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Date Posted: 17:13:53 08/10/02 Sat
Author: Lijdrec
Subject: Well, you know Church.......
In reply to: UHC 's message, "Well Hey I've got a minute or two" on 10:21:09 08/10/02 Sat


I am not sure that you can equate Xander's emotional response to Buffy's relationship with Spike along with the liason the Anya had with Spike. Primarily this is because Xander's relationships with Anya and Buffy are on completely different bases and the circumstances behind each are quite different. To say that Xander should forgive Anya because he forgave Buffy is, well, very wrong on oh so many levels.


Church, from one man to another.... try to turn off the testosterone tap for a while. Xander is not the one in the right here with either Buffy and Spike or with Anya. There is no right and wrong in these relationships, there should be only an equality of purpose. When a person in any relationship, whether it be a friend or a lover, starts thinking like that then you are headed for real disaster. Buffy's relationship with Spike is not the issue between Xander and Buffy. The issue was the trust that two friends share between each other. That trust was not forthcoming from Buffy; and Xander in kind gave her many reasons not to extend that trust. Take a good look at their reconciliation in SEEING RED, they did not compare each others transgressions, only accepted their own culpability for the strain in their friendship.


------------------------------------------------------------
From SEEING RED
------------------------------------------------------------
XANDER: How did we get here?

BUFFY: Scenic route. Long drive.

XANDER: These last few weeks...

BUFFY: I know.

XANDER: I thought I hit bottom, but... It hurt. That you didn't trust me enough to tell me about Spike. It hurt.

BUFFY: I'm sorry. I should have told you.

XANDER: Maybe you would have. If I hadn't given you so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it.

BUFFY: Guess we've both done a lot of things lately we're not proud of.

XANDER: Think I got you beat.

BUFFY: Wanna compare?

XANDER: Not so much.

They share a smile. It fades quickly from Xander's face.

XANDER (cont'd): I don't know what I'd do... without you and Will.

BUFFY: Let's not find out.

She takes him in her arms. He hugs her close, tears of relief breaking loose as he finally lets go of his anger and pain. A long beat.
------------------------------------------------------------


That was two friends coming to terms each with their own transgressions as concerned the other and voicing it, in short, asking but not demanding forgiveness of the other. If Xander had been self-righteous in seeking Buffy's apology or in meting out his forgiveness, their relationship would have become more strained and perhaps even ended. Thankfully, their commiseration was a mutual and caring sharing of their own failings.


With Anya it must be the same. Of course, that is a quite difficult thing to do with a lover; but it will be the measure of the man, Xander, and the woman, Anya, if they should do it, reconcile. But reconciliation does not always mean that their relationship will be the same as before. Most likely, it will be quite different and may not even come to be that of between a man and a woman.


Forgiveness is not what Anya needs or deserves from Xander, what is needed from Xander is an understanding of Anya's feelings, fears, and desires and the reverse is necessarily true also. The rift that came to their relationship is a most complex issue grounded in Xander's fears, Anya's past, and their mutual lack of true communication. They are mutually to blame for what became of their relationship. Xander, if he does indeed want to find the love he had with Anya, will put the past behind him and look to the future. That he can do such a thing, that it is in his character, is shown in the way that he and Buffy reconciled.


Again, Anya having a liason with Spike (actually it was really William, but that is for another board) is not the issue, even though it would come to hurt Xander. Xander and Anya have much to work out, Xander must come to terms with his own fears and Anya will eventually have to choose between love and her role as a VD. For me, Anya's choice was a moment of weakness, not the empowerment that some women watchers would consider it to be. However, I think that it will be part of the measure of Xander to not consider that decision as an important stumbling block to furthering their relationship. It was the love that grew between them over the years that had bolstered Anya's image as human again. If he can prove it, it will be Xander's love that will force Anyanka into re-making that very same decision.


That, my friends, may be The Greatest Love Story Ever Told on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Uhh.... my guess is that is will also turn out to be the most tragic as well, such are the ways of the Joss, Amen....

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[> I'll tell you what else is not gonna fly... -- Glory, 14:35:38 08/11/02 Sun [1]

...the idea that Xander has to "forgive" Buffy for sleeping with Spike. That's crap. If there's anything Xander needs to forgive Buffy for, it might be forgiving her for not telling him about it. And not because she needs his approval for doing it, either. If you wanna argue that Buffy wronged Xander (and Willow too, let's not forget) by not telling her best friends what was going on with her, I'll buy that. She certainly did shut her friends out of her life for a while. And for that, sure, she owes them an apology. But as far as sleeping with Spike goes, whether it was a mistake or not, she does not need to apologize to ANYONE for that. Except perhaps to Spike, if she feels she was using him or leading him on.


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