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Date Posted: 3/03/07 12:29pm
Author: Archibald Scroat QC
Subject: Re: Person required to lion-sit (15th advert this year)
In reply to:
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
's message,
"Re: Person required to lion-sit (15th advert this year)" on
23/02/07 8:05pm
My dear learned friend Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
My name is Archibold Scroat, of Scroat, Wallbanger and Frederickson Solicitors and Commissioners for Oaths.
We act for Miss Dierdre Simpkins, who, as as you know, has been wrongly accused of the indirect manslaughter of one Penelope Thorp.
Our client strongly denies the charge and will be putting in a not guilty plea during the pre-trial hearing which I understand is due to take place on June 3rd this year.
I shall personally be accompanying Miss Simpkins to Fulchester police station tomorrow where we have been asked to voluntary attend.
At this early stage I suppose a plea bargain will be out of the question as between you and me the weight of evidence against my client is beyond belief and to my mind the odds of her being acquitted at Crown Court are probably at best 50 million to one.
Nb. I`m interested in one of your ring tailed lemurs but do they make suitable pets as I already have a fully grown elk so they would have to get on so to speak.
I look forward to your earliest reply and remain
Sincerely
Archibald Scroat QC
Scroat, Wallbanger and Frederickson Solicitors and Commissioners for Oaths.
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Re: Person required to lion-sit (15th advert this year) -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. (Panexa™, better than a law library!),
3/03/07 4:30pm
My dear learned friend Archibald Scroat QC,
It certainly does not bode well for your client Miss Dierdre Simpkins, while I never met her personally one of my staff delivered a crate of ring tailed lemurs to her not long ago. While I only requested £10 for the lot just to cover the petrol, when my man arrived he found a envelop with £50 inside and a note asking him to just split the crate open and push it over the garden wall.
Your Miss Dierdre Simpkins does seem to be in a bit of a predicament but with such a respected firm representing her I would venture she may not have too many decades as "Guest of the Crown". It does seem she is coming a bit unraveled noting her letter denying any involvement and the offer of wildebeest meat for sale. So I would recommend before you go round to the Fulchester police station tomorrow, you should have her ingest as much MERD PHARMACEUTICALS Panexa™ as she can stomach. I have found that when my clients have been wrongly accused simply taking a large dose of Panexa™ results in them being more relaxed and not incriminating themselves. The mild side effects are a small price to pay, don’t be alarmed if Miss Simpkins calls you Cap’n and thinks your a giant Tootsie Roll.
If you local chemist does not have any Panexa™ send someone round as I stocked up last year once I discovered how well it worked.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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