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Date Posted: 7/03/08 6:44pm
Author: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Subject: Re: Spam Wholesaler needs assistance
In reply to: Stefan Rodrigues 's message, "Re: Spam Wholesaler needs assistance" on 7/03/08 3:47pm

Stefan,

I have consulted with Kneebreaker and he has accepted your apology in light of your offer of £15,000.00.

Next Thursday Noon is fine with me, by all means bring your polygraph tester, I was planning on voice stress analysis and hidden video cameras to keep things on the up and up but whatever makes you comfortable.

I might remind you we just had the new metal detector equipment installed so I would leave any knives or guns at home unless you have the RF ID microchip to bypass the poison gas option. It really is quite effective and instead of needing screeners I just had the chips implanted in my staff.

I had no idea you were so multi-talented, great crested grebe imitator indeed! As a lad at boarding school in Lichtenstein I used to delight in mallard imitations much to the disdain of the headmaster. We still occasionally relieve the day’s tension over brandy with Sueman and his imitations of vulture mating calls and my mallard calls. Sadly Kneebreaker does not share our interests and Stall’s stuttering makes any attempted imitations sound like a clucking hen.

Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law

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Replies:

[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Spam Wholesaler needs assistance -- Stefan Rodrigues, 7/03/08 8:37pm

Roger

I am very pleased and some what relieved to hear that Mr Kneebreaker has graciously accepted my offer of £15,000.00.
I`m delighted that 12 noon will be ok too.

I did`nt want to mention it, but along with the polygraph tester I will also be bringing along some James Bond type anti-surveillance devices, a rope ladder, chain and grappling iron, an ex-army German luger, 3,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 sten guns, 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 1 gas mask and a Japanese, Rapid Action, Multi-grip, Self-lubricating chainsaw. All of which will be hygenically cleaned by one of my servants to remove any traces of my DNA - and/or dabs before I alight to our little meet at 12 noon.

Thank you for your kind complements regarding my multi-talentedness. It will go down very well at the annual twitchers meeting in July. Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall certainly sound a motley crew based on your description of them, i`m sure you all get on like a house on fire and like all good conspirators you all have a common bond.

Sincerely

Stefan Rodrigues

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Spam Wholesaler needs assistance -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 7/03/08 9:19pm

Stefan,

I would not have taken you for a twitcher, I can ask Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. if they can bring their captive Siberian Stone Chat to the meeting. You could add another tick to your list even if it would be a plastic Sibe I wouldn’t say a word.

Yes we do get along like a house on fire as you say, I also forgot to mention the metal detector is also equipped with a unique 12 nozzle refractory ceramic flamethrower with enhanced plasma and cutting oxygen option. You might want to lay in a Newtex 3000 Series’ aluminized Zetex® Fire suit for your visit. The manufacturer of the metal detector system demonstrated it to us using a hippopotamus to which a small metal tag had been attached, true to their claims the hapless animal was reduced to a pile of smoldering ash in only four seconds.

I am glad you reminded me as I now remember the landmines and grenades that have been on backorder should be here Wednesday giving us enough time to sprinkle some around and rig the trip wires in case you inadvertently try to use the back entrance.

Looking forward to your arrival Thursday next and we will lay in some surprise to make it memorable.

Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Spam Wholesaler needs assistance -- Stefan Rodrigues, 8/03/08 8:36pm

Roger

Yes, I have been a keen twitcher since as far back as I can remember. I must get it from father.. (did you know we shared the same dad?).. he was a keen bird watcher too you know, much to our mother`s and his array of ex-wives` dismay.

Thank you for your kindness in the heads-up on the arsenal of weapons you will shall we say, be "Laying On" for me.
You are really too kind.

I shall of course be sending in the mandatory 50 cloned decoys of myself just to test the water so to speak as we don`t want any mishaps do we. It was a clever ploy of yours, to recommnend that I might want to lay in a Newtex 3000 Series’ aluminized Zetex® Fire suit for my visit. As you are well aware that particular fire suit was decommissioned in 1964 due to a spate of untimely deaths of wearers of the fire suit. The deaths occured, it`s said, due to the high levels of asbestos and highly toxic radium contained therein, but still, thank you for thinking of me..
Might I say you make Uncle Fester appear like a "kindly doddering old gentleman" in comparison:-).

With regard to the landmines and and grenades, by coincidence I also have on order a Fujyami Mk 9 Robotic Bomb Disposal Humanoid which i`m hoping should be with me by this Tuesday, all being well, so sprinkle as many as you want around. "Fujy" is completely indestructable and is capable of withstanding a 2000 megaton nuclear explosion within 20 centimetres of its undercarriage.

Do give my regards to Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall. I do look forward to meeting your acquaintences this Thursday and would like to thank you all in advance for your very warm welcome.

Sincerely

Stefan Rodrigues

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Spam Wholesaler needs assistance -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 8/03/08 11:28pm

Stefan,

Only 50 cloned decoys, I would have thought at least a hundred which is why we planned for 300 just to be on the safe side. I think your mistaken on the Newtex 3000 Series’ aluminized Zetex® Fire suit as it is standard issue to date on North Sea Oil rigs, you must have it confused with the Newtex 300 Series’ aluminized Zetex® Fire suit which did certainly contain asbestos, mercury, cyanide, arsenic, hydrofluoric acid and radium in trace amounts as well as being treated with naphtha for some unknown reason.

I don’t know who this “Uncle Fester” is you speak of but by all means bring him along as he may be able to distract Stall during our meeting if you get my drift.

It’s unfortunate you have made an investment in a Fujyami Mk 9 Robotic Bomb Disposal Humanoid. You should know they are manufactured by the same corporation that made the Jimblejammer 3000 Mk 3 and the KZ-4X both highly unstable and falling far short of advertised claims. The “Furby” gargoyles that I have installed around the building should send it into a frenzy of uncoordinated activity by the time your 100 meters away. It seems the infrared Furby communications system is common to all these products although one is never sure if the given product will simply go off to sleep mode or self-destruct from frenzied over activity.

In any case it seems prudent to expect your arrival at any moment so I have instructed the staff and brigade of mercenaries I hired for the occasion to keep a sharp lookout and take no chances.


Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law

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