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Date Posted: 20:59:23 01/03/02 Thu
Author: Bill
Author Host/IP: 64.12.107.167
Subject: Just too keyed up

Feel like I should make a news headline:
"Winter Storm Surprises South, police question Bill Lister's arrival in South Carolina as possible cause."
Ok, total exxageration I know, but it was funny hearing co-workers talk about how it just NEVER snows that bad in Aiken and boom, first year here and there's snow, cold, and ice everywhere, stores shelves are emptied of bread and milk, and while out here in the near country it is beautiful because the snow is undisturbed and everything is sparkling, it's also an anxiety/depression/isolation triggering response.
I felt so isolated tonight and restless to the point I couldn't decide what to do, I felt like I couldn't go outside, I don't like cold weather like I used to, but I didn't want to stay indoors, so I decided to watch a movie, but couldn't decide what movie to watch, so I decided to online chat and found a chat room but couldn't bring myself to say hi and the numerous messages flashing gave me a head rush, I need to do laundry and other things but don't want to do them, so I feel anxiety over not doing them, so because there wasn't someone here I could have slap me very hard, I decided to come here and vent.
I'm also depressed because in Emporia, people die in car accidents once in a while, here there's more traffic, people die more often, three yesterday afternoon alone due to the winter storm on roads I have traveled.
Every time I drive to the hospital area to go to work, I pass a white painted cross on the road where an 18 year old pregnant woman was killed, so ironic that her husband drove her to the hospital for abdominal pains and she was treated, and then she dies when through the fog a delivery struck hits the truck she was a passenger in as she was leaving the hospital.
God, life is tough sometimes.
It's times like this when I wish I had medication to numb my mind, I can't bear the weight of the world on my shoulders and dwell on other people's tragedies.
Life is tough enough without letting everything that happens cloud my mind. Then I feel selfish and feel guilty for feeling that way.
I'm babbling so I'm going to stop, but I was just hit with a rush of an isolated, seasonal affective, anxiety ridden,
restless, and agitated mood swing so I had to vent.
Bill

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