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Date Posted: 02:06:26 09/27/02 Fri
Author: Sonali
Subject: TORN - CHAPTER 16 - THE END!

Okay, I usually don't do this, but whoever has been reading this, can you leave me some general feedback about the writing style - critique it! I know I'm not a very good writer and for my next story, I would like to improve. I already know what some of my weaknesses are but it would help if you guys could point out what you think I could improve in case I overlooked that. And if there's anything positive you would like to say, I'm all for that too! Thanks guys and I hoped you liked it, despite the low level of writing :)



CHAPTER 16

I had been home for two weeks and I hadn’t told anyone the truth about why I came home early. I said I got burned out and needed a break, not wanting to push myself past my limits. My family understood and while I had said I was burned out, I certainly wasn’t going to sit on my ass until January when I was heading back to school. I got myself a regular job at the mall and was content as much as I could have been all things considered.

I sipped my tea as I sat on my porch, watching it rain. My mom came out and joined me. We didn’t say anything for a bit.

“So which one broke your heart,” she asked quietly. I looked at her, completely stunned. I had become a pro at hiding my feelings and while most of the time I got away with it, this time I didn’t.

“How – how did you know?”

“Please, Sonali. I may be getting old, and I may not say anything, but I have raised three girls and I’ve seen it so many times. And you’re my daughter, I know you better than you know yourself.” I smiled at that last part.

“I really did want to tell you but I was afraid you’d be disappointed in me. I didn’t want to let you down.”

“Don’t ever think like that. Now tell me what happened.” And I did. I told her how at first Justin and I didn’t get along, the bickering, leading up to the chilli incident – which made us both laugh. I told her how he found out I was sick and none of the other guys knew, and I told her about how he confronted me about his feelings while I hid mine, pushing them as far away as possible. I told her how close I had gotten with the guys, not to mention Britney and she smiled, seeing how much I really did love the guys. And then I told her how I caved in and how we snuck around, and then how we got caught. But I spent the most time telling her about how wonderful Justin made me feel, despite everything. How he was THE one. How I had fallen in love for the first time. Her heart ached as I shed my tears, letting her know how broken my heart really was. But she understood, and that’s what I needed.






Justin stared out the window, watching the rain fall. He was irritated with JC. Why did he choose Indian food, Justin thought to himself. It only brought back memories of me, but then again, there wasn’t a day that passed when he didn’t think of me. The guys knew this and this was how they were testing him – pushing him to the limit. Somehow Justin managed to make it through the meal, quiet, and grateful to go back to the hotel once it was over.

The tour was almost over and Brit was looking forward to spending the holidays with her and Justin’s family. She sighed as she watched him gaze at the TV almost as if he were a zombie. She grabbed the remote and turned the TV off.

“Hey, I was watching that. Come on!”

“No, you weren’t. Justin, we need to talk.”

“Okay. What’s up,” he said, turning to face her, giving her his full attention.

“You tell me. What has been going on lately? You’ve been so distracted. Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired with the tour. I mean, you know how the home stretch always takes a lot out of me. I’ll be fine once we’re all together for the holidays.”

“I was thinking about that. I think maybe I should be with my family and you should be with yours.”

“What? Why?” Britney sighed. She was tired of lying to herself and to Justin. They both were tired of avoiding the obvious – that Justin wasn’t happy. He hadn’t been the same since I had left and the more he tried to cover it up, the more obvious it was. Enough was enough.

“Justin, how long have we known each other? I see it in your eyes. You miss her.” Justin swallowed and looked down, not wanting to see the hurt in Brit’s eyes.

“That’s crazy.”

“It’s true. And I’m not angry with you. But we can’t do this anymore. We’re only gonna end up hurting each other somehow. I don’t want that and I know you don’t either. Let’s not ruin our friendship.” Justin finally looked up at her.

“Britney, I love you.”

“And I love you, but our love has changed for one another. And not in a bad way, it’s just different, and that’s okay. But you and I both know you’re not happy which means I’m not happy. Let’s end this façade of a relationship before we ruin it all.”

“I never meant to hurt anyone,” he said softly.

“I know baby. But you’re hurting all of us, her included. Face it, this was bound to happen, whether it was a different situation altogether. But we can both make the hurting stop for everyone.”

“Do you know how amazing you are? I remember the first day I met you during Mickey Mouse. You had my attention from the second I laid eyes on you. And I was lucky enough to see you grow into this amazing, sexy woman who has blessed me by being a part of my life.” By now, Brit let her tears flow freely.

“You’ll always be a part of my life.”

“Same here. I’ll always love you.” That night, they made love for the last time and in the morning, she was gone.




Justin told the guys about their emotional, but clean and mutual breakup. The guys consoled him, yet were full of anticipation about what he was going to do now. None of them though he’d mope around all day and isolate himself, which is exactly what he did. He shut everyone out, which took them all by surprise. It was amazing to see him give his all on stage and then retreat to his own world the second he left the venue.

“I don’t get it. I mean, why hasn’t he called her yet,” Chris asked to no one in particular.

“God only knows. You know how hard and critical he can be when he makes a mistake. He loves to punish himself in an effort to make him stronger,” Lance said.

“Well I’m not going to let him do that anymore. Enough is enough already. What he needs now is a good kick in the ass,” Joey said.

“Exactly,” JC said. Justin sighed as he heard the guys in the back of the bus. They were completely right but it was complicated. How could he just waltz back into my life, whenever the time was convenient for him? It wasn’t fair to me and he didn’t want to make things worse. Justin smiled to himself as his mind wandered.

We were in Detroit and ended up wandering around the venue. Somehow, we had managed to take a wrong turn and ended up getting locked outside, during a torrential downpour no less. Mike and Lonnie were going insane trying to find us, since we didn’t have our cell phones but we took advantage of being in a secluded area, all alone with no one to catch us. Justin was shaken from his thoughts as the bus came to a stop, arriving at the hotel. He grabbed his bag and went straight to his hotel room. Right now, all he wanted to do was think of me and the memories we had shared all alone, without anyone to distract him. And he did just that. Justin was so deep in thought he didn’t even hear the guys come into his room. It took a pillow to his head thanks to Chris in order to break him from the trace he was in. The look on Justin’s face was priceless and the guys couldn’t resist their urge to laugh, and soon, Justin joined them, laughing whole-heartedly for the first time in a long time. Justin knew why they were there and he was ready.

“What the hell,” Justin said through his own laughter.

“Well you were in mega zombie mode so I had to do something,” Chris explained.

“Look, J, we’ve held back for two weeks now, letting you have your space. But enough already, you have to stop this,” Lance said, cutting right to the chase.

“Call her, write her, go see her, do something, anything to communicate with her. We can’t stand to see you like this,” Joey said. Justin sighed and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling.

“It’s not that simple. How can I just walk back into her life after I did what I did? I don’t want her to think I want to be with her when it’s convenient for me. She deserves better.”

“Stop making excuses. It is simple. You just want to make it seem complicated because you’re scared,” JC said.

“Look, we don’t completely understand what you had with Britney because we haven’t had that. But we did see it so we know that it was special, unique. It’s also over. We know that you won’t ever have that same relationship with anyone ever again, but you do have the opportunity to have another kind of special relationship with Sonali,” Chris said. Justin looked at his concerned brothers and really saw how much they loved him. He knew it, but well, this just really enforced it. And he was grateful to them for making him open his eyes.

“I appreciate everything you’ve said, but I really just want to be alone right now,” Justin said, feeling a whole slew of emotions within himself. He didn’t want the guys to know how he was feeling. Reluctantly, they left him alone. He sighed and dug through his bag, looking for a notebook. He needed to write since his creative juices were overflowing. And then he saw it – my letter. Instantly, he forgot about everything else and read it.

‘Justin,

Where do I begin? Part of me wishes you really had stuck with the assole attitude but then I think about the past few months and I change my mind. Despite the situation we created, I wouldn’t change a thing because for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I was in love. Thank you for letting me feel that. Some people go a lifetime not experiencing it, but I luckily can say I’m not one of them. I don’t want you to feel guilty – I walked into this with my eyes wide open. I knew what the circumstances were and the consequences and we chose to ignore them. Love tends to take complete control over us at times someone very wise told me. I need you to know that I want you to be happy. Because if you’re happy, I’m happy. I knew all along that I could never take her place and I’m not angry with you or her. What I feel for you is what you feel for her and what she feels for you. Don’t ever lose that feeling – love.

Sonali’




Happy. He would be happy again to be with me. He was finally ready to confront his fear – the fear that he had fallen in love so fast with me. With Brit, it took a year or so for him to say it and mean it. He knew he loved me the first time we kissed. He had been so scared by the intense feelings, which is why he retreated back to his safety zone with Brit, instead of taking that leap with me. I guess he was a bit shocked that I felt the same way about him which I had made clear in that letter. Now the question was not should he see me, but WHEN he would see me.




I went to check the mail and found an envelop addressed to me but no return address on it. I opened it as I walked up my driveway and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw who it was from.


‘Sonali,

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write but well, I needed time, among other things. I know now that you never meant to hurt me, and either did Justin. Sometimes we let our judgment cloud when it comes to matters of the heart. After you left, things were never the same. J grew more distant and I could see he was unhappy. Letting him go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but at the same time, it was the best thing I could have done – not just for him, but for me. We parted on good terms and I knew we’ll share a bond, always, but it’s different now. It’s based on friendship, like we had started out. I was lucky enough to have been loved by him and I know it will take him time, but he’ll be there soon. And I want you to know that you shouldn’t hold back on my account, or for any other reason. I can’t say that it won’t hurt if I see you two together at first, but I know with time will come acceptance. I guess now I’ll be able to live out my desire to kiss JC.

Brit’



I was shocked. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself as I read that last line. I would never have expected her to share this with me. She truly was an amazing girl.





“I was scared. I am scared. I thought that what I felt for Brit was the once in a lifetime feeling but then Sonali came along and made me feel things with such intensity. It scared me. And I was scared of losing that sense of security with Brit. And I was scared Sonali didn’t feel the same way I did. I know now. I have to see her,” Justin said. The guys all smiled.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to introduce you to the REAL Justin Timberlake,” Chris joked, making the guys all crack up.

“We knew you’d finally realize all of this, but we didn’t think it’d be at 3 in the morning,” Lance said.

“I’m sorry guys,” Justin said, looking at the clock and realizing it was indeed close to 3am.

“Naw, you know we’re always gonna be here for you no matter what,” Joey said.

“So when are you gonna see her,” JC asked.

“I figure after the tour because I want to spend as much time as I can with her. If I leave now, I highly doubt I’d come back.” They all started laughing.







Slowly the rain that fell turned to snow. It was the beginning of December. My mom thought I was insane for sitting on the porch in 15 degree weather to watch the snow fall. She said I had the same view from inside, sitting on the couch. I don’t know why I found it so comforting, therapeutic almost. So there I was, sitting with a blanket wrapped around me watching the snow fall. I realized I’d be late for work if I didn’t get up soon. I managed to drag my butt to work and surprisingly, the day flew by.

“Mom, I’m home,” I yelled, walking in. No response. I found a note on the fridge telling me her and my dad went out for dinner. Well at least I had the place all to myself, I thought. As I made my way to the stairs, I noticed something green on the cream carpet. I bent down and picked it up. What the hell? It was a tiny green chili. Lord only knows how it got there. I sighed and made my way upstairs, thinking back to when Justin pulled that crazy stunt. I couldn’t help but smile but it faded fast as I saw another chili on the ground. I picked it up and continued until I found yet a third one. Okay, something was going on. And then I saw a trail of them down the hallway and ending at my door to my room. I slowly made my way to my room and cautiously pushed my door open. I gasped.

“Surprise,” Justin said with a grin. He covered his cheeks, afraid I’d slap him again like I had done when he surprised me after faking being drunk. I couldn’t ever slap him, especially now, sitting there on my bed, looking absolutely adorable with a pink rose next to him. I smiled.

“I’m not going to slap you. What in the world are you doing here,” I asked in amazement.

“I – I miss you Sonali. I fucked up big time. I know our relationship has been everything but normal, but, well, can we give it a shot at being normal?”

“No, Justin, we can’t give it a shot at being normal. There’s nothing normal about you and me. And besides, normal is boring,” I said with a smile.

“Sonali! You know what I mean. Not normal, but consistent – balanced – up front and honest. No lying, no sneaking around. I haven’t treated you half as well as you deserve.”

“Up front, honest, consistent. I’m liking those ideas.”

“There’s so much I need to tell you. I was so scared – ”

“STOP! No lengthy explanations. You don’t need to tell me anything,” I said gently, cutting him off.

“Well there is one thing I HAVE to tell you.”

“What?”

“I love you.” I smiled and kissed him.

“I love you.” We made ourselves comfortable on my bed. It was so amazing, the feeling of his arms wrapped around me.

“I missed you so much.”

“Me too. Justin?”

“Hmm?”

“I thought you said you’d never go near a green chili again.” We both cracked up.

“The sacrifices I’m willing to make for you.” We smiled and kissed.

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