| Subject: ..What If.. |
Author:
Kat
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 09/29/13 7:49:42pm
In reply to:
Paige Haley
's message, "..What If.." on 09/28/13 1:43:50am
|
style="color:#F4AB37;font-family:courier,Arial,Helvetica,
sans-serif;font-size:9pt;line-height:10pt;">
____‡_______‡___
What if I'm a weeping willow?
Laughing tears upon my pillow...
What if I'm a socialite
Who wants to be alone?
____‡_______‡___
The misery washed over Kat in pounding waves, and she made no effort to fight to keep at the surface of those dark swells. It had been a long, long time since she had allowed herself to grieve the disparity of her own life, longer still since she had allowed herself to grieve the death of what had once been. And she certainly had not taken a moment to ponder the events of the past week in any real detail. But now, with the hot spray of the shower head beating all around her, she knew that for the first time since she'd wedded Norbert that she was safe...physically safe. Tonight, she did not have to worry about survival. Tonight, she did not have to worry about a man hearing her tears and becoming enraged. So she allowed the emotions to catch up with her, to drag her under...she allowed herself to admit to the pain, and then, be consumed by it.
The sobs hurt her battered body, but the ripping pain inside was far worse. She cried with such force it felt like her very chest was splitting in two, feeling the grief right down the marrow of her very bones, it seemed. The water streamed around her, swirling around the drain... a unique maroon color as it mixed with the pink of residual blood and the dirt and grime of the alley. Kat did not notice, her head still cradled on the bony platform of her forearms. Her heart threw every painful image it could her way...starting with the night Paige had left. Like a nightmarish slideshow, pictures of her past flooded her...the first night she'd met Norb, their wedding night (he'd bitten her the first time then, and she had tried to play it off as a love-bite), the first time he'd struck her (she'd gotten sick in his car...and after that, he'd made sure there would be no more morning sickness). Faster and faster the images played (oh, now he was offering her to his partner....and oh, that was humiliation on a whole new level as he watched!), the reel of horror offering no mercy (seeing the blood on a Kleenex after three days of coughing, and knowing, just knowing it had something to do with the way he'd hit her the last time. And it had...when he'd finally allowed a hospital visit, her own rib was scratching at her lung).
Kat did not hear Paige as he entered the room, frantically reaching out for something, anything to bring her away from the nightmares before her. She was suddenly and violently ill, knocking over the little travel shampoo bottles and sending them scattering with a thump to the shower floor as she pushed herself to her knees. Her body wretched again, overcome with the disgust of what she had allowed to happen for so long. She coughed at the foul taste of bile as it escaped her, gagging even as she tried to splash water in her mouth. Another retch tried to shake her, but she fought it with everything she was worth, suddenly sure that she would simply break if it happened again. She was aware of Paige's voice, and though she tried to steady her words, they came out in panting little breaths. "I...I'm fine, Paige. Just..just cleaning up." She said as loudly as she could, which was really no better than a raspy little holler. She wanted to find the strength to turn the water off (it was growing cold, she realized), and to grab a towel...but she simply didn't trust to her stomach not to attempt to turn itself inside out again.
____‡________‡__
What if I'm a toothless leopard?
What if I'm a sheepless shepherd?
What if I'm an angel
Without wings to take me home?
____‡_______‡___
|
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 
