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Date Posted: 01:38:42 01/11/09 Sun
Author: Stardoe
Subject: Hmmmmmm.
In reply to: CW 's message, "To add to all this..." on 20:04:03 01/06/09 Tue

Interesting.
I think evil people like psychopaths are born and made. Usually it's the double whammy of having a mental problem and really bad treatment that causes evil people to be as they are. But that said, I deal with alot of troubled kids from very bad homelives and deep down they are nice kids and I'm constantly saying all they need is decent parents. Bad parenting doesn't create bad kids but it creates kids who have not learned to behave like civilized human beings. Kids who are hardened to violence and criminal activities and have no compassion or empathy for others. This, in turn creates problems with education/authority and leads to them getting into trouble. Kids who think it's funny to torture animals or laugh at others who are hurt.

Do you know that regardless of what happens to a child in the womb, a baby/toddler that is constantly placed in a living situation that causes chronic stress releases a stress hormone in the brain that we all have, only these babies/toddlers release too much and this hormone actually shrinks the part of the brain that controls thinking, rationality, logic, self-control. Children in this situation are actually developmentally delayed in these areas. They may still be very brainy but lack the self direction and ability to concentrate long enough to use their brain. ADHD medications help this, hence, the over diagnosis of ADHD and the large number of children from poor backgrounds on this medication. My area has the highest per capita number of kids on ADHD medication in the state. Lots of low socio troubled families producing troubled kids. I was brought up in a poor family in a town where everyone except the chemist and shopkeeper was poor but everyone worked. Everyone had a purpose and everyone had morals and values and behaved in a civilised way. Being poor doesn't make bad parents and kids. I think welfare is the cause of the feral states of families inlow socio areas today where people have nothing to occupy themselves with and feel hopeless and helpless with no proper living skills, social skills or vocational skills.

At the moment there's a big problem with one suburb of Sydney that is housing commission. These people are totally feral and my sympathies for them aren't strong but I think they are a prime example of poor circumstance creating alot of badly behaved children and adults that are basically good but have no clue how to behave good any more. To read interviews with these mothers who want what's best for their kids but have no way of showing them or teaching them how to be a good citizen. I sit in interviews with parents of the kids in my class and hear the same thing. The kids are feral but nice kids who I really like in a warped love/hate way. I see so much potential and I beat myself stupid praising and encouraging them as much as I can but I could write down now who will end up dead, in gaol, pregnant, bashed by their boyfriend, a bikie mole etc. And I'd be pretty correct. All because of circumstance and that vicious circle of poverty and feral existence. My colleagues and I often talk about how successful they'd be if they had decent lives. It's heartbreaking to know that most won't ever break away.

As was said before, good parents can still have kids that get into trouble but I think that stems from outside influences such as peers, learning difficulties that aren't addressed which leads to low self esteem etc. Sometimes even the best parents don't realise their best intentions are bad for their kid. Parents aren't psychiatrists who know all the right things to say to a kid in order not to lower their self worth etc. Parents who swear black and blue they don't have a favourite when everything they say and do shows that they do have a favourite and the kid knows it. I do believe that well brought up kids who go off the rails, mostly , will come around because that good upbringing from earlier will come full circle and they will be ok.

I also believe that outside influences can be a good thing. My husband has never spent any time with our son even though I've implored him since our son was about 4. My husband has nothing in common with our son and will only spend time with the kids if they do what my husband likes such as washing the car, mowing the lawn, playing soccer or swimming. The result of a detached father himself. So I'm very pleased that my son has other males that he can look up to such as his karate sensei, his bagpipe teacher and the other guys in the pipe band. Even the 80 yr old pommy bagpipe playing, ex fuselier that my mother introduced him to these past wks is a good person for him to know. The bagpipe guys drink whiskey and I thought this was bad for my son but the old guy doesn't drink at all so it's good to have someone like that as a role model too. I think boys need someone other than their fathers to look up to such as sports coaches etc, because they will often begin to think Mum and Dad are silly old farts who know nothing and pay no head to us. As my children approach the mid teen age I fear that they will break away and do something stupid and I won't be able to do a damn thing to stop them but I hope that the values and morals they have will surface later and save them from ruining their lives. And perhaps a sensible person they look up to will step in and help guide them through.

I think where a child falls in the sibling age order also affects how they behave. eg. The first kid is so good, the second might have a bit of an inferiority complex about that first sibling and not wanting to be compared to them or compete with them, will try to behave in a completely different way which could be perceived as bad/naughty/pushing the boundaries so to speak.

So I think upbringing plays a huge part in creating a child. Hellboy is a good boy because he had a good father. As for Harry Potter, he does get rebellious in his teen yrs which alot of kids with rotten parents do.

Stardoe

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