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Date Posted: 3/06/06 9:40am
Author: Major Bloodshot Gwallopy
Subject: It simply cannot go on like this!
It has come to my attention and those of my colleagues that the current situation is untennable. It cannot go on.
Stern action is called for, and if we do nothing, but sit around wagging our tongues, then we have only ourselves to blame.
This situation has been growing steadily worse. It was not so bad a month ago, but it has gotten worse since then. It is really quit beyond the pale now, and a call for action must now go out.
We must act now, and the action must be decisive and swift.
I will convene a round table discussion to formulate a proposal for consideration by the Change and Transformation committee. This proposal will outline the setting up of the following rapid action committees -
Committee 1 - to decide on the content and structure of the call for action.
Committee 2 - to decide the best time to release the call for action
Committee 3 - to decide the best delivery mechanism and target audience for the call for action.
Committee 4 - a steering committe to oversee committees 1, 2 & 3
Of course this is only a proposal, and will need ratification by the round table discussion, in the first instance, and then it will be put to the vote, before being submitted to the Change and Transformation committee.
As I said before, only swift action will avert this disaster - it is looming, and it is hard to understand why it has taken so long for decisive action to be taken.
MBG
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- R. Edtape,
3/06/06 9:47am
As a matter of procedure I should point out that all proposals to go before the Change and Transformation committee must first be sanctioned by the Sanction and Vetting department.
Unfortunately we have a bit of a backlog, but if you will approve additional funds for fast tracking, we can put this proposal into our Rapid Fire Approval process, and get it back to you in not more than 90 days.
Approval for additional fast tracking funds must come via the Accounts department, subdepartment 43a "Fast Tracking Funds Approval", and the form must be signed by "He Who Must Be Reckoned With".
Regards
Robert Edtape
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Dee Tour,
3/06/06 9:53am
After reading your post I thought I should raise a red flag, and point out that all committees designated as "steering" committees, need to be approved by the Steering Committee for Steering Committees. Apparently, some months ago, the formation of steering committees was getting out of hand, and so this committee was formed to regulate their creation.
Of course, off the record, and I shouldn't say this, but they have an enormous backlog, as they were not funded properly, and only meet once a month. The way most people are getting around this is to change the word "steering" to "guidance", as this particular type of committee is not under their purview.
So change it to "Guidance Committee" and you'll save your self some red tap.
Regards
Dee
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Major Bloodshot Gwallopy,
4/06/06 6:16am
Great suggestion Dee.
This will be the most rapid "call to action" proposal yet formulated in this government. Before the great reform, this would have taken years, but we expect a first version, unratified, non-binding, non-exclusive, first tier, unmandated, proposal with bi-laterial sponsorship, and party protected long term funding, in only six months!
Absolutely spectacular!
MBG
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Tyme Keaper,
3/06/06 9:58am
Dear MBG,
As project co-ordinator for your department, we should advise you of the schedule for the call for action. There are several procedures and approval which must be gained before the round table discussion can be set up and the process begun.
We estimate that if everything runs smoothly, the "call for action" should go out in the next six or seven years. This may be lengthened if there are any hiccups in the approval process.
Regards
Tyme
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Major Bloodshot Gwallopy,
3/06/06 9:59am
Excellent news Tyme.
I can see that the action will indeed be decisive and swift.
Who says government doesn't work?
Keep up the good work.
MBG
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- A. Beourocrat,
4/06/06 8:45pm
Ministry Of Stumbling Blocks
I would like to remind you all, that we here at the Ministry Of Stumbling Blocks take our work very seriously. Should there be any attempt to circumvent said stumbling blocks or fast track around them we will have to implement "Official Order #3492.8".
Official Order #3492.8, states in part that any Official who attempts by any means to circumvent Red Tape, Committees, Round Table Discussions or Study Groups will be punished by the following : Prime time television programmes will be canceled and be replaced by photographs of the officials involved, their telephone numbers and home address along with a "reward for their hides"
Thank You,
A. Beourocrat
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Ivor Snouteworthy,
5/06/06 6:38pm
Hello,
I have been helping people out on this board for quite some considerable time. I represent The Royal National Society For Butting In To Other Peoples Business, (R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.). I am here to help in any way that I can. My advice is why don`t you arrange a meeting in a hall somewhere that would be convenient to you all? If you all club together i`m sure the cost of hiring the hall can be kept to a bare minimum. If you like I can put the feelers out and get you a good price but I don`t want you to think i`m trying to tell you how to run your lives. Another thing you might try is arranging the stumbling blocks in such a way that cheating the "system" would be virtually impossible. You could spread barbed wire over the stumbling blocks (electrified) so that anyone trying to circumvent them would be instantly incinerated. Why don`t you all put a little in the kitty and use the proceeds to purchase the barb wire and then get someone in to wire it up to the mains. You`ll want to be careful if you attempt this yourself because electricity as you know can be highly dangerous in the untrained hand. In saying that you can get very reasonably priced insurance cover which would cover you in the event that you did try to get things underway yourself but I strongly advise that you seek professional help before doing so. If you need the details of a good insurance broker kindly let me know and again I will put the
feelers out for you. It might be a good idea also to arrange for a security firm to guard the stumbling blocks when they are unattended. You would`nt want any mishaps whilst you`re away, someone might try to steal them, people will thieve anything nowadays, my aunt had her washing line stolen a few months back. I advised her to get a guard dog which she did and having taken my advice she has`nt looked back. If you are thinking of going down the guard dog "route" do take my advice and DON`T get an alsation. They can be difficult to train, no, i`d advise you to get something like a rottwelier or doberman. The best type of lead for a rottweiler is one about a metre long, 40 to 50 cast iron links but make sure that the dog collar is strong enough to withstand a hefty pull as this type of dog can be unusually strong, you don`t want to be caught unawares.
Do let me know if I can be of assistance in any other area of your lives. Don`t forget i`m here to help so simply reply to this message and I will get back to you ASAP with a FREE detailed dossier on how best to move you forward.
Kind regards
I Snouteworthy
Chairperson R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- A. Beourocrat, 5/06/06 7:44pm
My dear Mr. I Snouteworthy
Chairperson R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.
Have you ever though of going into public service? You seem idealy suited for it, what with all your butting in to other peoples business.
Should we implement your idea of "mains charged stumbling blocks" with or without barbed wire, and should one of our staff be incinerated I would like to have you join our staff.
Of course this could not happen overnight, there would be the Committee's,Round Table discussions and of course the civil service examinations. All in all it should not take past July 15, 2045 before we could call you for a preliminary interview and get the paperwork started for replacment staffing.
A. Beourocrat
Ministry Of Stumbling Blocks
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Ivor Snouteworthy, 6/06/06 2:56pm
Dear Mr Beourocrat
I did consider going into public service about a decade ago.
I wanted to join MI5 but ended up working for MFI for 3 years due to my appalling eyesight. Although it could have been worse I suppose I could have ended up at IKEA but those were very depressing days for me. I hope you don`t mind but I would like to offer you a few kind words of wisdom if I may. It seems a convuluted way of doing things expecting one to go before the Committee's,Round Table discussions and of course the civil service examinations. Why don`t you get your heads together (perhaps at the hall I suggested you hire out jointly) and come up with a more customer friendly mode of sifting out the tyrekickers from the superior students? Another thing you might try is purchasing a truck to ferry potential candidates to the stumbling block arena.
Trucks can be taken out on contract hire at very reasonable rates these days, if you need some advice I can let you have a few of my contacts telephone numbers. Just say the word..
Also, as I mentioned yesterday there are excellent security firms out there who don`t charge the earth and I can certainly arrange something for you where that is concerned.
Whilst your at it why not get in touch with the electricity board just in case someone gets accidently incinirated? I`d do it now if I were you in case you forget.
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Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- A. Beourocrat, 6/06/06 7:38pm
Dear Mr. Snouteworthy,
While your suggestions may sound reasonable to most, you must realize without regulations and a system of checks and balances such as laid down by the Ministry of Redundant Regulations & Hobbles our government would fall in to chaos and anarchy.
Why just this morning I received a dispatch from the Undersecretary Of Keystroke Counting, informing me I was approaching my quota of keystrokes again. Some years ago I brought up just such a suggestion and the Home Office of That’s How It’s Always Been Done nearly removed my pension. So you can plainly see the system works.
I have implemented some of your ideas however, I have filed with the Ministry of Advertising a request for placing an advert for staff. This should be approved by 2031 at the latest. I am also requesting clarification from the Ministry of Redundant Regulations & Hobbles to see if indeed I could contact the electricity board myself or would need to have the Department of Minor Details make initial contact. As for purchase of a truck, it’s completely out of the question. I have proposed to the Committee for Possible Ideas that we instead have the candidates run naked from central London to Surrey then back to the stumbling block arena. This suggestion was well received as the time saved disrobing for physical examinations would speed up the process not to mention weeding out the ones who lack stamina.
If your still interested in public service, I suggest you contact the Ministry of Forms for Form #389 (Request to request forms)
Sincerely,
A. Beourocrat
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Correction -- A. Beourocrat, 6/06/06 8:42pm
Dear Mr. Snouteworthy,
The Ministry of Forms has notified me Form #389 (Request to request forms) is no longer available. It seems that the Ministry of Skip Diving for Xerox Supplies Behind the Office Park has lost it’s top man Derrick. Derrick was top notch at finding used toner and ink cartridges and will be sorely missed. Tuesday last he was procuring supplies when the lorry emptied the skip and Derrick.
You may still apply by sending a hand written request to the Home Office for Hand Written Correspondence, with a request to forward it to the Ministry of Forms for approval. If approved, as soon as the Ministry of Skip Diving for Xerox Supplies Behind the Office Park has replaced Derrick you will once again be able to request Form #389 (Request to request forms).
In the meantime please feel free to call the Department of Calls On Hold Waiting in a Long Queue for updates on the situation.
Sincerely,
A. Beourocrat
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