Sona, that was great! :o) Really a good story *click* -- Fictional Getdown

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Date Posted: 15:54:42 09/27/02 Fri
Author: Z
Subject:

Sona, that was great! :o) Really a good story *click*
In reply to: Sonali 's message, "TORN - CHAPTER 16 - THE END!" on 02:06:26 09/27/02 Fri

Okay, as for the other stuff you asked about, here it is because I totally understand your need to want to improve you're writing and since I'm taking a creative writing class, I'll do what we do in workshops! lol
First off, the story line was great, I wasn't all anxious over nothing you know! It had a lot of emotions and twists and turns. And honestly, before reading this I couldn't see Justin as being a guy who would cheat, but this opened my eyes. The way you explained the circumstances made me actually see that yes it was possible. And the characters were credible so I didn't have any problems buying anything.
Okay, stylistically speaking, one thing that would make the story flow better is if you decide what kind of narration you'll have. Like if it's going to be in the first person, like it was for the most part, then you can only write about your thoughts, does that make sense? Like for example, it was kind of awkward reading about Justin thinking about you when you wrote stuff like "He knew he loved me the first time we kissed." That line would make better sense if either, a) the whole story was in a flashback were the you telling the story had already experienced and you know how Justin felt, or b)instead of saying me you say Sonali. (Let me know if anything I say doesn't make sense)
Let's see other than that if you really wanted to you could try to expand the description of emotions. I mean you do a good job of that already because I got into this story, but more emotions are always better. Oh and you could set the scenes a little bit more, but you do that too for the most part.
I think that's all lol I don't know if this is what you asked for but I got done with English class to day so it must be running over into this! I can't wait for the next story!!!! :O)

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Replies:

Good story... -- Kira, 22:50:18 09/27/02 Fri