| Subject: .everything.the.same. |
Author:
Stan Uris
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Date Posted: 04/ 4/11 1:12:43am
In reply to:
Angelina Uris
's message, ":An Angel In Waiting:" on 04/ 4/11 12:25:04am
The whirlwind explosion from her caused him to step back, eyes widened. It took a second for it to register that he'd been talking about the past--and had used past tense when talking about how he felt then. And with her emotion on red alert, Angelina had misunderstood him.
She hurled questions at him and left him no time to answer. So he silenced, allowing her what was rightfully hers--the right to wound him. With her hands, her words, it was all the same. He hated the way she trembled, hated the bloodshot look of her eyes...the grief stricken expression that she wore. He wiped at his eyes and ran a hand hastily through his thick strands, trying to regain some form of composure. He failed miserably.
Her final words--words he'd feared all along--stike him like nothing she'd said or done prior. He did not think there was a physical pain in all the world that could compare to the wave that crushed his heart just then.
He would honor her request, no matter how bad he didn't want to go. He knew he would cherish those single moments that he'd held her just now until the end of his days, bittersweet as it had been. The one thing he would not do, though, was leave this place without having his say. He could bear loving her from afar and being without her, but he could not go to his grave when his number was called without his wife knowing that the love he'd had for her had never ceased.
He stepped forward until he was mere inces from her, taking the risk of her palm but uncaring. Dark eyes fixed on hers as his hands gently rested on her upper arms. He had only now to say what needed to be said, and he would do his best to make it known. "I will go, if that's what you want. Lord knows, I don't deserve your forgiveness. But for the sake of all we had, listen to me now." His own eyes were bloodshot and overbright, and though his voice wavered, he kept it from breaking. "I loved you then, I love you now, and I have loved you every second in between. My whole life, I was lost in the darkness. Until you. You've been my light ever since." He paused breifly, gathering what was next. "I should have contacted you, I should never let you go on thinking the worst. I will never forgive myself for that. At first, I thought I was keeping you and our daughter safe. I didn't want her to grow up with two parents in prison. Time wore on, and guilt drove me right back to the bottle." He'd been three years sober now. "I felt I couldn't go home for sure by then. You both were better off without me then, was how I saw it. I was wrong and I know it. I'll never be able to take it back. But don't you ever think I don't love you. Don't you ever think I don't love our daughter." He released her then, and stepped towards the door. "I'll love you both til my dying day."
____i will holler you home_____
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