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Date Posted: 19/12/05 7:44pm
Author: Dr. Phineas K. Batsinbelfry
Subject: Re: Crop circles, aliens, and the chimpanzee cooection.
In reply to:
Dr Art Brickman
's message,
"Crop circles, aliens, and the chimpanzee cooection." on
18/12/05 10:24pm
The research by Prof. Anul Wreckedum that people like Professor Zwieback Toast have a chimpanzee rectally inserted got me thinking so I hopped into my ornithopter., adjusted my auto pilot parakeet, an made straight-away to see the professor. Upon arriving, the administration office was unable to tell me where I could find Professor Zwieback Toast, suddenly a custodian standing near by said "you mean the old coot?" and directed me to one of the older buildings, down several flights of stairs, thorough several small tunnels that looked and smelled like a sewer and finally to a small door marked STORAGE!
Inside I did find the professor along with what appeared to be the universities computer lab circa 1970. The professor was seated behind an IBM card reader he was using as a desk and the room was littered with thousands of feet of punch tape and Hollerith cards strewn everywhere. The good professor told me that during the anal probe procedure the aliens brought out both a chimpanzee and a porcupine and gestured for him to choose one. He also recalled being arrested in a corn field that night. I think that answers why a monkey and why they all invariably have a chimpanzee rather than a porcupine stuffed up their butt.
My research indicated the answer to the outstanding questions are -
1-"What happens to people that are anal probed by aliens and have a monkey stuffed up their butt?"
A- They are relegated to a sub cellar off of a sewer lateral beneath major universities for reasons of national security.
2-"Where do these lunatics come from and who is stuffing a chimpanzee up their butt?"
A- Professor Zwieback Toast comes from Butte Montana , as for the second part of the question Professor Zwieback Toast could only describe the aliens as small, green and all looked like Henry Kissinger.
My colleagues have of course pointed out that there is a 50/50 chance I could be wrong about this due to the limited sampling size of my test group*.
During my flight there I did discover another disturbing question, in the early stages of my flight my auto pilot parakeet fell off it’s perch and became unstable. While flying VOR I had to keep a low altitude and became aware that at nearly every university there were permanent "crop circles" made up of concrete walkways, circular paths and often an obelisk or statue at the center of the campus. Very sinister if you ask me! As soon as I can replace my auto pilot parakeet with a new MK3 "budgie" auto pilot I intend to look at this phenomenon in greater detail.
Dr. Phineas K. Batsinbelfry
Happy Pines Sanatorium
Post Lobotomy Ward
Room 3
London
W12 OAE
* Test Group = 1, margin of error +/- 1, look for my full report in the Lancet
>Is there a connection between the 3? Many have posed
>this question but no bugger has aver had the decency
>to answer!
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