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Date Posted: 9/09/06 11:53am
Author: Murvis Bacon (A little bit put out)
Subject: Re: Jimblejammer 3000 - Introductory Offer
In reply to: Sharky Snipes 's message, "Jimblejammer 3000 - Introductory Offer" on 8/09/06 11:51am


Well I've had it with the Jimblejammer 3000. It is worse than the 2000, which was in turn significantly worse than the 1000, which in turn was an absolute disaster.

My jimbles are still not jammed. They sit there looking very much unjammed, and the cluster bombs in the new version have destroyed my oven.

I've been down to the local military grade hardware discount shop, and purchased a whole load of munitions. Using these, the Jimblejammer 3000 and I battled it out for four hours, destroying most of my house in the process. The damn thing is sitting in a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of steel, that it manufactured out of my kitchen appliances. It turned on self-preservation mode a long time ago, and will not respond the Master Failsafe password, though my swahili is not very good, and who thought of using swahili for a password in the first place!!!

I have read of many other people in similar situations. The instructions on the outside of the box say nothing about this happening, and it looks just like any other appliance when you buy it at the supermarket. There is nothing on the box about munitions. I hate to think what might happen if the nuclear add on was attached - are they they even allowed to sell that in a supermarket?

Anyhow, I've been reading the forums, and most other people in this situation, recommend getting it into a hole in the ground (done), and hiring a helicopter to dump quick set concrete on to it. Others are saying that doing this only makes it escalate the situation and trigger the inbuilt self destruct, which is rumoured to be a hydrogen bomb. I ask once again, is it legal to sell an appliance with a hydrogen bomb in it, in a supermarket? Obviously yes. Apparently there is no specific regulation forbidding it, regulators not thinking it would ever be an issue in a domestic appliance.

Well I could go on moaning, but the kids are due home from school soon, and I need to find a place to sleep for the night. I think the manufacturer should at least put a warning on the box about the munitions this thing has.

Murvis

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Replies:

[> [> anti- Jimblejammer 3000 nuclear hardened munitions robot MK3 -- Claus VanGurtner (My doomsday clock says 11:59!), 9/09/06 5:11pm

Murvis,

I just read your letter with alarm, I would suggest you do nothing more to aggravate the situation. As you may have already noticed the Jimblejammer 3000 does not take kindly to any interference. Since you have gotten as far as getting the Jimblejammer 3000 into a hole, do not attempt to hire a helicopter, the frequency of the rotor would most likely trigger "self destruct mode".

The solution as I see it is to deploy a anti- Jimblejammer 3000 nuclear hardened munitions robot MK3 at once. The MK3 looks like a Jimblejammer 3000 so it will be able to approach murmuring soothing phrases in "Furbish" so as not to alarm your unit. Once in range infrared signals will be transmitted to further calm your Jimblejammer 3000 and place it in standby mode. At this time the MK3 will extend it’s 3 meter robotic arm it has been cleverly concealing behind it’s back and deliver a high voltage pulse to the Jimblejammer 3000’s Furby control system. This should effectively neutralize your Jimblejammer 3000 and then you may proceed to hiring the helicopter to encase it in a concrete containment dome.

If you cannot find a anti- Jimblejammer 3000 nuclear hardened munitions robot MK3 locally, please contact me and we will dispatch one from the abandoned airfield here in Germany at once.

Claus VanGurtner
Certified Jimblejammer 3000 Professional


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