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Date Posted: 17/02/06 4:01am
Author: Mr. Mabuto Magootoo
Subject: "Helping Hippos For The Stupid"
Hello Friend,
By way of introduction my name is Mr. Mabuto Magootoo, I was minister of monkey meat for a small impoverished African nation.
Seems that some customs agent had it in for me and I was ousted from my prominent position. But do not worry or fret I have a new venture I am sure you want to invest in.
"Helping Hippos For The Stupid"
How many times have you walked out into traffic and almost been run down?*
Tired of waiting in long queues?
Just plain stupid and or incompetent?
Well I have the answer for you, "Helping Hippos For The Stupid" now you need no longer fear crossing the street, waiting in a queue at the bakery for Danish, or anything else.
Just send me £500 and I will send you a fully trained hippo. Easy to maintain, just feed 300 kilos of straw or hay daily, and make sure you have a 2 meter deep pond for hygiene.
Mr. Mabuto Magootoo
Former Minister Of Monkey Meat
* not guaranteed against Land Rover’s
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Replies:[>
Re: "Helping Hippos For The Stupid" -- Archie Snitchel,
18/02/06 4:22pm
Dear Mabs
Can I be your sole agent here in the UK for the "Helping Hippos For The Stupid" Agency? What I have in mind is upselling the product by let`s say 25,000%. I shall be commandeering rivers and ponds in and around East Anglia to keep the Hippos in whilst I advertise for clients. I intend to telephone police stations in the area, explain what I have in mind and then maybe cut the local CID in for a share of the spoils if you catch my devious drift?
I`m willing to sell my sizable studio flat to invest in said venture and am happy to do all of this on a "Gentleman`s Handshake" agreement.
If it helps I am willing to visit you in Africa at your expense, take a crash course in coaching the Hippos, and then to train some sub-agents here in blighty so as to maximize profits for us both. I will pass on what I have been taught to the sub agent, and also train he or she how to steal straw and/or hay from farms around the UK.
We will have a very cost-effective business and will also be
keeping the population down to boot.
Please let me know if my offer is agreeable to you and I will start the ball rolling at this end by putting my studio flat up for sale. Cheers again Mabs and I look forward to working with you.
Sincerely
Archie Snitchel
UK
>Hello Friend,
>
>By way of introduction my name is Mr. Mabuto Magootoo,
>I was minister of monkey meat for a small impoverished
>African nation.
>
>Seems that some customs agent had it in for me and I
>was ousted from my prominent position. But do not
>worry or fret I have a new venture I am sure you want
>to invest in.
>
>"Helping Hippos For The Stupid"
>
>How many times have you walked out into traffic and
>almost been run down?*
>Tired of waiting in long queues?
>Just plain stupid and or incompetent?
>
>Well I have the answer for you, "Helping Hippos For
>The Stupid" now you need no longer fear crossing the
>street, waiting in a queue at the bakery for Danish,
>or anything else.
>
>Just send me £500 and I will send you a fully trained
>hippo. Easy to maintain, just feed 300 kilos of straw
>or hay daily, and make sure you have a 2 meter deep
>pond for hygiene.
>
>Mr. Mabuto Magootoo
>Former Minister Of Monkey Meat
>* not guaranteed against Land Rover’s
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Re: "Helping Hippos For The Stupid" -- Mr. Mabuto Magootoo,
19/02/06 7:54pm
Mr. Snitchel,
It seems you have a keen eye for business, and a fair knowledge of Hippo’s also. You would of course need to plow some mud into the rivers or ponds as the Hippo’s are very fond of mud and can actually be panicked by fresh water.
What I propose is this, you sell your flat, send me the money and I will deliver the Hippo’s to you. There is no need for you to come here as there is little or no training possible of these beasts. Their sheer size and bulk and unusually bad demeanor make them ideal for stupid owners, there is also not much that the average dunce could learn aside from always letting the Hippo walk out into traffic first.
I have acquired a C-130 transport plane and my herders will pack them in, attach a tiny parachute to each and stampede them off the loading ramp from 52,000 feet. This will eliminate all the messy paperwork involved in conventional shipping. I had contacted DHL but the individual animals exceed their length and girth limits.
Mr. Mabuto Magootoo
Former Minister Of Monkey Meat
Director Helping Hippos
>Dear Mabs
>
>Can I be your sole agent here in the UK for the
>"Helping Hippos For The Stupid" Agency? What I have in
>mind is upselling the product by let`s say 25,000%. I
>shall be commandeering rivers and ponds in and around
>East Anglia to keep the Hippos in whilst I advertise
>for clients. I intend to telephone police stations in
>the area, explain what I have in mind and then maybe
>cut the local CID in for a share of the spoils if you
>catch my devious drift?
>
>I`m willing to sell my sizable studio flat to invest
>in said venture and am happy to do all of this on a
>"Gentleman`s Handshake" agreement.
>
>If it helps I am willing to visit you in Africa at
>your expense, take a crash course in coaching the
>Hippos, and then to train some sub-agents here in
>blighty so as to maximize profits for us both. I will
>pass on what I have been taught to the sub agent, and
>also train he or she how to steal straw and/or hay
>from farms around the UK.
>We will have a very cost-effective business and will
>also be
>keeping the population down to boot.
>
>Please let me know if my offer is agreeable to you and
>I will start the ball rolling at this end by putting
>my studio flat up for sale. Cheers again Mabs and I
>look forward to working with you.
>
>Sincerely
>Archie Snitchel
>UK
>
>
>>Hello Friend,
>>
>>By way of introduction my name is Mr. Mabuto Magootoo,
>>I was minister of monkey meat for a small impoverished
>>African nation.
>>
>>Seems that some customs agent had it in for me and I
>>was ousted from my prominent position. But do not
>>worry or fret I have a new venture I am sure you want
>>to invest in.
>>
>>"Helping Hippos For The Stupid"
>>
>>How many times have you walked out into traffic and
>>almost been run down?*
>>Tired of waiting in long queues?
>>Just plain stupid and or incompetent?
>>
>>Well I have the answer for you, "Helping Hippos For
>>The Stupid" now you need no longer fear crossing the
>>street, waiting in a queue at the bakery for Danish,
>>or anything else.
>>
>>Just send me £500 and I will send you a fully trained
>>hippo. Easy to maintain, just feed 300 kilos of straw
>>or hay daily, and make sure you have a 2 meter deep
>>pond for hygiene.
>>
>>Mr. Mabuto Magootoo
>>Former Minister Of Monkey Meat
>>* not guaranteed against Land Rover’s
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