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Date Posted: 20:04:03 01/06/09 Tue
Author: CW
Subject: To add to all this...
In reply to: kenamom 's message, "Is evil a learned behavior? or is it inherited?" on 07:09:12 01/06/09 Tue

I do know from experience that there are a number of families who appear (and I MEAN appear) to be rock solid families, pillars of the community, etc. Then, if you are unlucky enough to really get to know them, you find out that behind closed doors things are not quite what you expected. The "you have to be so careful what people think" sorts of people who tend to be control freaks, over-controlling their spouse and children, and yes I think most have some sort of mental illness such as obsessive-compulsive (neat-freaks) or oppositional-defiant personalities. Some actually get what they want in their sick lives, while others can't figure out why their wife or husband left. Or better yet, why their kids don't come home, or end up in trouble some how.

I'm not talking about the parents who are sincere and truly give their best effort. The ones I am talking about are the parents who are social climbers, maybe live past their means, or worse yet, put down those who are less fortunate than they are. Comments like "who do they think they are?" or "they're nobody" just irritate me to no end.

Of course there are many more families who really are what they appear to be when in the public eye or anywhere else. Some are loving, close-knit, 'good church going people' who are doing their best with their children and families. Others are not so terrific, no matter where they are and that's not always good for the kids. I had a student years ago whose parents spent most of their time in the bars. They would pick her up and go to ones that served food as well so she could come with (no baby sitter for them!) It used to just kill us at school but the county couldn't do anything about it. She was fed, dressed, clean, went to school regularly and had a place to live. Or how about the mother I heard calling her kid to have him call her boss to say that she had car trouble and couldn't go to work that night. (We were at a casino for a Lion's Lady's night--I had my knitting with and didn't go the next time.)

Kids don't come with an instruction manual and even if they did, I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all set of directions. Kids also have a lot more baggage to carry around today then when I was a kid. Peer pressure is so much more than in the "June Cleaver" days when I was growing up. TV ads, pressure to be popular and the best in sports or whatever extra-curricular activities that are chosen for the kids--chosen mostly by the adults. Kids have far too much organized time and not enough "just go out and play" time.

So is it nurturing or nature--I don't know. Somehow I think it's both. Nurturing can be done by non-family members as well as extended families. I really do think that it does "take a village to raise kids" well and even then there will always be those individuals who are challenges both as children and as adults.

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Hmmmmmm. -- Stardoe, 01:38:42 01/11/09 Sun