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Date Posted: 3/04/07 6:23am
Author: Roger Stewart (Looking to God)
Subject: Mr Therm
Hello Sir, I shall call you Mr Therm as I am sure that as a member, (retired I hope), of the SBS your name would be highly confidential, as I write this letter I cannot help but feel that chaps such as yourself who have had experience with Her Majesty's Special Forces, while no longer active, still look after their own so to speak.
With this in mind I have decided once again to take your advice and arrange the release of Mr Alcock while I am at a safe distance, I have taken up an offer of a house swap in the former Soviet Republic of Neasden for two weeks.
The incoming tennants are a Mr & Mrs Yuri Popov,I have mentioned nothing to them of Mr Alcock except to say that the cupboard under the stairs is where they can switch the gas on for heating etc,I know this is rather timid of me but in all honesty I just could not face an encounter with the now growling Alcock.Also I shall come into your office today as advised and settle my debt to you and arrange to be re-embraced as a customer once more. As you know Mr Therm my house backs onto the Thames at Marlow, and I was just wondering if the SBS still us kayaks or this new re-breather equipment which leaves no tell tale bubble track on the surface.
At least you know when the Paras are coming!!
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Re: Mr Therm -- British Gas,
3/04/07 10:17am
Roger,
Let me assure you we at British Gas hold no animosity towards you, even though your account was delinquent for some time. "By Strength and Guile" is my motto and I am pleased that you have come to your senses at last. I would suggest you let the Popov’s know about Mr. Alcock before they enter your premises as they are likely to be unpleasantly surprised by his appearance under the stair. As for the SBS using kayaks, no not at all, too noisy and splashy; we prefer the WW2 “chariot” as a matter of fact and find that they are able to make a better approach at faster rate with two personnel on board. The silent and swift approach combined with the Fairbairn dagger has been a trademark of ours for years.
I trust your holiday in Neasden will go without incident; the former Soviet Republic is indeed a lovely place. However there are some unsavory characters there who would not think twice about committing crimes against our loyal British citizens. I might suggest when you arrive you immediately look up Ivan Gorkravich, as a personal friend of mine I am sure he can provide security and suggest the best place to dine (without radioactive additives).
As always as a member of the British Gas “family” we are concerned for your wellbeing and look forward to a bright future.
British Gas
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