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Date Posted: 20/05/06 7:26pm
Author: Professor Vitorio Bleep
Subject: Left handed meat cleaver wanted by mad scientist
We urgently require a left handed meat cleaver for a study into why left handed people wear out meat cleavers quicker than right handed people. The last similar study we carried out in March into bicycle tyre treads when ridden day in day out by obese blacksmiths called Desmond ended with a very surprising and exciting discovery. Blacksmiths called Desmond (who are morbidly obese) are 3 times more likely to wear their bicycle tyre treads out quicker than blacksmiths called by names other than Desmond. Interestingly too Desmond blacksmiths who weigh less than 10 stone were twice as likely to use a bicycle as a work-travel mode than people called Ivor, Stan or Nigel. Furthermore part time florists from Wigan called Debborah-Marie were found to be 9 times more likely to suffer from alcoholism than Wendy`s from Dublin in the same trade but full-timers.
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Replies:[>
Re: Left handed meat cleaver wanted by mad scientist -- Homer Cidal Maniac,
20/05/06 8:16pm
Professor Bleep,
I am afraid I am terribly confused, are you looking for a "left handed meat cleaver" or a left handed person to wield said meat cleaver? None the less I think I have your solution, you see I’m left handed and possess a vast collection of left handed cleavers. Although my main employment is as an accountant, I do enjoy a good chop with a cleaver to reduce stress after a long day. Although that has become quite difficult since the anti-social behavior order handed down by the Magistrates' Court.
I do hope you can help as I must admit I am getting a little antsy since I’ve been banned from the butchers shop.
Homer Cidal Maniac
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Re: Left handed meat cleaver wanted by mad scientist -- Hacker Industries,
21/05/06 7:22am
Hacker Industries LLP
Makers of stainless steel, self-sharpening, self-lubricating razor sharp meat cleaver (industrial versions) since 1243 BC
Unlike your standard carbon steel cleavers which can rust and fracture our line of stainless steel, self-sharpening, self-lubricating razor sharp meat cleaver’s never fail to deliver the blow as is required in most circumstances. No more ragged edges or half measures, the SSSLRSMC mark 2 is a superior instrument. Why you may even find it useful for shaving (ladies model also available with either pearl or faux pearl in pink) dealer inquiries welcome. Perfectly balanced and good for a lifetime.
Larry Hacker
Vice President & CEO
Hacker Industries
Our Motto "No Bones About IT"
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