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Date Posted: 11:07:21 10/26/01 Fri
Author: Ben
Subject: Loaves and fishes.

I try to eat light, you know that. I mean, I've struggled with weight my whole life, and doubtlessly will continue to do so, based on the fact that it's unlikely I will ever fall out of love with BBQ ribs and beer. But I've gotten pretty good at knowing how to control my eating patterns, particularly when I go out to restaurants.

One of the keys to my success is that I rarely have a big lunch. Sometimes I'll have no lunch. But when I'm feeling a bit peckish, I enjoy going to a local establishment and sampling their fine goods. My trick is, I go up to the bar (since most of the places I go do happen to have bars) and order an appetizer. Just a light little appetizer, too, not fifteen potato skins with extra cheese and bacon.

So yesterday I go to Macaroni Grill, sit down at the bar, and order the calamari appetizer. Sure, they're fried, but I won't eat the whole thing, and it's really relatively light.

But then what happens, before I can even say "auugh!", they bring me an ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD. As if this is my normal diet -- go out at lunch, have a snack, and then wash it down with an ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD. Fortunately, I have such willpower that I was able to not eat any of it. I did, however, ask them to box it up, because I felt bad for them having to waste an ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD. Of course, I'll never eat it, and now there's an ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD in the company refrgierator.

Then dinnertime rolls around, and I'm feeling righteous, so I head home to my local fish restaurant, and just order their BBQ shrimp appetizer, which I love, and which has naught but a few peel 'n' eat shrimp in this fabulous spicy wine/BBQ sauce. Not thick sauce like on chicken or ribs, just a tasty, soupy thing you can dip the shrimp into.

I begin to dive into the delectable crustaceans, when out of the corner of my eye I see -- oh no, it's can't be! AN ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD!!

I will admit to having two small "end-piece" slices of that loaf, just because the sauce is so great to dip into, but then you still had most of an ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD leftover. I didn't wait to have that boxed up, because I started to fear that if I kept this routine up, my entire apartment would just be me, and perhaps a television, surrounded by giant piles of ENTIRE LOAVES OF BREAD.

My point is: Hey, restaurants. How 'bout cooling it with the ENTIRE LOAVES OF BREAD, huh?

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