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Date Posted: 4/06/06 8:45pm
Author: A. Beourocrat
Subject: Re: It simply cannot go on like this!
In reply to: Major Bloodshot Gwallopy 's message, "It simply cannot go on like this!" on 3/06/06 9:40am

Ministry Of Stumbling Blocks

I would like to remind you all, that we here at the Ministry Of Stumbling Blocks take our work very seriously. Should there be any attempt to circumvent said stumbling blocks or fast track around them we will have to implement "Official Order #3492.8".


Official Order #3492.8, states in part that any Official who attempts by any means to circumvent Red Tape, Committees, Round Table Discussions or Study Groups will be punished by the following : Prime time television programmes will be canceled and be replaced by photographs of the officials involved, their telephone numbers and home address along with a "reward for their hides"

Thank You,
A. Beourocrat

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Replies:

[> [> Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Ivor Snouteworthy, 5/06/06 6:38pm

Hello,
I have been helping people out on this board for quite some considerable time. I represent The Royal National Society For Butting In To Other Peoples Business, (R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.). I am here to help in any way that I can. My advice is why don`t you arrange a meeting in a hall somewhere that would be convenient to you all? If you all club together i`m sure the cost of hiring the hall can be kept to a bare minimum. If you like I can put the feelers out and get you a good price but I don`t want you to think i`m trying to tell you how to run your lives. Another thing you might try is arranging the stumbling blocks in such a way that cheating the "system" would be virtually impossible. You could spread barbed wire over the stumbling blocks (electrified) so that anyone trying to circumvent them would be instantly incinerated. Why don`t you all put a little in the kitty and use the proceeds to purchase the barb wire and then get someone in to wire it up to the mains. You`ll want to be careful if you attempt this yourself because electricity as you know can be highly dangerous in the untrained hand. In saying that you can get very reasonably priced insurance cover which would cover you in the event that you did try to get things underway yourself but I strongly advise that you seek professional help before doing so. If you need the details of a good insurance broker kindly let me know and again I will put the
feelers out for you. It might be a good idea also to arrange for a security firm to guard the stumbling blocks when they are unattended. You would`nt want any mishaps whilst you`re away, someone might try to steal them, people will thieve anything nowadays, my aunt had her washing line stolen a few months back. I advised her to get a guard dog which she did and having taken my advice she has`nt looked back. If you are thinking of going down the guard dog "route" do take my advice and DON`T get an alsation. They can be difficult to train, no, i`d advise you to get something like a rottwelier or doberman. The best type of lead for a rottweiler is one about a metre long, 40 to 50 cast iron links but make sure that the dog collar is strong enough to withstand a hefty pull as this type of dog can be unusually strong, you don`t want to be caught unawares.
Do let me know if I can be of assistance in any other area of your lives. Don`t forget i`m here to help so simply reply to this message and I will get back to you ASAP with a FREE detailed dossier on how best to move you forward.
Kind regards
I Snouteworthy
Chairperson R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.


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[> [> [> Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- A. Beourocrat, 5/06/06 7:44pm

My dear Mr. I Snouteworthy
Chairperson R.N.S.B.I.T.O.P.B.

Have you ever though of going into public service? You seem idealy suited for it, what with all your butting in to other peoples business.

Should we implement your idea of "mains charged stumbling blocks" with or without barbed wire, and should one of our staff be incinerated I would like to have you join our staff.

Of course this could not happen overnight, there would be the Committee's,Round Table discussions and of course the civil service examinations. All in all it should not take past July 15, 2045 before we could call you for a preliminary interview and get the paperwork started for replacment staffing.

A. Beourocrat
Ministry Of Stumbling Blocks


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[> [> [> [> Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- Ivor Snouteworthy, 6/06/06 2:56pm

Dear Mr Beourocrat
I did consider going into public service about a decade ago.
I wanted to join MI5 but ended up working for MFI for 3 years due to my appalling eyesight. Although it could have been worse I suppose I could have ended up at IKEA but those were very depressing days for me. I hope you don`t mind but I would like to offer you a few kind words of wisdom if I may. It seems a convuluted way of doing things expecting one to go before the Committee's,Round Table discussions and of course the civil service examinations. Why don`t you get your heads together (perhaps at the hall I suggested you hire out jointly) and come up with a more customer friendly mode of sifting out the tyrekickers from the superior students? Another thing you might try is purchasing a truck to ferry potential candidates to the stumbling block arena.
Trucks can be taken out on contract hire at very reasonable rates these days, if you need some advice I can let you have a few of my contacts telephone numbers. Just say the word..
Also, as I mentioned yesterday there are excellent security firms out there who don`t charge the earth and I can certainly arrange something for you where that is concerned.
Whilst your at it why not get in touch with the electricity board just in case someone gets accidently incinirated? I`d do it now if I were you in case you forget.


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[> [> [> [> [> Re: It simply cannot go on like this! -- A. Beourocrat, 6/06/06 7:38pm

Dear Mr. Snouteworthy,

While your suggestions may sound reasonable to most, you must realize without regulations and a system of checks and balances such as laid down by the Ministry of Redundant Regulations & Hobbles our government would fall in to chaos and anarchy.

Why just this morning I received a dispatch from the Undersecretary Of Keystroke Counting, informing me I was approaching my quota of keystrokes again. Some years ago I brought up just such a suggestion and the Home Office of That’s How It’s Always Been Done nearly removed my pension. So you can plainly see the system works.

I have implemented some of your ideas however, I have filed with the Ministry of Advertising a request for placing an advert for staff. This should be approved by 2031 at the latest. I am also requesting clarification from the Ministry of Redundant Regulations & Hobbles to see if indeed I could contact the electricity board myself or would need to have the Department of Minor Details make initial contact. As for purchase of a truck, it’s completely out of the question. I have proposed to the Committee for Possible Ideas that we instead have the candidates run naked from central London to Surrey then back to the stumbling block arena. This suggestion was well received as the time saved disrobing for physical examinations would speed up the process not to mention weeding out the ones who lack stamina.

If your still interested in public service, I suggest you contact the Ministry of Forms for Form #389 (Request to request forms)


Sincerely,

A. Beourocrat


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[> [> [> [> [> Correction -- A. Beourocrat, 6/06/06 8:42pm

Dear Mr. Snouteworthy,

The Ministry of Forms has notified me Form #389 (Request to request forms) is no longer available. It seems that the Ministry of Skip Diving for Xerox Supplies Behind the Office Park has lost it’s top man Derrick. Derrick was top notch at finding used toner and ink cartridges and will be sorely missed. Tuesday last he was procuring supplies when the lorry emptied the skip and Derrick.

You may still apply by sending a hand written request to the Home Office for Hand Written Correspondence, with a request to forward it to the Ministry of Forms for approval. If approved, as soon as the Ministry of Skip Diving for Xerox Supplies Behind the Office Park has replaced Derrick you will once again be able to request Form #389 (Request to request forms).

In the meantime please feel free to call the Department of Calls On Hold Waiting in a Long Queue for updates on the situation.


Sincerely,

A. Beourocrat


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