Date Posted:16:41:18 04/16/05 Sat Author:Louise Schickram Subject: Re: I need someone to talk to In reply to:
Mary Newberry
's message, "I need someone to talk to" on 18:31:32 03/19/05 Sat
>Dear Mary,
I really feel your grief and pain.
My son, Gary, who was 21 took his own life by puting a gun to his head.
It has been almost 6 years, but the pain is still there.
We as parents always feel responsible, but it's not that way.
The way I get through it when I'm really down, is to think that God wanted my baby for whatever reason, maybe to spare him more pain in his life, maybe to make him at peace.
I too, always feel guilty, like i should have done something to prevent it.
You willnot go Crazy, your child would not want that, and neither does God.
It was not your fault! I'm sure you gave as much love as you could during the time you had your baby.
I did also. My son went through a troublesome life with his father(whom I am now divorced from).
I always have the thought in my mind that I could have changed it and he would still be here.
But we are not in control of others, or God's plans.
Maybe God saw something better in store for your child, and wanted to spare some pain and took him .It is so hard to accept this I know, sometimes I can't and don't want to.
Your child will always be near, in your heart, in all your inner-being.
Please try to find comfort in knowing, you did nothing wrong, as I try to do, and just be at peace knowing that your baby is with God, and is spared all the pain of this awful world today.
I still cry everyday. It never ends. But we have to accept it and take away all blame.
Someday maybe you will have another child, and will give the same love you gave this one who left you.
It is very hard, I know. I had 21 years with my son, and then just like that he took his life. Why? I'll never know.
I have to stop feeling guilty, that's the hardest part.
DON'T blame yourself, just feel comforted by the love you gave your baby, and remember God is in control. Let him comfort you. Talk to your baby everyday. He hears you and will let you know he is O.K.
If you would like to write me, please feel free to.
My heart and my prayers are with you. It may be different circumstances, but our pain is still the same.
I'll be praying for you Mary, just remember your son is at peace and he loves you. You did nothing wrong. Just always tell him you love him, and you will feel love in return.
