Create a New Forum Admin Login Member Login Contribute to Voyager Search VoyForums Help Desk VoyForums Exchange VoyForums Directory/Categories VoyForums Homepage VoyForums News FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4 ]

Subject: Re: Hope (Untitled) - Chapter 8 Author: Nestra [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 13:25:56 07/23/03 Wed In reply to: Athena4 's message, "Hope (Untitled) - Chapter 8" on 18:33:10 07/20/03 Sun A counterattack against the KGB was launched within the week, by Section One. Why not nice and active? "Section One launched..." To her pleasure, Madeline found herself too wrapped up in disassembling the shelter, and her team, to think much about her own reassignment. One by one they were shipped out, taking what few possessions they had, and whatever supplies their transport could carry. And one by one, she took them aside, pressing on them the importance of silence, of the chance they were gaining. What jean said. ;-) Glancing down at them, she understood his confusion, and why he was at a loss for words. I don't think you need both "confusion" and "loss for words." Hers showed the same thing, reassignment to Section One; transport to pick her up before dawn. Hers showed the same thing: reassignment to Section One, transport... She’s missed him more than she’d ever thought she would, far more than she’d like to admit. She'd “The Three Stooges?” Madeline interjected, and was answered with a mock frown from Egran. Is that a reference he'd get? “Never mattered. You did though. I do regret you.” Comma before "though". And I'd like a little more description in this part of the conversation - it's hard to tell how the two of them feel. “Okay, it probably is. But, I can handle myself.” Cut comma after But. “Shhh. Just a thank you. No matter what tomorrow brings, Madeline, you changed my life; by bringing me home, and giving me your friendship. I'd cut the semi-colon and have "you changed my life by bringing me home, and by giving me..." “No need for thanks, Egran,” she said, pulling his hands down, and holding them for a moment in hers. Cut the comma after "down." “Yes, ma’am,” he smiled, returning to his own cot. Smiled not a dialogue tag. ;-) (Broken record? Me?) that had brought her to this moment; that had made her desperate enough to force George’s hand. Semi-colon should be a comma. And there we are. :-) I think the plot hangs together nicely, all the strands of intrigue and people's various allliances. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]