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Date Posted: 08:22:43 04/08/06 Sat
Author: Gia
Subject:
I was too weak to give in, too strong to choose
My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose..


(She let out a deep sigh as she walked out of the examination room and stopped just outside the door, reaching up to pull her dark sunglasses from their perch on top of her head to shield her eyes from the glaring afternoon sun. She had spent the better part of the morning on the training course, trying her damndest to make up the required times that she would need to qualify to get into training.. but she had failed yet again. She was out of shape and her mind was addled with so many fears and doubts that Remy told her he thought she was a liability more than anything. Frowning at the memory, she laid a hand over her stomach as she approached the sleek black solara.. even her reflection looked like half a person. She was underweight, tired and now she had a lot more on her mind than she was possibly capable of bearing. Ever since that night at the apartment when she had initiated intimacy with Justin only to become overwhelmed and push him away, she had started unraveling.. she hated to see the hurt in his eyes as much as she hated to feel the fear biting at her. And now.. well, she had been running the course that morning and pushed herself so far that she had gotten dizzy and her trainer had forced her to get an exam.. and even though the results of it had given her an insight into the reasons why she couldn't keep her weight on with her diet and why she wasn't able to keep pace with the others, it just didn't make anything any easier. In fact.. she felt like she might just keep driving, and wherever she ended up she would just start over again.. the only problem was that Justin wouldn't be there.. Sighing, she used her remote to unlock the car but didn't get in right away, she just stood there, looking at her reflection in the gloss of the trunk deck. There were hollows in her cheeks and dark lines under her eyes.. she had been sleeping in her own room for the past few nights, unable to look at Justin without feeling the shame and hurt, and it was all just catching up to her. Pregnant?... How the hell was she supposed to bring a child into her so-called life, when she wasn't even sure that she wanted to live it anymore..)

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