RhitTaker elite has ever won a single title. Deryal and Brad have combined for 7 RhitTaker Bowl appearances, but 0 titles. We anticipate, that when the RhitTaker Sportsbook releases its odds for 2003, that Kurt will be the 2nd favorite to win the RhitTaker Bowl. Our guess at the order: 1) Karl 2) Kurt 3) Deryal 4) Greg 5) Bob.

    The thing that sticks out is four-time champ Bob only being ranked fifth. But the consensus has always been, that in a strong league, with no weak links to pick on, that Bob is middle of the pack, at best. And in the strongest league in RhitTaker's history, Bob had a terrible year, and got ripped off himself, by a rookie. Coincidence? We'll see. Anyway, Deryal didn't look like a #3 team this year, but in his 5-year RhitTaker history, that was the first time he didn't make the playoffs. Only my playoff percentage is better than that, for teams that have been in RhitTaker more than 1 season. Greg is obviously working his way up the food chain, and could have a bit of a bulls eye on his chest next year.

    Anyway, congratulations once again to Kurt, and we'll see you at the awards banquet.

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  • A NEW CHAMP IS BORN -- A ROOKIE SHAKES UP RHITTAKER, 11:35:46 12/23/02 Mon
    A ROOKIE IS A THE NEW CHAMP IN RHITTAKER, IT HAPPENED LAST YEAR TO, BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT SKIP LEFT DURING THE DRAFT AND WENT TO ARBY'S AND WE DRAFTED HIS TEAM FOR HIM, BUT IN KURT'S CASE, HE IS DESERVING OF ALL THE PRAISES AS HIS TEAM WAS CLEARLY THE BEST. THE MAN BARELY BROKE A SWEAT ALL SEASON AS HIS TEAM PRETTY MUCH DESTROYED EVERYONE HE FACED, WITH HIS TWO BOYS PRIEST AND L T THERE WAS LITTLE ANYONE ELSE COULD DO BUT SIT BACK AND GET THEIR ASSES KICKED. GRANTED HE TOOK SOME BUMPS DOWN THE ROAD, AND HE WAS LUCKY IN SOME GAMES, BUT THE MAN THAT WANTS BRIAN GREISE'S HEAD ON A PLATTER LIVED UP TO HIS OTH LEAGUE'S FAME, AS RHITTAKER GLORY CAME HIS WAY, HE NOW HAS DONE WHAT OTHER RHITTAKER VETERANS HAVE YET TO DO, HE IS PROUDLY DESPLAYING HIS RHITTAKER RING, KURT NOTHING CAN BLEMMISH YOUR RECORD NOW, CAUSE TILL YOU DIE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A RHITTAKER CHAMPION. BUT HEAR ME NOW AND HEAR ME GOOD, NEXT YEAR WILL NOT BE A NICE WALK DOWN THE WOODS, YOU WILL BECOME THE HUNTED, YOU WILL BE THE PREY, AS ALL OF US WILL DUMP YOU AWAY, AS YOU SEE YOU ARE IN SELECT COMPANY, YOU HAVE JOINED THE GREAT NAMES AS HAKIM, AND KARL D, AS RHITTKAER CHAMPIONS, YOU HAVE HANDLED YOURSELF WITH CLASS, AND RESPECT, AND THIS I WILL NOT FORGET, BUT I WILL BE BACK SON, OH YES, SO ENJOY IT AS YOU CAN, BECAUSE BOBBY AND HIS CLAN WILL BE BACK, AND THE MY FIFTH RING WILL BE INTACT.

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  • BelvisNoland.com Bowl -- Four Baggers Starters, 10:49:36 12/21/02 Sat
    Four Baggers are starting:

    Tom Brady
    Shaun Alexander
    Edgerrin James
    Hines Ward
    Plaxico Burress
    Jeremy Shockey
    KGB
    Pat Kerney
    Keith Bullock
    Peter Boulware
    Vicera Green
    Rodney Harrison
    John Carney

    Backups:

    Aaron Brooks
    James Mungro
    Dee Brown
    Curtis Conwizzitizzity
    Itula Mili
    Shingo
    McKinnon
    Peirson Priolns
    Sebastch

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  • Starting Lineup for Great White LB's -- W2, 10:00:00 12/22/02 Sun
    Despair.com Bowl

    Gannon
    Henry
    Bettis
    Moulds
    Price
    Heap

    Abraham
    Howard
    Urlacher
    Maslowski
    Cash
    Wesley

    Elam

    Backups

    Kitna
    Zereoue
    Streets
    Fauria

    Kearse
    Thomas
    Kelly

    Brown

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  • BelvisNoland.com Bowl -- Four Baggers Starters, 10:49:35 12/21/02 Sat
    Four Baggers are starting:

    Tom Brady
    Shaun Alexander
    Edgerrin James
    Hines Ward
    Plaxico Burress
    Jeremy Shockey
    KGB
    Pat Kerney
    Keith Bullock
    Peter Boulware
    Vicera Green
    Rodney Harrison
    John Carney

    Backups:

    Aaron Brooks
    James Mungro
    Dee Brown
    Curtis Conwizzitizzity
    Itula Mili
    Shingo
    McKinnon
    Peirson Priolns
    Sebastch

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  • RhitTaker Bowl Starters -- Chooch, 20:17:44 12/20/02 Fri
    QB Marc Bulger
    RB Clinton Portis
    RB Fred Taylor
    WR Terrell Owens
    WR Marvin Harrison
    TE Tony Gonzalez
    DL Roderick Coleman
    DL Mike Rucker
    LB Jamie Sharper
    LB Edgerton Hartwell
    DB Brian Dawkins
    DB Jason Webster
    PK Martin Gramatica

    Back-ups
    QB 1. Brad Johnson; 2. Mark Brunell; 3. J.C. Watts
    RB 1. Marcel Shipp; 2. Michael Pittman; 3. Stanley Wilson
    WR 1. Donald Driver; 2. Rod Gardner; 3. Buster Rhymes
    TE 1. Alge Crumpler; 2. Mikhael Ricks; 3. Duncan Parham
    DL 1. Justin Smith; 2. Dwight Freeney; 3. Jeff Tupper
    LB 1. Sam Cowart; 2. Paul Migliazzo
    DB 1. Todd Lyght; 2. Scott Case
    PK 1. Uwe von Schamann; 2. Justin Harper

    Let's bring home #5, boys.

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  • Bowl Games -- W2, 23:05:07 12/16/02 Mon
    I'm feeling in the holiday spirit today. That is the spirit that is all things football, and for whatever reason there isn't enough of it to go around. This is why I have decided to attempt the beginning of a new Rhittaker tradition. Bowl games. Yes, there are already playoffs, and there is the Rhittaker Bowl (which will remain the greatest of the great), but we should do as college football should as well and have bowl games for those who don't make the playoffs. (yes, I'm aware there are no playoffs in college ball, but there should be, and the teams that aren't in them should get to play bowl games, which is exactly the point.) With league approval, I submit the following system:

    1. There will be as many bowl games as required for the number of teams available; in this instance four games. If there are an odd number of teams, the team who goes to the playoffs does not get to play again. (Sorry killa you'd be out this year if we had 11 teams)

    2. Unlike the BCS, we will have no Notre Dame factor, no Florida State (we suck, but we won our conference!) rule, and no points are awarded for tradition in any way. (convenient for me since I'm a rookie, huh Squeech?) The divisions will not be taken into account, only total number of rhits, followed by Win-Loss, total points, then head to head to determine who plays whom. 3 will play 4 5 vs 6, 7 vs 8 and 9 vs 10.

    3. We're playing for Pride boys. Sorry, there's no cash available from the Rhittaker supply, but there is no penalty if you choose to apply the cash yourself.

    All that said, here are the proposed matchups with bowl games and locations:

    BelvisNoland.com Bowl

    Location: Sacramento, CA (Hey, where would you rather be next weekend?)

    Flaming White Rabbits (41, 10-5)
    vs
    Four Baggers (38, 9-5)

    To the victor goes the spoils. You get to shake Belvis Noland's hand (or paw as it may be).

    Despair.com Bowl for the benefit of the Mediocre College Students

    Location: That field below the Leaning tower of Pisa, Italy

    Great White LB's (38, 8-6)
    vs.
    Squirming Coil (34, 6-8)


    Winning team may take joy in knowing that although it is still in the middle of the pack, at least it is slightly above average. You know, kind of like getting a 79.5% and getting a B in a class...just good enough to be slightly better than average.

    Poulan Weedeater Classic (This Bowl MUST be brought back)

    Location: Warsaw, Poland (hey everyone thought it was the Poland Weedeater bowl anyway, let's just move it there.

    Swelled Up D!*K (28, 6-8)
    vs
    Easily Confused (21, 4-10)

    I'd say the winner gets a weedeater, but that would cost money. Maybe he could just eat some weed...er um..or something like that.

    Saniflush Urinal Bowl brought to you by Prit.com - Yes you've guessed it. The bowl that everyone has wanted to exist for years has finally come to be. We will pit the two worst teams in the league in a battle to determine who doesn't suck the most. This KU vs Louisiana-Monroe wanna be matchup will be run on ESPN Classic for years to come, or at least remembered until next Tuesday.

    Location: Flush, KS (Could there be a more appropriate place? And yes, it does actually exist.)


    I Always Knew You Were Uncircumcised (16, 3-11)(gets the nod as favorite by a mere 18 point˙

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  • Alright Chooch, Here We Go-Rhitaker Bowl Finals -- Kurt ("Hung Like Bull"), 09:29:42 12/20/02 Fri
    QB: M. VICK
    RB: P. HOLMES (in honor of him getting me this far)
    RB: L. TOMLINSON
    WR: J. HORN
    WR: L. COLES
    TE: M. POLLARD
    DL: G. WISTROM
    DL: W. SAPP
    LB: K. BROOKING
    LB: M. JONES
    DB: C. SCOTT
    DB: M. BROWN
    K: O. MARE

    BACK-UPS
    QB1: D. CULPEPPER 2: C. PENNINGTON
    RB1: W. DUNN 2: L. JORDAN 3: O. GARY
    WR1: B. FINNERAN 2: E. MCCAFFREY
    TE: J. RIEMERSMA
    DL: K. MIXON
    LB: M. BARROW
    DB: R. WILLIAMS
    K: M. ANDERSEN

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  • I guess it's sort of fair, but we'll have to lower the over/under -- Chooch, 07:54:56 12/17/02 Tue
    Well, at this point, it looks like both of the team captains, Terrell Owens and Priest Holmes, will not play this weekend. So, it's kind of a fair trade, but the over/under will have to drop, and I'd probably have to be installed as a slight favorite. But we'll see... hopefully, they'll both play.

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  • Get Well Soon, Priest -- Chooch, 10:58:21 12/16/02 Mon
    We offer our best wishes to Priest Holmes, and hope he is ready and healthy for the 11th annual RhitTaker Bowl. We also wish him and all his Hung Like Bull teammates good luck next week. The Bear Brothers want your best shot next week, HLB. We don't want to BYU our way to anything. Go ahead and get 80, Priest. You want to go out and get 75, LT? Go for it. We want the highest scoring game in RhitTaker history next week. The fans deserve it, and the league deserves it. We want the greatest RhitTaker Bowl of all-time. Our boys are chomping at the bit, and raring to go. This could be a classic, folks. Right now, the game is off the board, as we don't know Priest's status, but if he is healthy, the line will be pick 'em, with an over/under of 553. Let's get ready to rock.

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  • Playoff Action -- Chooch, 19:48:32 12/15/02 Sun
    In a low scoring affair, I will move on to take on Kurt in the match-up that has looked inevitable for the past month and a half. With only my QB, Marc Bulger, remaining, I am up 279-262. Not a bad performance in Greg's first RhitTaker playoff action, but just not quite enough.

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  • End of season stuff -- Chooch, 05:46:38 12/13/02 Fri
    I have put up playoff capsules and season leaders on the site. A note about season leaders: they are of the lazy man's variety. The are calculated using season yardage totals, not a game-by-game average. Thus, they will not identical to actual RhitTaker averages, as rushing for 78 yards in a game is not better than rushing for 73 yards in a game in actual RhitTaker play, but it would improve the season average. But as they say in Serbia, it's good enough for government's work. Anyway, glance over the stats, and get ready to vote for RhitTaker awards. Each award will be decided by a two-day poll, with the first poll coming Saturday.

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  • Playoff Cometary -- killa, 23:08:17 12/13/02 Fri
    Based upon the capsules i would rate myself about a +23 dog this week...However as a gambler i wouldn't touch the spread i'd bet myself on the money line....Go for the pay day.....I'll tell you why...Very favorable match ups at my RB's Jamal vs. the Texans and Deuce vs. the Vikings...Unless the Vikings could play both the morning and afternoon game it would be hard to get much better than that.....Now I'm grossly outmatched at Wide Reciver but if ROD and Moss will rember whom they have been in seasons past than things could go well for me thier.....They actually have good matchups in New orleans who hopefully will be spanking them and hand the game to Deuce and throw prayers to moss and in Kansas City who again will hopefully be up 3 scores on Denver and Griese will throw up balls while leaving Portis to pass block...And to me if thier is one factor this week it will be how much pass blocking Portis is to do....Hopefully a lot....In any event we shall see. Chooch should easily win on paper but thats why we play the game....

    Good Luck.....

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  • The Flaming White Rabbits Lineup to Sign Up -- killa, 23:00:31 12/13/02 Fri
    Griese
    Deuce
    Jamal
    Moss
    ROD F#*KING SMITH!!!!!!!(nominated for Better Off Slicing Pending)
    Brady
    Taylor
    Bratzke
    Fletcher
    Bell
    Willams
    Barber
    Akers

    BU's
    hassleback
    bennett
    taylor
    Johnson E.
    Brown C.
    Gold
    Vincent
    Monty for kicker

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  • What do you all want from me? -- Chooch, 23:21:10 12/12/02 Thu
    Look, I am doing the best I can. First, you all expect me to do all the scores every week. I mean, that freakin' takes addition, and stuff like that. Now, you also want me to remember the rules that I put in. Give me a break. You all would probably tell Da Vinci that his brush strokes were too light. And so what if I gave an extra rhit every week. One more rhit each week is just that much more cheer I can spread each week. One more team gets to smile just a little brighter. And what is wrong with that? With all the senseless violence, crazed religious fundamentalist leaders, and ruthless tobacco executives in the world, shouldn't we at RhitTaker do what we can to make the world a better place?

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  • Playoff Starters -- Chooch, 03:38:57 12/13/02 Fri
    QB Marc Bulger
    RB Clinton Portis
    RB Fred Taylor
    WR Terrell Owens
    WR Marvin Harrison
    TE Tony Gonzalez
    DL Dwight Freeney
    DL Justin Smith
    LB Jamie Sharper
    LB Sam Cowart
    DB Brian Dawkins
    DB Jason Webster
    PK Martin Gramatica

    Back-ups
    QB 1. Brad Johnson; 2. Trent Green
    RB 1. Marcel Shipp; 2. Michael Pittman
    WR 1. Donald Driver; 2. Rod Gardner
    TE 1. Mikhael Ricks; 2. Alge Crumpler
    DL 1. Roderick Coleman; 2. Mike Rucker
    LB Edgerton Hartwell
    DB Todd Lyght
    PK Dino Bravo

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  • SINCE THE ROSTERS ARE SET, AND SINCE I AM BORED -- I GOT SOMETHING TO GET OFF MY CHEST, 22:12:07 12/12/02 Thu
    MY TEAM WAS FULL OF KOP'S RUNNING THEIR HEADS IN A TREE. NOW IF THE ROSTERS ARE SET, IF THEY ARE NOT THEN THESE CUTS ARE DISALLOWED AND WILL GO INTO FULL EFFECT AS SOON AS IT IS.

    WE HAD TO MANY PUSSY FUCKS ON SWELLED UP DICKS SQUAD, AND FRANKYLY THEY JUST HAVE TO GO

    ALREADY CUT MR. I DROP THE BALL AND WHINE KEYSHAWN JOHNSON

    NEXT, TORRY HOLT, I TRADED GANNON AND HENRY FOR YOU, GREAT, FUN, GRAND, FUCK YOU, YOU PUSSY FALLING DOWN SON OF A BITCH. SEE YA AND I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YOU.

    NEXT, MARSHALL FAULK, YOU KNOW I COULD HAD THE BEAR BROTHERS, AND CLINTON PORTIS FOR YOU,(INCLUDING BOSTON AND A TRAIN) YOU COCK ASS, YOU WERE SO GOOD TO ME IN THE PAST, BUT NOW YOU HAVE DROPPED TO #4 ON MY LIST IN NEXT YEARS DRAFT, IF THAT. BUH BYE, CUT.

    NEXT AHMAN GREEN, YOU PUSSY, HANGNAIL AWARD? COULD BE, PUSSY, CUT.

    NONE OF MY GUYS GAIN RESPECT FOR ME, (EXCEPT DREW BLEDSOE, BUT YOU PRITTED OFF TOWARDS THE END, BUT THE REST DEE DEE, REE REE, KIKI, WIKI, FUCK ALL YOU IN THE WEE WEE.

    AND TO ALL THE ARE LEFT IN THE PLAYOFFS, ILL BE BACK, LIKE SHAQ ATTACK. PEACE, FRIED CHICKEN HERE I COME.

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