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• She knew this was going to happen sometimes and in a way she was relieved. He needed to grieve and this emotional disturbance just seemed to be what pushed him over the edge. Quietly, she rocked Ayden till the baby fell asleep before she put him down in the playpen, turning on the monitor and taking it with her as she headed towards the bedroom where her son was. Her heart broke seeing him there - no parent wanted to see their child in so much pain - but she knelt down anyways, wrapping her arms around him like he was a child. "Let it out, Niko...your need to grieve..just let it out.." She soothed his hand over the back of his hair, letting out a quiet breath as she murmured to him some words that Rico had passed onto her in spanish. (NT) -- Jewel, 04:50:42 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He clutched onto her as he would have as a little child.. she was the only solace and rock he had left in this world. For a few long moments all he did was sob, his body shaking with supressed emotions. The anger would come soon, it always did when he was hurting - he'd done so well in the army because of his ability to cover hurt with anger and use it to his advantage.* I can't do this without her.. *He groaned out, wanting to die and forget it all, but unable to think the thoughts with his son in the other room.. His energy was pouring from him into his tears, and he couldn't see himself happy ever again.* (NT) -- Niko, 04:55:03 10/19/05 Wed

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• She nodded a little bit, a low breath escaping her lips. "Yes you can sweetheart, she would want you too. She gave you that baby and she would trust you to take care of him..." She murmured softly, soothingly, just running her hand down his back slowly. "It's going to work out Niko, it's not going to be easy but it's going to work out..." She smiled softly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "She loved you very much, Niko, she would want you to grieve for her but then live your life fully for Ayden..." She couldn't see Niko ever being with anyone else after Fyre, they had seemed so perfect, so happy. Not that she wanted her son to be alone but it was hard to follow perfection.. (NT) -- Jewel, 04:58:00 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He dissolved into the occasional sniff and sat shaking in her arms.) How can I live my life fully when we were supposed to do it together? (He lifted his head, rubbing his red eyes and running his hands back through his hair. He looked at her then.) I wanted her to have the baby because I was so mad that Skye and Jag were pregnant. (He said, greif in his voice.) And it killed her.. I couldn't protect her. (NT) -- Niko, 05:23:53 10/19/05 Wed

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• "There's nothing else you can do." She stated firmly, looking down at him. "You and Fyre were made for each other, unfortunantly it was only meant to last a little bit of time but Niko, at least you had love like that for a little while, most people don't even find that their whole lives." She shook her head, her brow furrowed. "You know I love both Fyre and Skye like they were my own daughters but Niko..." She let out a soft breath, her brow furrowed. "You've got to stop living in the past...regarding both of them. (NT) -- Jewel, 05:27:19 10/19/05 Wed

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• (His brow furrowed as he looked at her.) I am so lost.. (He said simply, it was much easier to let Jewel know what he was feeling now that he had broken down.) When Skye and I were little, we used to spend all our time together.. we ran away together and joined the agency together and.. (He shook his head, smiling ruefully.) She was my best friend even when we were lovers.. and then all of a sudden she came home and told me she'd been forced to have an abortion.. (His eyes clouded with though.. he had loved her immensely until that point.. they had never recovered from the pain of it.) And now.. I look at her and I feel so selfish, but I just want her to love me, so I am not alone in this.. (NT) -- Niko, 05:34:30 10/19/05 Wed

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• She sighed softly, tightening her arms around her 'little' boy. "Oh baby..." She murmured softly, biting her lip as she brushed his tears from his cheeks. "You can't replace Fyre with Skye, Niko. You and Skye have had your time together and its past now, you've both moved on." She bit her lip, her brow furrowing as she gazed at him. "Especially not now, it's just your protective instincts kicking in, you always want to take care of everyone, to protect everyone and you can't take away Skye's pain, neither can she take away yours. It's not fair for either one of you for you to try." (NT) -- Jewel, 05:37:49 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He looked at her for a while.) I don't want to be alone. (He sighed.) How can I raise that little boy and tell him he can never see his mommy? (He frowned, eyes glistening again as he thought about the questions and the memories and how much Fyre would miss.) I want her back, it hurts so bad.. (He looked down at his hands.) Nothing that ever happened to me in the agency hurt like this, I can't explain this.. and it gets worse every day. (He looked like he was caught in the crossfire, his eyes slightly panicked.) I can't catch my breath.. (NT) -- Niko, 06:04:34 10/19/05 Wed

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• She frowned gently, her brow furrowed as she hugged her tightly. "I know baby, I know it hurts, and its going to hurt..." She didn't know what to say to comfort him, her brow furrowed as she let out a slow breath. "I am not sure that it is such a good idea that you spend so much time around Skye honey, it may not be good for you..." She shook her head, her brow furrowed softly. "I think you need to heal honey, not try and place your affections somewhere else." (NT) -- Jewel, 06:08:07 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He sighed, nodding a little.) I don't know why, ma, but it just seems wrong for me to leave her alone.. (He narrows his eyes thoughtfully.) She would have helped me if it had been me hurt.. (His eyes clouded with doubt then.) At least I think she would have.. (Ayden started crying in the other room, and his head lifted.) I should go get him.. (NT) -- Niko, 06:23:18 10/19/05 Wed

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• She let out a soft breath, her brow furrowed a little bit. "Yeah..I think she would have." She swallowed a little, running her hand down her face. "I just..I am worried about you getting attached, Nikolai, you've recently lost the woman you love and Skye..." She paused, shaking her head. "I don't think there are words to describe what has been taken from her..." She shook her head. "What you can see on the outside is nothing compared to what else she went through, Niko and she's a little sensitive right now too...lost like you are..I just don't want either of you to...seek comfort from each other because that is all it would be - just temporary comfort." (NT) -- Jewel, 06:26:00 10/19/05 Wed

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• (His eyes narrowed on her and he sighed, getting up and going to get Ayden, returning with the little boy wide awake and squirming in his arms. He sat back down next to her and layed Ayden across his lap. He was angry at the thought of someone else touching her and his eyes showed it, along with the confusion.) If I don't love her, then why is it so hard for me to stay away from her? And why do I want to commit murder for her? (NT) -- Niko, 06:30:50 10/19/05 Wed

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• "Because she was your first love, Niko, no one ever gets over that." She cleared her throat, biting her lip before she smiled down at the baby in his arms that looked so much like him and the firey latina he had married. "I am not even saying you don't love her - its just..it's a different love now and hurting the way you are it would be easy to mistake that for something else." Her hand ran over her face as she thought over things before she spoke. "After seeing her, especially after talking to her, I think I would murder whoever did that to her if I saw them." (NT) -- Jewel, 06:40:14 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He sighed then, his mom was usually right.. maybe he was mistaking his usual protective instinct for her with love.. ) So I will just help her get better, then leave it at that. (He said, letting Ayden latch onto his finger and smiling a the boy.) I have Ayden to comfort me. (NT) -- Niko, 06:58:38 10/19/05 Wed

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• She sighed softly, nodding her head slowly. "Alright then..." She offered to take the baby, tipping her head as she looked over her sons features, he seemed to be doing a bit better now. "Why don't you go run your errands and whatnot? It's already late but you should be able to get most of them done and then you can go see Skye in the morning if you want." She nodded a little, tipping her head as she stood up with the baby boy in her arms. (NT) -- Jewel, 07:05:03 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He would do what had to be done, even though his only wish was that he could crawl into bed with Fy and let her kiss his pain away. Sighing he let Jewel take Ayden and stood himself.) I just needed to get my books and take a shower.. I was going to go back over there tonight.. (He wasn't sure why, now that he thought of it.. he couldn't be a cheerleader twenty-four hours a day when his own heart was broken.) I guess I can just do that and stay here.. I need the rest. (He looked around, still looking like a lost toddler.) (NT) -- Niko, 07:07:59 10/19/05 Wed

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• She let out a slow breath, tipping her head as she bounced the baby. "Do you want to just stay here with Ayden then? You don't need me?" She questioned, waiting for the answer. She needed to call Rico to get a ride back home and Ayden needed to be getting to bed soon. "Just, sweetheart, remember, its ok to grieve..." It had only been six months since he had lost his fiancee and that was hardly enough time to heal properly... (NT) -- Jewel, 07:21:36 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He smiled at her.) You can stay with me forever if you want, I will just pretend i am five again. (He smiled warmly, she was the only one who could fix his nightmares for him.) Thank you for coming over. (He said, kissing her cheek, taking Ayden from her.) Papi is going to grill you, isn't he. (He said, walking into the living room, Ayden watching her over his shoulder, reaching out with chubby hands.) (NT) -- Niko, 07:27:21 10/19/05 Wed

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• She laughed, nodding just a touch. "Yeah, probably...He just worries about you when you won't open up to him you know?" She grabbed the phone, calling her husband who promised he would be their shortly. She went about straightening up a little, shaking her head. "This place is a mess Niko, you need to some major cleaning or hire someone to do it." She looked out the window when she heard the car in the parking lot. "Thats your papi.." She leaned up, pressing a kiss to her sons cheek before she did the same to her grandson. "Call me soon, very soon, alright?" After being assured she smiled lightly and headed out to her waiting hubby. (NT) -- Jewel, 07:32:55 10/19/05 Wed

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• (He looked around the apartment.) Well, little man.. what do you say to making this place ours? (He looked down at Ayden, who was staring at him with the same adoring look he always had. Niko smiled, perhaps what he had been seeking was right in front of him, the love of a child was innocent and true, and he desperatly needed it.) You are going to be spoiled rotton, my man.. (NT) -- Niko, 07:45:15 10/19/05 Wed