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Date Posted: 4/05/06 6:02pm
Author: Tim Davenport
Subject: Re: Grand Opening cancellation
In reply to:
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
's message,
"Re: Grand Opening cancellation" on
4/05/06 12:45am
Dear Roger
Thank you for passing on your codolences regarding the sad demise of Dr Ahmed. The female replacement surgeon Tracey Smith, was to my AMAZEMENT very competent and only made the odd mistake when sawing through some gristle. She was a bit nervous and a more experienced and obviously far more intelligent male surgeon by the name of Dr Chopra took over the reins so to speak and completed the job in next to no time. I can now run a marathon, scale mount everest, and fell walk for fun - and all in just the two days!
Anyway back to business. I was very pleased to hear that you disposed of that charwoman. I have no time for women like her, she was obviously planning to rifle your safe or transfer a small fortune to a swiss bank account or something similar and had you not found her out by way of that strategically placed covert cctv camera she would probably have gotten away with it. I realise that company profits are paramount and SO WHAT if she has 8 hungry mouths to feed and a small delapidated slum-filled council house to upkeep she shoud have thought of that before she swiped
your stationary cabinet and it`s entire contents! Lockemup and throw the ruddy key away is my motto, we`ve been a namby-pamby society for far too long in my book and it`s time to get rid of the low-lifes, immigrants, and send them back home in a cardboard box!! Sorry, i`m getting a little carried away but i`m sure you`re exactly like me when it comes to the society of today, i`m pleased that you are.
My lovely wife is a dabhand with the Hoover, no one grips an hose like Cindy actually and if you have a nice stretchy one she will put it to good use I can tell you and shove it right up the nearest crevace. She loves to give it a real good poke and squeals with delight when said Hoover roars to a climax.
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Re: Grand Opening cancellation -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.,
4/05/06 8:17pm
Dear Tim,
Surprisingly the former charwoman was from Kent, and a very good family at that. We obtained her services in the usual manner when her husband was unable to pay the fees due for "services" rendered. They did have eight or nine squalling children, but rest assured they are well cared after and selling the Times in the underground in shifts. As part of our "standard agreement" with all employees, we at Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall take care of the survivors and heirs. Of course we did have to collect the bank accounts and real property as in paragraph 6.4.19 of the employment agreement.
It was unfortunate after all we had done for Louise she would stoop to taking two slightly bent nickel plated paper clasps and a dried up elastic from Anthony’s office. But policy is policy and if we were to overlook even the slightest infraction where would we be?
By all means send over Mavis and your wife Cindy, if they work out I will personally see to it that your surgeon Tracey Smith is cured of her nervousness permanently or convince her to look for another line of work.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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