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Subject: Hi Ben Author: Liz [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 22:48:44 12/21/02 Sat In reply to: Ben 's message, "Cancer isn't fun" on 17:30:33 12/21/02 Sat Hi Ben, I'm very sorry about your dad. John was pretty unrecognizable as well. They pumped him full of steroids to keep the tumor swelling down and he got very puffy too. He also got diabetic too the point where his fingernails were falling off. I found one of them on the floor the day he died and I kept it which might sound kind of sick, but it reminds me of holding his hand. My doctor gave me Wellbutrin, but it didn't really work, so i stopped taking it. I just stick to my bizarre rituals and beleifs and it seems to help. I actually tried to find religion and it didn't do anything for me either. This last year felt kind of like watching the titanic sink, i imagine (not to diminish the tragedy of all of the titanic deaths, but it was my older brother, and to me it was impossible to beleive that anything could happen to him). I never want to celebrate Christmas agian without John. He was a little worried last year that it would be his last Christmas (It was pretty bad anyway; we celebrated in the hospital and no one could wait to get it over with) and I figure that if it was my last Christmas too he won't miss out on anything. I hate to just keep blabbering about it. I really wish I had something comforting or constructive to say. Out of curiosity, how old are you? Is your mother ok? Are your friends understanding? Liz [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Subject Author Date Hi Ben Liz 23:09:21 12/21/02 Sat Hi Liz Ben 02:14:53 12/28/02 Sat Hi Ben -- Liz, 20:04:41 12/28/02 Sat Pondering cancer -- Ben, 00:20:18 12/29/02 Sun good book -- Liz, 18:32:53 01/05/03 Sun