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Date Posted: 20:04:37 09/30/01 Sun
Author: Jonathan
Author Host/IP: 65.230.131.243
Subject: I feel like I'm losing this battle in life!

Ever since my counselor dumped her patients... I have had few to talk to. I just hate to have to shell out thousands of dollars on a new counselor; one whom I don't know, and then have to start all over again!

My anti-depressants are running low and I have to find a new doctor to get medicated again! I am rationing them now...

I am in pain from a poor putty (heel spur) and have been amassing lots of pain pills lately and recently learned how to take the aspirin out of the medication to get the full narcotic effect! Seems so easy to just od and wait an hour and then pull a Kurt Cobain! Why does this simple act have to be sooooo hard! Because there are people out there that will feel bad when I'm gone! But what about me? Are there anyone out there that won't abandon me when I need help? Just isn't fair!

In less than two weeks I am off to Florida for a vacation. I am responsible to encourage a sick seven year old battling for life with a terrible form of cancer called "Neuroblastoma". Seems crazy that I got to be worshipped by this kid while he fights to live and I want to die? God? Can we trade places?

My major depression is affecting my work. I am late nearly every day... just don't want to get up in the morning. They won't fire me because I am told that I am a damned good exterminator and they tolerate me... though I have been passed for at least two raises this year... I just don't care anymore.

Well I just wanted to gripe today... gripe session over.

I'm one stupid pessimist!

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